Moderators PowerButchi Posted March 19, 2013 Moderators Share Posted March 19, 2013 I've currently been working through 1986 WWF, and Bobby Heenan is (obviously) pant pissingly funny, and I thought perhaps we could collate some of his best lines and rants and what have you.  On The Islanders from Wrestling Challenge, November 1986:- You know why they don't wear shoes? The shoe salesman asks them what size, but they don't know what numbers are.  On Blackjack Mulligan/Texas, Prime Time Wrestling, 23rd December 1986:- Everybody from Texas has a big mouth. If there's one thing I don't like it's a guy with a big mouth. I've been down in Texas before. I've wrestled there, I've managed down there, I've heard the way they talk. They think Texas is the only place in the world. (they think) They're the only place in the world that plays football, only place in the world that has cows, horses. They *are* the only place in the world that doesn't grow grass, they just have dust. Filthy down there. They fill their lip with that thing and listen to Willie Nelson all day long, drive around in a pick up truck with granny strapped to the back. Willie Nelson looks like he should be vacuumed. But Merry Christmas Texas.  So yeah, jump in with some Heenan class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 I've always loved the Barbershop incident on a whole since I was a kid, but Heenan cracked me up here: Â Heenan: That's good.... they need each other, one without the other just isn't the same.... - Michaels then delivers a superkick to Jannetty Heenan: I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT, I JUST KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT! HE DON'T NEED JANNETTY! Â Monsoon: Are you kidding? What a dispicable act that was! Â - Michaels then picks up Jannetty and throws him throw the barber shop window. Â Monsoon: Right through the glass window of the barber shop! Â Heenan: Jannetty tried to dive through the window to escape!!! Â Monsoon: Are you blind!?! Â Heenan: What an act of cowardism! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 Paraphrasing slightly, Heenan talking about being right or left handed during a match on Coloseum Video (I forget what match but the line stuck with me);  Monsoon: He's ambidextrous. Heenan: What's that? Monsoon: It means he's equally effective using his right or left hand. Heenan: Chickens are ambidextrous. Monsoon: What? Heenan: They are. You can eat them on either side.  Something like that.  On Scott Hall;  Schiavone: Scott Hall looks a little better this week. Heenan: It's only Monday  And of course, upon seeing Sherri at Royal Rumble '92:  Look at them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobby Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Too much to be specific, but when he Says to Gorilla "I'm going to have to ask you to leave" it always without fail gets me. Â Also, i can't remember the match, but he said "Ya know, Hogan's a coward" and the reaction of Gorilla was brilliant, "YOU WHAT", Heenan just said it so casually as if it was a given. Â What i also liked about Heenan though was his appreciation of a great match, i love KOTR 93, Heenan, Monsoon and Piper on commentary, when Bret won the tournament, great memories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 What i also liked about Heenan though was his appreciation of a great match, i love KOTR 93, Heenan, Monsoon and Piper on commentary, when Bret won the tournament, great memories. Â Sorry to be a pedantic shite - it was Heenan, Ross and Savage in the booth at KOTR '93. Â Sorry, can't link to it now but I always loved Heenan's bit at the Hall Of Fame when Orndorff got inducted, his description of the Orndorff/Vader backstage fight was brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobby Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 What i also liked about Heenan though was his appreciation of a great match, i love KOTR 93, Heenan, Monsoon and Piper on commentary, when Bret won the tournament, great memories. Â Sorry to be a pedantic shite - it was Heenan, Ross and Savage in the booth at KOTR '93. Â Sorry, can't link to it now but I always loved Heenan's bit at the Hall Of Fame when Orndorff got inducted, his description of the Orndorff/Vader backstage fight was brilliant. Â It was indeed Savage, you are right, my mistake. Was Heenan, Monsoon and Piper Summerslam 91?? Heenana will always be a major part of my personal Wrestling memories, just pure brilliance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Up Chuck Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 Consider in TNA: Â [Don West says something asinine] Tenay: We'll teach him, won't we, Bobby? Heenan: No. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 Anyone read Heenan's book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
windoesnot Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Anyone read Heenan's book? Â Yes, was a while back and whilst not the longest of biographies, was a good read. He speaks a lot of his time with Andre too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snitsky's back acne Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Heenen - 'Dumb Canadians, naming their city after the Lone Rangers sidekick' Monsoon - 'What!?' Heenan - 'Toronto' Monsoon - 'It's Tonto, you idiot!' Heenan - 'Don't yell at me!' Â Heenan - 'Tito Santana there, acknowledging his sister' Monsoon - 'Who's his sister?' Heenan - 'Arriba McIntyre' Monsoon - 'It's not Arriba, it's Reba' Heenan - 'Are you sure?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 On Roddy Piper's Golden Gloves boxing background; Â Monsoon: Piper was a Golden Gloves boxer. Heenan: Yeah, yeah, Golden Gloves. That's amateur punk stuff. Monsoon: Amateur punk stuff? Heenan: You don't get paid for that, do ya? Monsoon: No. Heenan: Amateur punk stuff. Â And on Typhoon; Â You know what slows down Typhoon? Twinkies...Hostess cupcakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 Not so much funny, but the way he sold 123 Kid's win against Razor Ramon was fantastic, really put over how big a deal it was. The way his voice gave way during "HE BEAT RAZOR RAMON!" was fantastic. Â I loved it at Summerslam London when he got mixed up at Lennox Lewis's next opponent. Â Bobby: He's fighting Razor Ramon?! Vince: RAZOR RUDDOCK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted March 19, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted March 19, 2013 "It takes a really good team to beat The Bushwhackers. It just doesn't take them very long." Â "That's my second favourite song." (on Real American) "What's your favourite?" "All the rest are tied." Â "Don't touch him Perfect, don't touch that ref!" "Why not, a disqualification saves the title?" "OK, then NAIL HIM!" Â I can't be bothered with any others. Most of Heenan's work in the '92 Rumble eclipses anything else anyway. Go read it in my review in the Rumble review thread. Don't like it? Go fuck yourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkship Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "They smell like the bilge on a tuna ship. What are they, brothers? Cousins? What?" "Luke's mother and Butch's mother were mothers." "Gee, thanks for clearing that up, Monsoon!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The King Of Swing Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 May be a little off. Â Heenan: I remember when I was champion once. Monsoon: Champion of what? Heenan: Of my neighborhood. Â During the Hart/Piper match from Wrestlemania VIII I think. Â "If it was me I would have my agent buy it (IC Title) for me and if that didn't work I would waffle him out back with a tire iron." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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