Jump to content

If all the trees rose up against us, could we defeat them?


Mr. Seven

Recommended Posts

  • Moderators

Fire seems like it would be so slow though. And massive trees clunking around on fire will do too much damage.

 

I think it has to be a combination of chemical warfare and blades of some kind.

 

 

How about what our best arena for these battles to take place? In zombie flicks, the cities are the first to go, and with good reason. However, with trees being the enemy the countryside ain't no good either. I have a feeling we're kinda fucked in this country. I think Pat mentioned some arrid Russian steppes at some point.. It's gotta be stuff like that. Deserts, tundras, mountains.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 98
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Moderators
How about what our best arena for these battles to take place? In zombie flicks, the cities are the first to go, and with good reason. However, with trees being the enemy the countryside ain't no good either. I have a feeling we're kinda fucked in this country. I think Pat mentioned some arrid Russian steppes at some point.. It's gotta be stuff like that. Deserts, tundras, mountains.

 

Personally, I'd jack a boat from the harbour and head out to sea as soon as I could. They'd float, and might be able to use their branches to swim, but not very fast, and they'd have the tide to contend with, plus they'd get really heavy as they soaked up the water. The salt might have a decaying effect too.

 

I don't know what I'd do out there besides run like a pussy, mind. But maybe that buys enough time for someone somewhere to come up with a solution, or for the army to take control (although I think it would be too chaotic too fast, and society would crumble within hours, army included). If not, the long game of heat/cold and wet/dry might fuck them up eventually. Free from the soil, with all that expanding and contracting, it's a waiting game.

 

Unless they can rest up by replanting, that is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Water travel is an interesting one.

 

How are we assuming they move on land? I never thought they would totally uproot in the first place, rather that they would kinda drag themselves along with their roots still in the ground (like, pulling themselves forward through the ground by the roots). Which would mean that in water travel, they're going to just move along the bed of the body of water. So if that's deep enough and we can lure them out far enough, they'll just be unable to photosynthesise underwater and die.

 

Also, that theory again makes a height advantage a possible tactic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
Water travel is an interesting one.

 

How are we assuming they move on land? I never thought they would totally uproot in the first place, rather that they would kinda drag themselves along with their roots still in the ground (like, pulling themselves forward through the ground by the roots). Which would mean that in water travel, they're going to just move along the bed of the body of water. So if that's deep enough and we can lure them out far enough, they'll just be unable to photosynthesise underwater and die.

 

Also, that theory again makes a height advantage a possible tactic.

 

I'd imagined them uprooting fully. Either way, get them away from the soil, and we've got a fighting chance. Luring them underwater is an interesting angle, although I think they'd just float to the surface. I'm not a scientist, but the buoyancy at the kind of depth where a tree is standing up and 'drowning' would probably be more than enough to send them bobbing back up. They'd have to have a lot of strength in their stubby little legs/roots to get below the surface in the first place. The greater their mass, the more difficult it would be for them to sink.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fire seems like it would be so slow though. And massive trees clunking around on fire will do too much damage.

 

I think it has to be a combination of chemical warfare and blades of some kind.

 

 

How about what our best arena for these battles to take place? In zombie flicks, the cities are the first to go, and with good reason. However, with trees being the enemy the countryside ain't no good either. I have a feeling we're kinda fucked in this country. I think Pat mentioned some arrid Russian steppes at some point.. It's gotta be stuff like that. Deserts, tundras, mountains.

 

Last time I did Geography the nearst tree was 1k from the middle of the steppe.. So you'd have almost a year to prepare if you were in the right place. Id say napalm them or tactical nuke depending how far out then sort out all kinds of exfoiliant etc. The landscape isnt condusive to trees so wouldnt get the nutrients and then die. The chances are better there then anywhere else IMO

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
Last time I did Geography the nearst tree was 1k from the middle of the steppe.. So you'd have almost a year to prepare if you were in the right place. Id say napalm them or tactical nuke depending how far out then sort out all kinds of exfoiliant etc. The landscape isnt condusive to trees so wouldnt get the nutrients and then die. The chances are better there then anywhere else IMO

 

If you can get some kind of fence-post machine that punches deep, cylindrical holes in the earth, you could set plenty of traps. A tree's going to fall down one of those like the | piece in Tetris, and there ain't no way out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If they're dragging themselves through the ground with roots still implanted, life gets easier in the cities. Surely the tarmac and concrete and whatnot would slow them right down? I'm certainly imagining them uprooted and running octopus-like with their roots.

 

I think chainsaws might be pretty viable for tall, straight trees. If their lowest branches are above head height, you could probably get in about their roots quite quickly, chop them off and the bastards would over-balance. At that point, you're shooting fish in a barrel. The other trick might be to get as many of them as possible into an enclosed space then burn them all. It might mean some poor buggers acting as bait, but if you can lure them into an enclosed space with high buildings on at least three sides, you then just get your average petrol tanker, attach firehoses and let rip.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Walking home from work today I kept looking around at all the trees with this thread in mind. There were fucking loads of massive ones that I'd never even paid attention to before. I really wouldn't like our chances in this war, not in Britain anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Yeah, you don't realise just how many there are until you're faced with something like this. It's terrifying. I remember there was a huge roundabout in Leicester that used to be covered in trees, and I was pretty irritated when they cut them all down, but christ, that would've been a decent base for them to make an assault on the city centre. In fact, there's so many parks within a mile or two of there in most directions, that they'd have had the city surrounded in no time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I walked past a fella trimming the branches of the trees in his front garden today. I almost stopped to shake his hand. Instead I gave him a kind of secretive, knowing nod. I'm pretty sure he knew the score.

 

 

 

Is it possible that, even if we win, we end up losing, as the trees stop providing oxygen? Would the reverse be true? GCSE science seems a long time ago......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members
Is it possible that, even if we win, we end up losing, as the trees stop providing oxygen? Would the reverse be true? GCSE science seems a long time ago......

 

Rules

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...