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If all the trees rose up against us, could we defeat them?


Mr. Seven

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Thought about this and strategic commands would have to be set up on the Russian Steppes, where afaik there are no trees and in various deserts around the world, to make sure that humans could be coordinated. We would need to tactical nuke Redwoods (as are somewhat fire retardant), them bastards could wipe out millions without any trouble Other larger tree species would also need to be dealt with via Napalm/tactical Nukes.

 

As for weapons of choice, chainsaw's, woodchipper's and variety of lashing/stripping devices would be good against smaller trees and bushes (are bushes being included?). I also think that going to go on water will be a problem for us as cetain tyoes of wood floats and they could cause immeasurable damage to smaller ships in small groups of trees and larger ships would struggle if swamped by them

 

Overall I think it would be a close run thing, there would be pockets of humanity left, but not many.

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Are the trees any good at swimming?

 

EDIT: patdfb and I are serious thinkers.

 

I've never seen a tree swim, saying that I've never seen a killer tree either so it is possible. I think it would be viable to overcome this, at great human cost however. I would be dead almost straight away as there is a tasty looking pine that stares right into my flat. His many branches would snap me in half with ease, although I could use my neighbours as distractions. One has MS and walks with a cane, the other is morbidly obese, and my third neighbour is a 95 year old Australian women.

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How steady on their "feet" are they? I presume they're not quite as hard to move as they would be if they were still rooted, but could your average family saloon car ram an average sized tree and knock them over, or would the tree stand strong?

 

Also, you mention that the trees can bash doors in. I assume larger trees have a stronger bashing branch on them than smaller ones, but what would the swinging strength of a large oak be akin to? As in, could a huge tree smash through brick walls and other man made structures in this scenario?

 

Would the trees be open to support from hippie movements and other race traitors or would they indiscriminately crush them? I'm wondering if rogue pro-tree humans would significantly help the tree cause or if they'd be of little relevance.

 

Lastly, why is this scenario so much fun to think about when The Happening was so irredeemably, unfathomably, unforgivably and vomit-inducingly shit?

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I wouldn't be worried at all we've spent decades and millions of pounds on machines to quickly fell, strip the bark off trees before cutting them into lengths. look on youtube for the many vids of buncher fellers to see these mechanical beasts in action. I have my chainsaw license and I've done some work with the forestry commision before one guy in a machine would do more work than 10 of us, but the machine couldn't make it up the hills we were working on, which would be the big downfall of it.

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Do the trees die once you've hacked them in half with a chain saw though? These are "zombie trees", so maybe they'll still come after you, even after you've chopped off their lower half. Total destruction may be needed to kill these bark boys.

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I reckon we'd win. We've got thousands of years of experience of wiping out trees, the added problem of them being mobile would only set us back a little.

 

However, this really throws out personal survival plans, which have been meticulously put together based on ground-hugging zombies. With trees having reach into second and even third story windows, the general "barricade yourself into the top floor" is out of the window, excuse the pun. My zombie survival kit might have to be expanded to include a chainsaw.

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Do the trees die once you've hacked them in half with a chain saw though? These are "zombie trees", so maybe they'll still come after you, even after you've chopped off their lower half. Total destruction may be needed to kill these bark boys.

This definitely needs further explanation.

 

How badly does a tree need to be damaged to be considered dead? Cutting one of those badass giant Redwoods into little pieces would be pretty much impossible in a battle situation.

 

Do the trees 'sleep'? Or rather, are they primarily active during the day but less so at night?

 

Can the trees reproduce? How long must a tree be standing before it can pull itself out of the ground and attack?

 

Can the trees heal themselves? i.e. can they plug themselves back into the ground for a bit and regrow severed or damaged limbs?

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