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Deathmatch interest thread


Richie Freebird

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Would just like to add that I also lurk alot in this thread and love the enthusiastic reviews, despite not being a fan of the style....I think we can all relate in some way and have enjoyed violent pro wrestling at some point in our lives, whether that be your more vanilla WWE/TNA hardcore/ladder/cell/table/thumbtack matches, bring your own weapons ECW matches or old Foley IWA stuff, we've all experienced the thrills Richie so accurately (and honestly) described earlier, even if it's not to the degree of he does so.I also think he should be commended for rising above some of the personal attacks in this thread. Keep the reviews coming pal...

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I second a return to the reviews. By far the best thing about this thread and when they're the focus, it really is an excellent thread. I'll post a small observation in an attempt to get things back on track.I re-watched the 2001 King of the Deathmatches last week. It's actually a LOT better than I remember it.

that was always my favorite death match tournament, i must have rewatched that thing in it's entirity 20 times.
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I still have a pretty extensive look at CoD 6 saved on there which still needs more work before posting.

 

That's a great match but totally baffling to.....I don't understand the amount of time between wrestlers coming down like one time it's like one minute then 5 minutes goes before another wrestler comes down then 30 seconds.....just totally random and lawless match.

 

I don't know if I would call it a death match though it does have some insane stunts pretty much peppered throughout it. But doesn't have the grungy feel of a deathmatch

 

Your reviews are great Richie please keep up the good work man :)

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I'll be at the wXw/CZW Tournament of Death on Sunday in Oberhausen so I'll do my best to post updates/results on my Twitter page (@thomaskayll) during the course of the show. It'll be an 8 man tournament over three rounds with single elimination. No idea of match brackets since they're leaving that as a surprise for Sunday, but here's the list of lucky entrants and the first round stipulations.

 

"The Bulldozer" Matt Tremont (Master of Pain 2012)

Jimmy Havoc (Hardcore Lottery Winner 2006, 2007, 2009)

"Der K

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Really cool to see Jack Jester in there. He's brilliant in ICW up here so it's great to see him taking on these big names. I'd actually LOVE it if ICW held a King of the Deathmatches style tournament at some point. It would fit right in to the style of the promotion.

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I thought I'd chuck in a review because even though it isn't blood and guts, it's still called a "Deathmatch" and I got a smile out of it, so here goes...

 

Bread Eating Deathmatch

Tsuyoshi Kikuchi vs. Ken Ohka

Union Pro Wrestling - 01/03/2011

 

Yes, you read that correctly. A Bread Eating Deathmatch. Probably the most well-known Union Pro match on the web, they seem to be from what I can gather a subsidiary of Dramatic Dream Team AKA DDT, the guys who brought you those brilliant Kota Ibushi deathmatches in the woods, the coffee shop and a sporting memorabilia store as well as YOSHIKIKO, a wrestling inflatable doll, and a Hardcore title which was once won by a Ladder after it accidentally fell on the champion and the referee counted the pin under 24/7 rules. This came about after Kikuchi fucked up Ken Ohka bad and put him on the shelf, with the story being that Ken Ohka has spent the past eternity in a hospital bed, eating nothing but bread for sustenance. This match used to be on Youtube with a cracking intro video with typical Janapese dramatoCGI histrionics that you can tend to expect from companies like Union Pro, DDT and BJW, but the uploads left on Youtube now don't have it sadly. A cursory note to Kikuchi's panto heel face which looks like Captain Harris from Police Academy after he's smelt a really bad fart. Kikuchi is the master of maniacal gurning.

 

The rules? I have no godly idea. It's made entirely clear what the rules are, whether they have to eat a certain quota of bread, or whoever eats the most bread in an alloted amount of time. All I know is there's bread and fucking loads of it. There's a metal bar suspended above the ring, with various types of bread hanging off strings of different sizes. There's baguettes, full-blown tin loaves and even little patisserie roll things. I think Kikuchi is disgusted by this whole thing, but the stroke-gurn makes it hard to tell. He goes under the bread gingerly (Ha! Get it? Gingerly! As in GINGERBREAD!) as they shake hands. The bell rings and the match begins with some trash-talking, before we get full into the bakeryviolence as both men weakly try and grab bites out of the suspended bread ala a Halloween party in the Kingsmill factory. Ohka gets a bite out of a nice-looking little patisserie roll before Kikuchi pushes him away and cracks a joke about bread. This is a lot of the match, if I'm honest, Japanese verbal bread puns so pardon my ignorance as I don't know Japanese. AND NOW WE'RE INTO THE FOREARM STRIKES! YES! Purotastic exchange of forearms sees Ohka land a DDT for the first proper move of the match. Kikuchi bails to the outside and grabs Ohka by the feet! He fastens him to the ringpost with random cables and some parcel tape (honestly).

 

Kikuchi you cheating shit! Ohka's tied to the ringpost so Kikuchi can now dine at his leisure. We're not allowed to use hands in this one, folks. BUT OHKA'S OUT OF THE PARCEL TAPE! He smashes Kikuchi with an axehandle AND THEN TAPES UP HIS MOUTH WITH THE PARCEL TAPE! Excellent ring awareness there, now Kikuchi can't eat any more bread as his mouth is taped shut! Ohka follows up by going straight for the full-size French baton as Kikuchi stares in absolute mirth. Ohka can't get his mouth round the baguette as it keeps spinning round on the wire. Kikuchi untapes himself as Ohka finally gives up, using his hands to break the baguette in two, swinging at Cot. Harris before clubbing him in the head with it. Unintelligbile bread pun #2 is followed by both men dropping to their knees and devouring the scraps of baton left. Kikuchi keeps up the dastardly heel act as he grabs a glass of milk from ringside! That's not fair! You can't have something to accompany the bread! Ohka sees this and tussles with Kikuchi for the milk, spilling it before Cpt. Harris can get a drink of it. Kikuchi is not best pleased, but neither is Ohka as he tries to take a bite out of a small roll, most probably used for soup, but Kikuchi pulls the rope up so he cannot reach it. Kikuchi tries to finish him off with a Walls of Jericho, as Ohka clambours not for the rope, but for a baguette lying on the floor.

 

This to-and-fro continues until Kikuchi ends up crossfacing Ohka whilst Ohka is still munching French stick. Ohka tries for a hulk-up comeback, but he's caught in a inverted Hell's Gate which sees Kikuchi headbutting what can be described as a Hearty Italian from Subway. Both men scramble for scraps, resulting in a trade-off on their kness. They then spend the next few moments rolling about on the mat, getting the odd strike in. It's at this point that you will realise that you have spent the last 10 minutes trying to eat bread, or more to the point, trying to stop their opponent from eating bread. If you haven't already had an existential crisis, it gets worse as suddenly hands become legal for no apparent reason with each man grabbing bits of ciabatta or whatever. The milk comes into play ocne again as the glass gets a refill. The Referee makes a brilliant one-liner, but we'll never know what it is as it's in Japanese. Chaos ensues as Ohka goes for Samoa Joe's coquinha clutch thing and causes all the bread ropes to become entangled and send both men tumbling to the canvas. AND IT'S OVER! I don't know why it ended, both men ate bread and Kikuchi was declared the winner. All I know is OHKA IS TOAST!

 

In conclusion, a strange match that could only have emanated from the land of the Rising Sun. With no discernible logic to proceedings and a massive language barrier in a match which partially revolved around verbal puns/jokes, this wasn't exactly ground-breaking, but they did do well trying to put some form of psychology into it (IE: Stopping their opponent from eating the bread) with the parcel tape and the milk. None of this matters though because ultimately, I've just spent 15/20 minutes watching and examining 2 Japanese men eat bread. I am wasting my life.

 

For Fans Of: A nice sesame seed cob.

Not For Fans Of: Semblance.

 

If you too want to piss away 15 minutes of valuable time on this planet here is the match in full:

Edited by Forrest
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Really cool to see Jack Jester in there. He's brilliant in ICW up here so it's great to see him taking on these big names. I'd actually LOVE it if ICW held a King of the Deathmatches style tournament at some point. It would fit right in to the style of the promotion.

 

Contact Mark Dallas on facebook I'm sure the least you'd get is a response. He's open to ideas and is generally pretty good at responding to fan's stuff.

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I don't know if anyone has posted this before but here is a link to Tournament Of Death 9. It's a great show lots of good spots and violence

 

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTkwNjgyMjQ0.html

 

1st Round Match-ups

 

1st Time Ever

JOHN ZANDIG vs MASADA

 

Grudge match

JC BAILEY vs. DANNY HAVOC (if cleared)

 

1st Time Ever

NICK GAGE vs. BJW's ABDULLAH KOBAYASHI

 

SCOTTY VORTEKZ vs. DYSFUNCTION

 

 

 

Non-Tourney Matches

 

Ultraviolent Grudge Match

DRAKE YOUNGER vs BRAIN DAMAGE

 

Ultraviolent Tag Team Deathmatch - Fans Bring the Weapons

D.J. HYDE & GREG EXCELLENT vs SAMI CALLIHAN & 'CHAINSAW' JOE GACY

 

plus the TOD9 semi-final and final

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I think the use of needles put an end to my enjoyment of TOD, that Gage getting set alight.

For one, that sentence barely make sense. For two, what were you expecting from a Tournament of Death? The needles and the fire incidents weren

Edited by quote the raven
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