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UKFF Battle Rap 2012: Quarter Finals


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The rules:


1. Each rap must consist of 16 lines. No more, no less.


2. Maximum of two raps each.


3. You have until 3:00pm on Saturday 18th February to post. If you post nothing by the deadline, you're out.


4. Voting will commence after the rapping deadline. The cut-off point for votes will be 10:00pm on Wednesday 22nd February.


Best of luck, sluts.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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A few lines, composed on my phone as I walked to the Tube station on a Saturday morning, not really feeling in the battling spirit and so deciding to take the Brother Love approach to proceedings.


I don't want to fight you, JLM

I'd rather fly away on KLM

Take off to Tahiti, or the Bahamas

Or maybe South America to see some fucking llamas


Who made me fight you, JLM?

Whoever's to blame, I'll impale them

I remember you back when your avatar was Shingo

But now it's Princess Peach, you'd smash her fictional vajingo


I'm fucking crap at battling, JLM

It's like with boats and shit, I can't sail them

I know I'm supposed to talk shite about your mother

But I'm not even gonna talk about how Birdo was your lover


So now it's my last stanza, JLM

If we were Blackjacks I'd be Lanza, you'd be Windh-L-M

You're one of UKFF's most glamorous fellas

If we were the Divas, you'd be both the fucking Bellas.

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Who made me fight you, JLM?

Whoever's to blame, I'll impale them

Oh no she didn't....


Mr. Generator, or can I call you Harmonic?

Think I'll call you what I want, you dinner-mashing cockoholic

I was merely an impartial, but now since you wanna hit me

I'm gonna be all over you like bath water over Whitney.


Once your key to Rap City, I'm now the door to your tomb

Fuck the sugar in your medicine, I'm the salt in your wound

A gash as big as your mums. That vortex needs a suture.

I'd wish you well in your endeavours but you have no fucking future.


HarmonicGenerator, you are Arsenal, I'm Milan

Want to know who's to blame? Well, to steal from Vince McMahon,

It was me, Generator, it was me all along

The clue is in the "Topic Starter" grid, you fucking mong.


Want to bite the hand that feeds? I'll bring a chainsaw to your play fight

I'm David from The Lost Boys, you're that pasty cunt from Twilight

And you've just witnessed an eclipse, like Dawn French on Lenny Henry

Wipe the spunk from your lips, bitch, you've just been cucked by Menry.

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