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The UKFF's 10 Most Hated Films 2012 - The Results!

Devon Malcolm

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119 films. All a load of crap. Mostly. 48 different number ones. A few crossovers with the good list. And an entry at number 2 that makes me very happy indeed.


It's time for the shitlist. I'll be updating them underneath with the first one to come after this post. By the way, that font colour is supposed to be turd-brown but it's not very good, is it?


10) Spider-Man 3 (2007)

=5) Spawn (1997)

=5) Watchmen (2008)

=5) The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

=5) Sex And The City 2 (2010)

=5) Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

4) Donnie Darko (2001)

3) Titanic (1997)

2) The Matrix (1999)

1) Batman & Robin (1997)




* 'Top' rated films receiving no other votes


* Everything that was voted for (points order)






Spider-Man 3 (2007)




People wot put it in 1st place: 1


IMDB Rating: 6.3


What's it about?


An evil Spider-Man comes to sort out the good Spider-Man or something?


What do we say?


My knowledge of the Spider-Man films doesn't really extend much past the bit with Kirsten Dunst's nipples in the first one, if I am honest with you. I mean, the cartoon was good. When I was 8. But apparently people weren't happy with this at all. Especially Dingbat:-


"The hype all led to a fucking shitefest."


If it was the shitefest that Dingbat says it was, then Sam Raimi and co should be ashamed of themselves given the cast he had. Nothing makes me seethe more than a film that wastes a really good cast. Cliff Robertson, Bryce Dallas Howard, James Cromwell, Willem Dafoe, Dylan Baker! BILL NUNN! It's got Bill Nunn in it!


I'm still not watching it, though.


Some crap bits! (I think)



Enter, Sandman (this really looks very stupid indeed)

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Narrowing down to 3 bad films is so hard, that any kind of discussion about it is filled with you going "GAH! MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE PICKED THAT!" Spidey III definitely falls into that category.


I remember before it came out, reading a horrific review by someone who'd caught a leak of the script, but I didn't buy it at all. Their description of the plot was so wacky, with Venom not even showing up until the final act, and Uncle Ben's death - Peter Parker's entire motivation - being retconned to where Sandman was now at fault. "LOL, not falling for that rubbish!"


Then the first trailer hit, with a scene confirming the Uncle Ben stuff. Totally lose all interest in seeing it at that point, although I still did, but it's just as awful as everyone says. The one high point is what, up until Rise of the Planet of the Apes, was the best ever use of CG to convey a character, in that fucking stunning, super-long-single-shot Sandman origin scene. The rest is fucking garbage though. Raimi's said that he never wanted Venom in, and the script was finished, with a Sandman/Goblin II story, but the studio literally made him stuff Venom in among what had already been written, which is why it feels like such a horribly crowbarred in pile of bullshit

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I actually really enjoy Spider-Man 3. It's bloated but there's still a lot of interesting stuff in there and, while it's definite a victim of studio interference, I think it falls into the same trap of The Matrix sequels of not being what people expected so immediately just given no chance. I do think though that a big reason why I'm fine with it while everyone else isn't is that I don't like Venom, so him being sidelined didn't bother me in the slightest.

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This goes to show that if you are lucky enough to get Willem Dafoe in your cast, the more minutes he is on-screen is directly in proportion with the quality of the film.


It was shite, but then I suffer from the fact that the older I get, and the more seriously comic adaptations get, the less I enjoy them. He's a man dressed as a Spider, for Christ's sake.

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The 'emo' peter dance sequence is the worst part for me


The effects are really good though especially during the final fight sequence. The news reporter does my head in though. Overall there's just too much crammed in and three villians is too much and the amount of venom is a let down


Gladstone that last link is your favourite part of scott pilgrim. What's it supposed to be?

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Spider-Man 3 is ghastly to the point that it makes me hate the first two. I actually rewatched this over Christmas, the first time since the cinema in 2007, to see if it was as bad as I recalled. Turns out when you're not with your friends and laughing in sheer disbelief at what's in front of you, it's a whole lot worse.


Emo Parker and the tribute to Anchorman's jazz flute are the obvious - and deserved - targets but jesus christ the entire thing is a fucking MESS. If you were so inclined and it wouldn't be a massive waste of time, you could devote a thesis or at least one hell of a lengthy chapter to just how big of a failure this film is, and I'm not some crazy Spidey geek who got all offended, just someone who liked the cartoons as a kid, found the first two films to be decent and marvelled (hur hur) at just how much of a trainwreck Sam Raimi's last stab at it was.


Where do you even begin? In the opening scenes, Peter Parker is presented as a bizarre, perma-smiling egomaniac. His actions are that of a fucking weirdo and all he does is mug and boast about how amazing his life is and how much everyone adores Spider-Man. Heavy-handed foreshadowing much? Speaking of, bravo scriptwriter's for telegraphing Harry's sacrifice TWENTY MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE.


Other 'highlights':


- The giant fucking out of control crane that Spider-Man ignores after saving Gwen Stacey from her model photoshoot (?)




- Aunt May and her stupid face


- Kirsten Dunst and her 'Oh christ I'm so fucking bored of this face'


- Harry and MJ swing-dancing in the kitchen


- The on location reporter during the final set piece who narrates for us


- Did you know sand can fly?


- Killing Venom off after ten minutes


- The editing. It's mind-boggling how shoddily this film is put together. It looks like the biggest budget student project of all time


- Tobey Maguire is fucking insufferable throughout


- Deus Ex Butler


- The laughable CGI in the Spidey/Harry fight. Bad at the time and fuck me it hasn't aged well


- Not having Danny Elfman on board should be a massive plus, but not when his replacement just follows his template


Wretched stuff all round.

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It's only a small part, but the bit where Spider-Man conveniently poses in front of the American flag before coming to the rescue is one the most awful moments of film I've seen.


I wrote an essay last year regarding cynicism in modern cinema and that moment ended up fuelling all kinds of paragraphs but I thought that was a real nice schmaltzy hero moment in the film and the prevailing trend against it is the idea that everything has to be dark, moody and that kind of shit but that shot is just simply here is Spider-Man; a real American hero.


The 'emo' peter dance sequence is the worst part for me


This is another bit that a lot of people hate that I really, really enjoyed and the thing which a few people I've talked to about it have said is that it was just goofy and made Spidey just seem like a dick but that's really the point. People get too hung up on what a hero and villain are supposed to be, I think, so when a scene like this happens, even though it makes total sense in the movie, it's hated. I mean, the symbiote emphasises the hosts biggest flaws, so when you have a jealous nerd who's lost the love of his life, it makes sense that it would turn him into some super show off that's trying to be macho, but has no idea how because he's a socially inept dweeb.


Actually, fuck it; I think I actually genuinely like Spider-Man 3 and I'm going to watch it again later to see if it really is hip, now, wow and how.

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