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UKFF Battle Rap 2012: Round 1


CuckedByMenry

From each battle, who do you think should advance?  

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The deadline for any and all first round submissions is Saturday 21st January at 3:00pm. All future submissions to be no more/less than 16 lines. Good luck.

 

Shit Poster vs Jambo

 

Shit Poster:

"Shit poster don't give a fuck about jambo he's an asshole

He can't post half as good as Gladstone

your pulling technique?

A hundred times worse than Gatso

 

I got this lyrical tidal wave ready to collapse you

Your Scottish and tried to be brave

But where's your heart

your posts on this forum

look like a 5 year olds work of art

 

Me and you rapping is miles aprt

I am the rappng John Cena

No one meaner

I'll smack you down worse than Ike did to Tina

 

Your the Dundee supporter

I am the Ted Bundy supporter

You just got publicly murdered

Shame your mother never heard of abortion."

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Jimmy Kahoona vs El Nicko Loco

 

The man I got is El Nicko loco

I should just sit back and drink hot Coco

With a Mexican name is just absurd

Man I bet he looks like a turd

Yo dog just relax and keep it cool

While your man lounges down the pool

Drinking margaritas and living it large

Just like your mama, whos a fukin barge

Now I won

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Jambo's Retort

 

Jambo is my username, but the gimmick is James Midas,

Shit Poster started the battle, but I know what the final line is,

You say you're the forums little own John Cena, RISE ABOVE HATE,

The truth is, I'm the reason why your girls period is a little bit late.

 

I'm not just rapping here to be someone respected,

Because your raps are the lyrics Rebecca Black rejected,

It may not yet be Friday, but here's tonights Smackdown,

You're a wanna be Cole, and I'm the King with the crown.

 

You say you've got a lyrical tidal wave, so I got ready to Surf,

The matter of fact is, I still see nothing here but green turf,

Shit Poster's here, he thinks he's the big kahuna,

If that was really true, I wouldda rap replied sooner.

 

And yes, I am Scottish, and I do want independence,

All because your Little England fucking adolescence,

You say you're Ted Bundy, and I shouldda been aborted,

This rap just buried you so deep, you'll never be excavated.

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Jimmy, I have no beef with you dear boy,

But I'm about to send you back to the nursery to play with your toys.

 

You've bitten off more than you can chew, at least you've got some guts,

Not bad for someone who's mothers clunge looks like a hedgehog with its throat cut.

 

You say I'm not much of a horse, more that of a little piggy,

Your mother would still disagree, as she loves my motion around her little clitty, which really isn't that pretty.

 

I didn't want to resort to motherly jibes, so please beg my pardon,

I'll no longer use such jargen in bringing up Mrs Kahoona's lady garden.

 

But for you to dismiss Dublin and Fox is really quite the crime,

so I'll finish by downing you like a bottle of Sol with extra lime.

 

I've bigger fish to fry in this competition, such is my rhyming intuition,

I'm the UKFF's Norwich special edition.

 

Laugh at me all you want, tell me that with my Norfolk brothers and sisters that I'm smitten,

In which case my posse are a collosal incest army with one soul mission.

 

I'm taking over this battle rap scene, no time for pretenders for I'm such a treat,

I just came on you like your a small boy and I'm a catholic priest.

 

*Drive by via combine harvester*

 

 

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Jambo's Retort

 

Jambo is my username, but the gimmick is James Midas,

Shit Poster started the battle, but I know what the final line is,

You say you're the forums little own John Cena, RISE ABOVE HATE,

The truth is, I'm the reason why your girls period is a little bit late.

 

I'm not just rapping here to be someone respected,

Because your raps are the lyrics Rebecca Black rejected,

It may not yet be Friday, but here's tonights Smackdown,

You're a wanna be Cole, and I'm the King with the crown.

 

You say you've got a lyrical tidal wave, so I got ready to Surf,

The matter of fact is, I still see nothing here but green turf,

Shit Poster's here, he thinks he's the big kahuna,

If that was really true, I wouldda rap replied sooner.

 

And yes, I am Scottish, and I do want independence,

All because your Little England fucking adolescence,

You say you're Ted Bundy, and I shouldda been aborted,

This rap just buried you so deep, you'll never be excavated.

 

Jambo the gimmick of James Midas

Or jerry the king and boring

Your shit and still don

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Jambo the gimmick of James Midas

Or jerry the king and boring

Your shit and still don’t surprise us

 

My bitch’s period is late

I heard from your ex date

Jerry the king lasts longer in the rumble

 

You got my words all twisted

Making shit up that never existed

I got the razor sharp literature

I always spat the sharpest

 

Mach 3 razor you lack real status smoke crack breathe vapours

Through a straw and medicine bottle Your mum said to me your shits incredible poster

How do you create such beautiful compositions that get peoples heads nodding whether or not they want to listen

This is shit poster on a mission

You’re laying the Friday night Smackdown

5 days before I was getting Raw with your mums ass that remains sore

 

I was going to pick up on Jambo trying to rhyme aborted with excavated, but jesus christ that was just all over the place. Were you high when you wrote that? Did you faint and fall off your chair while freestyling on your webcam?

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Ah what to do. On the one hand I do like to vote against Jambo but on the other Shit Poster is really really shit.

 

Ah, what a spastic you are, you like to vote against Jambo for what? Little bit of a laugh on an internet forum. We both had a go I wasn't great didn't claim to be Nas in his prime just thought I would have a go for a laugh.

 

Anyways I voted for Jambo because he smoked my ass and I voted for Jimmy.

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Ah what to do. On the one hand I do like to vote against Jambo but on the other Shit Poster is really really shit.

 

Ah, what a spastic you are, you like to vote against Jambo for what? Little bit of a laugh on an internet forum. We both had a go I wasn't great didn't claim to be Nas in his prime just thought I would have a go for a laugh.

 

Anyways I voted for Jambo because he smoked my ass and I voted for Jimmy.

 

You're a tad defensive no? I know Jambo outwith this place (I know, real life, shocking!), and like most people do so like to needle each other from time to time. Some day you might understand the dynamics of human encounters in a non-electronic setting but for now please be content with the knowledge that you're a tube, and that you were just so absolutely awful that I couldn't do anything but vote against you.

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Ah what to do. On the one hand I do like to vote against Jambo but on the other Shit Poster is really really shit.

 

Ah, what a spastic you are, you like to vote against Jambo for what? Little bit of a laugh on an internet forum. We both had a go I wasn't great didn't claim to be Nas in his prime just thought I would have a go for a laugh.

 

Anyways I voted for Jambo because he smoked my ass and I voted for Jimmy.

 

You're a tad defensive no? I know Jambo outwith this place (I know, real life, shocking!), and like most people do so like to needle each other from time to time. Some day you might understand the dynamics of human encounters in a non-electronic setting but for now please be content with the knowledge that you're a tube, and that you were just so absolutely awful that I couldn't do anything but vote against you.

 

The 80's called they want there insult back, You know people in the outside world ahhhh good for you.

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Ah what to do. On the one hand I do like to vote against Jambo but on the other Shit Poster is really really shit.

 

Ah, what a spastic you are, you like to vote against Jambo for what? Little bit of a laugh on an internet forum. We both had a go I wasn't great didn't claim to be Nas in his prime just thought I would have a go for a laugh.

 

Anyways I voted for Jambo because he smoked my ass and I voted for Jimmy.

 

You're a tad defensive no? I know Jambo outwith this place (I know, real life, shocking!), and like most people do so like to needle each other from time to time. Some day you might understand the dynamics of human encounters in a non-electronic setting but for now please be content with the knowledge that you're a tube, and that you were just so absolutely awful that I couldn't do anything but vote against you.

 

The 80's called they want there insult back, You know people in the outside world ahhhh good for you.

 

Ironic that the phrase you use to tell me that my reference is dated is also incredibly dated. And it's their, not there. Being called a spastic by you is akin to being called fat by Bella Emberg surely?

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