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PILE ON! PILE ON!


Devon Malcolm

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As a kid we'd spend alot of time trying to 'get chases' from older teens and the like. Mad really considering we'd have no idea who most of the people giving chase were and what they might do to us if they did catch us.

 

I always remember Morgan bating local mentalist Paul Hancock into chasing us by calling him 'Paul Hand-on-cock'. We ran for miles that day.

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As a kid we'd spend alot of time trying to 'get chases' from older teens and the like. Mad really considering we'd have no idea who most of the people giving chase were and what they might do to us if they did catch us.

 

There were boys at my school who used to do that as well. I always found it very strange, and presumed it was latent homosexuality behind it and that the lads who did it were hoping it was going to turn into a game of kiss chase. The terminology they used was trying to "get a leg" off a bigger boy.

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When we were in the first year, a lad in our form had arguably the hardest lad in the top year as his brother. We had a trade of first years giving sweets to the big brother and his gang, in return for them battering whoever we requested. It was wonderful.

 

Once a lad in the top year tombstoned a year 10 lad into a bin which was mounted onto the wall for 50p a bag of millions. The lads head and shoulders were wedged into this bin, and his feet were nowhere near the ground because of the position of wall mounted bin. Big Davey Wassel got a nice suspension for his trouble. Even after this incident though, the service continued. Sweets for beats, it should have been called.

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A mate had what was describe as a fight once, but really he was pushed a couple of times and had his jacket pulled over his head a little so he was flailing around a bit while attempting to look tough.

Another mate took the piss for a while after and he didn't like it at all.

 

I remember some lad walked past once holding his face together telling every one to fuck off or he'd fuck them up while a teacher shit themselves. Turns out some one punched him in the face while holding one of those heavy knock off zippo lighters people got of the bank holiday market. I recall a rumour it cracked the orbital bone but it was probably bullshit. I wish I'd have seen it to be honest.

 

The really fat lad stabbed some one in the head with a Biro once too, probably for calling him the really fat lad. I wasn't there but I heard all about it.

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Always mention this. Two teenagers get into a fight in my Secondary School. Just as they are about to start punching, the school bully goes behind one of them and pulls their jacket up over their face. Guy suddenly starts punching everything in sight and ends up clobbering this First Year girl on the side of the neck, decking her. Just the way the girl fell made it even more funny.

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After a shit day at work this thread is just what I needed to smile again :)

 

Anyway on the topic of crazy, dirty mongs. We had a lad called Damien, fucking dirty cunt, was caught fingering his bumhole down the local wood for a cigarette (disturbingly enough, he wasn't the only more who did that but that's another story) so you know he were filth.

 

The harder year 11 lads were playing rugby on the playground one day, just booting the ball to each other when one of them booted it near Wilko our head of yea, ball lads near his feet but misses him. Next thing you hear is Damien screaming 'GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE' as he ploughs right through Wilko with the biggest spear I've ever seen. Totally floored the HOY and got up flexed and ran off. Needless to say he was suspended and people still thought he was a mong. Hilarious at the time, even better looking back picturing it.

 

Apart from that fights at our school sucked. Had a big lanky gay in our year who people used to rip the shit out of, one day he snapped and chased some lads around the playground before slapping them, he screamed like a girl and then ran off back to his 'safe-place' as he used to call it (A portable hut doorway).

 

We had a semi-war with a local high-school, was rumours for days that it was going to happen and that they were going to invade our playground during lunch break yet all that happened was five mongs turning up to get their arses kicked before running away. Could have been something, turned out to be nothing...like WWE's booking of promising talents.

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I know quite a lot of people who have since passed since leaving secondary school (I went to two, switched schools in my third year). Two were killed by being dicks and playing chicken with a train on the main East Coast line; and a couple have committed suicide. There's a couple more too who I'm not sure how they came to pass, but see old school friends leaving 'RIP' messages on their Facebook profiles and think it's a bit distasteful to go, "OMG how did they die?"

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At my school they used to do the standing around in a circle watching the two combatants go at it, however a few would do the shouting 'FIGHT, FIGHT' thing, however the more classy types would just spit repeatedly on the two fighters..

 

The only memorable fight I can recall (Which wasn't really a fight), but the school giant and bully Perry got suspended when we went to Carotty Woods for the school away trip and the school idiot (Jamie somethingorother) pissed into this guys boots, who went on the rampage when he found out. Then on the very first day back from suspension he made a bee line for Jamie grabbed him and S.O.S spotted him through the art dept.window, Jamie bounced off two tables before landing at the Deputy Heads feet. Perry was never seen of again, which was a shame as he was in my house and was awesome to have on your Rugby team.

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No one I went to school with is dead, yet, but one went to prison for twatting a cop and another is doing hard time for manslaughter.

 

One girl who I went to school with is dead. She ended up working as a prozzy and met her match somewhere in Doncaster. They never caught the bastard who did it.

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During my last year of high school, watching two second year brothers kick the absolute shit into each other over a game of football and seeing the Teachers allow it as it was better they got it out their system then rather than later on at home. The one absolutely pasted the other than sat on top of the P.E. storage locker for a good half hour.

 

Last story I heard about that kid, he beat up some defenceless kid in the year below him so the year below mine on their last day clingfilmed the fucker to a rugby post with his legs off the ground and proceeded to kick balls at his head for quite a while before any of the teachers decided they should stop it. Karma really.

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Last story I heard about that kid, he beat up some defenceless kid in the year below him so the year below mine on their last day clingfilmed the fucker to a rugby post with his legs off the ground and proceeded to kick balls at his head for quite a while before any of the teachers decided they should stop it. Karma really.

This is brilliant.

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About 4 people I went to school with are now dead, given I'm only 27 and there were about 250 people in my school, it's a worrying thought.

 

The saddest one was a lad called Thomas, who commited suicide last year by chucking himself off the Orwell Bridge (the local suicide hotspot.) The wierd thing was, he was the most normal guy in the world at school, completely straight edge, bit of a square, straight A's. Turns out he was clinically depressed.

 

Fights are my school were rare (about 1 a year, I went to a pretty tame village school,) and were always, without fail, shit.

 

We had plently of mongs though, one guy called Michael stabbed himself in the hand with a fountain pen on his first day. He definately had issues

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