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Times When You Have Gone Arse Over tit.


Kata Ha Jime

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Stolen? This? How dare ye!?

 

Anyway, I'm sure there are bound to be great stories and I will start off with hopefully a mildly entertaining story.

 

In Lincoln when I was about 8/9 I was pretty much sworn enemies with another lad. We hated each other though not entirely sure of the reason, anyway I had heard that he came from his street and took something from my house (front garden or the side of the house, I never found out) so my first intention was to kill him, and it remained my intention until old stoney drive way got in my path. A woman had been moving stones off her drive way and left them on the pavement so when I was running to give this guy a "kick in" I slipped in rather a banana skin way and landed on my hip. Now my intention was to go and hide and hope no one saw me.

 

Don't think anyone did, my hip was a mess though.

 

Also saw an old lady fall in Asda, slowest fall I have ever seen to this day.

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There's a path that goes up a hill to get out of one of the commons in Cambridge which is notoriously bad for icing up, every winter it's the same and you get a hell of a lot of comedy pratfalls. Infuriating when you're in a hurry, but hilarious if you're just passing by. People generally get about 5 or 6 paces up before sliding back down again and you quite often get a gathering of people standing at the bottom wondering how they're going to get up. It's a bit like the travelator from Gladiators.

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Last year, I saw an old guy go absolutely flying in Glasgow. He was walking normally, he stands on the spot for a bit, starts running backwards FRANTICALLY for some reason. He then goes flying backwards, lands near the top of a garden fence (narrowly missing going over the top of it, wrestling style) and lands arse first on the street. Everybody ran, from all directions, to see if he was OK (even I did!). He got straight back on his feet. He was a very lucky old boy.

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Whilst trying to carry a large dog cage/bed thing down the stairs when i was about 17/18 (and also jsut recovered from a torn ACL tendon in my knee), i was about half way down the stairs when my brain told me "Hey your at the bottom, just take a step out".

 

So considering i couldnt see past this bloody huge dog cage thing, i took one big step out and practically dove head first over the top of this cage and completely missed the rest of the stairs , hitting the floor at the bottom.

 

What topped it off was the cage came down about 1/2 a second later to hit me in the back of the head, and i was KO'd at the bottom of the stairs for a good 15 mins or so, before my misses came to find me.

 

Not fun in the slightest

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Bit long this.

 

Madam Tussauds in Oct this year.

 

About to jump on the bike ridden by James Dean (I think) for a pic, swung my leg over when all of a sudden the knee on my standing leg gave way twisting it leading me to fall on my arse in front of all the kids who were on half term with my horrified girlfriend looking on.

 

After 5 minutes on the floor trying to regain my composure and checking to see if my leg wasn

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Walking home from my bar job when I was about 19, it was snowing and I was all by myself. I was making snowballs and booting them, like you do. Just as I booted the last one, my legs went flying from under me and I came crashing down on the back of my head and neck area. FUCKING BATTERED!!!

 

But in the old british tradition, instead of staying down making a fuss, I just got back to my feet as quickly possible, had a quick look round to see if anyone had seen (luckily it was about 1am and no one was around) and only then would I grab the back of head and double up in pain and scream some words that I never even thought I knew.

 

I bloody hate snow!

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Back in September, my wife was working the weekend. She looks after kids and I accidentally volunteered once to help her and thus now always have to help her. We were at her boss' sister's house. They have gates and I was trying to see a terrible driver out the front gates. To see that he wouldn't crash into our car, I ran across this forecourt and didn't see the little gate post to stop the electric gates. I went flying. I tried to stay up and as a result went even more off balance, going flying over like I was doing a shoulder roll. I got up, made out like I was OK so the guy would leave and went back in the house. I grazed my arm and hands but luckily nothing else. I tried to be a big brave soldier and shake it off but I didn't.

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When I was a student at Uni, stacked it going down a flight of stairs trying to leave a girl's flat at half four in the morning. I'd spent a fair wedge of the evenings hammering back house doubles in a ropey nightclub in Bath. Anyhow, I clipped the top stair which dislocated my kneecap, and then landed plum on the same knee at the bottom, and smashed my kneecap round the back of my leg.

 

Being wrecked, I didn't realise what I'd done, and tried to walk it off. It was only when my leg collapsed and I could feel my knee pushing into my hamstring that I thought I may actually be quite seriously hurt.

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Back in sixth form I was walking to college and noticed a girl walking in front of me who I liked. Concentrating too much on her and not enough on my footwork I tripped on a raised pavement slab. Now I'm sure all of us here can relate when you've tripped up and you do everything in your power to prevent yourself falling over and in the process look even more of a tit than you already do.

 

So, there I am stumbling down the pavement doing my best to stay upright when I finally collide into a fence which my shoulder actually breaks through. At this point, the girl in front turned round to look at me, and all I could do was do a little awkward laugh and roll my eyes in a "aren't I a clumsy so-and-so" way. She paused, made absolutely no facial expression, turned back round and carried on walking.

 

:(

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Well, at least you can laugh about it now.

 

Or if you can't, well at least I can laugh about it now.

To be honest during the split second before i got hit in the head, thus KO'd, i thought : "OWWWW, that hurt....but man i bet it looked funn....."*SMACK*.

 

Looking back it must of been bad to look at as I also cracked my nose on the floor, plus it made one hell of a noise. I would of laughed if somebody else did that.

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