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Men & The Toilet Seat


Steve Justice

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I saw the thread title and figured it was a dull thread about someone's missus bending their ear for leaving the toilet seat up. A few hours later I noticed that the thread was five pages long already so I knew something out of the ordinary was going down and my curiosity got the better of me. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Fucking hell, Steve. Just what size and shape is your arse?? How the fuck can you possibly cut your arse up on a toilet seat, or find that the nine inch hole in the seat isn't wide enough to shit through? Explain yourself.

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I can imagine the cold being comforting in a 'cold side of the pillow' way but I wouldn't go there.. It must be much more uncomfortable than the seat. You're mad.

 

I wipe sat down and then stood up if I have any doubts once I've stood up. Makes sense to wipe sitting down as your cheeks are apart.

 

My workmate told me about how his mate shat in his house facing the cistern and then called his mates in to look at the stain that had been left and they were all trying to work out how it'd happened.

 

Interesting read about the 'proper' way to shit. I hope my muscles don't loosen up anytime soon.

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I've just discovered and read this entire thread whilst having a shit, so quite honestly this dump was a bit ruined by considering the ludcrious and farcical behaviour Justice and NUFC 4 Life (actually, no shocker with that last one) get up to on the throne.

 

My favourite things though, have been Woy's contributions. He's been king of this particular thread, all the while having the words "Dirt Baby" in bright letters underneath every post. Perfect.

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My mate told me that when he went to Tokyo he discovered that they have heated toilet seats in the hotels out there. He said it was horrible- as if someone else had just been on right before you.

 

Ugh, I can't stomach that. It's like doing a poo while sat on someone's lap.

 

Not quite so bad around Christmas time, mind.

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Thing is, I can imagine that having a warm toilet seat to sit on in the middle of winter at 2am when you're in desperate need of a poo could be quite beneficial. As soon as your arse hits that cold seat, every muscle in your body tenses up and that poo is going to take a lot more effort than if you had a nice, relaxing warm seat.

Edited by Gladstone Small
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My mate told me that when he went to Tokyo he discovered that they have heated toilet seats in the hotels out there. He said it was horrible- as if someone else had just been on right before you.

 

Some of the toilets in Tokyo have so many different buttons, options and settings it can actually be quicker sorting out your tactics and formation for a Champions League semi-final second leg on Football Manager, than setting up your imminent dump.

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