Paid Members Wretch Posted October 15, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 15, 2011 Eddie: Still, at least we got the duck. Richie: The duck? Eddie: Yeah. It's made out of plastic! Richie: Eddie, what in the name of Greek buggery, is the use of a plastic duck? Eddie: It floats in the bath. [Wobbles with the duck] Eddie: Hello? Richie: [Deep sigh] But why? Eddie: It's hollow. Richie: [starting to loose patience] Why the duck? Eddie: It came free with the telly. Richie: [Almost going mad] Eddie, everything came free with the telly, we were looting! Why not get a free telly with the telly? Eddie: Well, it'd sink in the bath! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Fun Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Eddie: [Exited] Hey! Richie! Look at this! [re the newspaper] Â [Richie sits next to Eddie] Â Remember that Stork margarine competition we entered! Â Richie: Yeah! Â Eddie: ... We didn't win it! Â Richie: What! Well who did? Â Eddie: Slip Digby. Â Richie: Slip Digby? The organist? Â Eddie: Well, that's not what they called him in court. Â Richie: Well what was the winning caption? Â Eddie: I like Stork Margarine because: "I've only got one leg." Â [both nod] Â Richie: Not bad. Â Eddie: Clever bastard! Â Richie: Yeah. Â Eddie: Why didn't we think of that one! Â Richie: Well, I told you we weren't going to get far with I like Stork margarine because: "I've enclosed a fiver, Mum's the word" Â Eddie: Yeah, well we never posted it, did we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Eddie Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Eddie: It wasn't me who bypassed Rumbelows every week for the last three months, saved up the eighty-six pounds twenty-three pence, and took it five doors along to Dr. O'Grady's Personal Organ Enhancement Clinic, was it? Richie: Eh, cup of tea Eddie? Or some money? Eddie: We haven't got any money, that's the problem! Richie: Hey, I know, let's have a no-talking competition! Eddie: "For a mere eighty-five pounds--" Richie: Oh God. Eddie: "For a mere eighty-five pounds, you too can have your personal organ enhanced so that it is comparable in size to that of a fully-grown mountain gorilla." Richie: Yes, and when he said "comparable in size" I didn't realise he meant "an awful lot smaller than"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ Stevie C Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 A joke that was still funny a decade after first shown: Â Vyvyan: Shut your face, traitor! [Hits Rick in the crotch with the bat] Rick: Hah! Missed both my legs!" Â Vyvyan: [Ripping up the introduction to The Good Life] NO, NO, NO, NO! WE ARE NOT WATCHING THE BLOODY GOOD LIFE! BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY! I HATE IT! IT'S SO BLOODY NICE! FELICITY "TREACLE" KENDAL, AND RICHARD "SUGAR FLAVOURED SNOT" BRIERS! WHAT DO THEY DO NOW? CHOCOLATE BLOODY BUTTON ADS, THAT'S WHAT! THEY'RE NOTHING BUT A COUPLE OF REACTIONARY STEREOTYPES, CONFIRMING THE MYTH THAT EVERYONE IN BRITAIN IS A LOVABLE MIDDLE CLASS ECCENTRIC, AND I! HATE! THEM! Mike: That's a highly articulate outburst there, Vyv. I only hope they're not watching. Rick: (shaking with rage) Well you can shut up now, Vyvyan. You can just about blummin' well shut up! Because if you've got anything horrid to say about Felicity Kendal, then you can just about blummin' well say it to me first! Vyvyan: Rick, I just did! Rick: Oh you did, did you? Well I ought to give a ruddy great punch on the bottom for what you just said! You're talking about the woman I love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpearCode Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 ''And what did you do during the war Spudgun?'' ''Nothing really I was unemployed'' ''Oh that's very convenient isn't it'' ''It was actually I just lived round the corner from the dole office'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Teedy Kay Posted October 17, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 17, 2011 Rick: "look SPG, Amazulu" Â SPG: "really!? I'm a glasweigan!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spotlightmagnet1 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Detective: Did you know that newspaper's upside down? Eddie: So are my eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpearCode Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 ''The scottish are aloud to be transvestites'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted October 17, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 17, 2011 R - "How are you alive?" Â E - "I very well might not be!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted October 17, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 17, 2011 Brandy!... Meths, Pernod, Mr Sheen, brake fluid... and Drambuie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted October 17, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 17, 2011 Detective: Did you know that newspaper's upside down? Eddie: So are my eyes. Â One of my favourite gags ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shovanist Pig Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insert_name_here Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Richie: Get the ambulance Eddie: We haven't got one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Rob Lowe Posted August 23, 2012 Paid Members Share Posted August 23, 2012 Couldnt find the officiall Bottom thread, but look!!!  Adrian Edmondson and Rik Mayall are to revive their Bottom double-act for a new BBC Two sitcom. The couple are working a series based on the 1997 live show Hooligan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philo_Vance Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Anyone listened to the Last Hurrah?. Six part story available for download, narrated by Rik Mayall. Downloaded it last night and listened to the first one, but was pissed so don't really remember. Gonna give it a go the next few days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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