Shovanist Pig Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 ''They don't call me the Hammersmith crumpet radar for nothing'' Â ''Eew, I nearly kissed you on the knob then'' Â ''Sad old git section'' Â 'Nice Trousers'' Â Richie: ''I can't think of anything else to talk about you know' Â Eddie: ''WELL NIGHT NIGHT THEN!'' Â Â Eddie: ''I don't think they were lesbians, Richie, 'cause they got off with those other blokes. Those, er, handsomer, wittier, erm... well basically those two guys who didn't have a load of toilet paper stuffed down their trousers''. Â Richie: ''Yeah, well you hardly helped, did you? Stuffing a Vimto bottle down the front of your pants and shouting "Woohoo, looking for the Eiffel Tower girls?" Â Â Eddie: ''Hey! Maybe he's not dead. Maybe he's just stunned! Why don't you give him the Kiss of Life?'' Â Richie: ''Yeah!...'' Â Richie: ''No I will NOT! You sad pervy! We've got a dead body in the house and your first idea is to sexually assault it!'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted October 14, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 14, 2011 "You've got a dart....in there!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted October 14, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 14, 2011 ''HAVE YOU GOT ANY MORE EXPLODING CARROTS?'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiamTheGreat Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 NICHOLAS BLOODY PARSONS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Foale Posted October 14, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 14, 2011 Richie: Well you'll just have to distribute your weight all at the same time. Just lower yourself softly over the entire area and it'll easily hold your weight. Eddie: Okay! Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Rob Lowe Posted October 14, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 14, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insert_name_here Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Ok brace yourselves cos this is gonna be a long one  "I don't know what happened. I made all the right moves, i winked, i smiled, it was one of my nice ones as well, sat down very nicely, leaned forward, put on my special eyes and said 'Hello big tits, looking for some action?' And what did she say?"  "Two halves of mild please" "In pint glasses" "Certainly Eddie and how are we this evening?" "Yup"  "Do you want to be skinned alive and buggered?" "I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"  "Eddie" "No, no my name is... Diedre Barlow"  "Dick, isn't it true you once had a try-out for QPR"  "IT'S SKULL CRUSHING TIME!"  "Bloody hell is that Dick Emery? I didn't know he could ride" "No, no he's not riding that's Princess Anne"  "Who's that?" "Meryl Streep" "PHWOAR hang on, why has she got three knockers" "No that's not a knocker, that's Bobby Charlton in the middle"  "Eddie you've got your jugs on backwards" "It said lifts and seperates not slings 'em round the back"  "Did you see the floats?" "No i thought i'd flushed them"  "He was Scottish you know" "Who Vivaldi?" "No Eddie i'm talking about composers, it's football, football, football with you"  "Right i'm going to count to three and then i'm going to have a ruddy good look through that key-hole"  Bloody hell and that's just quotes from Bottom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Fun Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 "Did you know that Neil Kinnock's grandparents, were homosexual martians?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted October 15, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 15, 2011 "Yeah, I have in my possession here, a very rare and extraordinarily pornographic twenty seven pound note, which may be of interest to a man in your position. Oh, well it's ah, Sylvester Stallone, fisting what looks like Mister McKennery from the Magic Round-About." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolann Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Sprouts Mexicaine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insert_name_here Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 "The whole cast of Brookside are lesbians" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted October 15, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 15, 2011 "Dough" really was outstanding, wasn't it? "fixing their buzzer," "nursey jugfest," "daffodils" etc. Â Plus the simplicity/genius of - Â Rich : "Spudgun, what's your special subject?" Spudgun : "...oh, I had it a minute ago." Rich : "Never mind. Hedgehog, what's yours?" Dave : "I'll have a pint, please." Â Â I'll cover Eng, Hist, Geog, Chem, Phys, Blg, Lat, Fr and Gym. All the brainy middle-class stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bus Surfer Posted October 15, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 15, 2011 During the swat style raid in carnival. Â Richie: Eddie, we've gotta think fast!!... Eddie: ...Well that's us knackered then. ------- Â *Riche in confused tone* "That's a model of a moon rocket, isn't it?" Â ------- Â "Curry's window's just blown, they've thrown a Nun through it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shovanist Pig Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoistVaj Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 '' Once upon a time, there was a pair of trousers.... called Dave.'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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