What Is The Biggest Lie You've Ever Been Told

[IANdrewDiceClay]

I once told a lass I was "like a baby down there". Which she consoled me about and told me it made no difference. When I took her back to mine, she looked at it and passed out. When she woke up she asked "I thought you said you were like a baby down there" And I replied I was ...

 

"8 pounds, 7 ounces~"

[fleischmark]

Quite the opposite.

 

I was 7 and the year was 1991. A kid at school says he has a video of Robocop 3 the movie. Now there was a game released, but no movie so we all called him a liar but he insisted a cousin worked on the film and managed to bag a copy.

 

After weeks of asking to see the prove, I get a VHS with Robocop 3 written on it. I take it home, tell my mum and dad and we put the tape on together

 

its bloody Robocop 3. I was stunned. I couldn't understand how I was seeing this before it was in the cinema (Studio bankruptcy i later found out). Upon reading an issue of X-Men I saw an advert for it being released in US Cinemas in 1993/4 or there abouts.

 

Never did we doubt him again.

 

PS It was just as shit then as it is now

 

At summer camp as a young lad in the late 90s we were watching tv and an advert came on for a re-release of Disneys Oliver & Company to which I innocently informed people that I loved that film and had it on VHS at home. I was instantly shot down as a liar because i couldn't possibly have this film as according to the tv the tape wasn't out for another month or two. Due to a particularly venemous young lady I was made to look like a billy bullshitter liar prick in front of everyone.

 

WELL NO YOU STUPID BITCH, ITS NOT MY FAULT YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO BUY YOU DISNEY ON ORIGINAL RELEASE.

 

Still hurts.

[BiffingtonClyro]

I used to work with a guy that claimed he was going to be one of the main stars of a new BBC sitcom. He was talking utter shite. He also smelled really bad.

[Stylin_and_Profilin]

My gran / best friend hadn't been well off and on for a while in early 2005. Docs couldn't get to the bottom of it and it pestered her for a few months. I managed to get a gig working for Disney in Florida for a few months over the summer and by the time i went to leave it was still bothering her but it was "nothing to worry about".

 

To cut a long story short she had cancer and it had slowly ate away at her during that time. With me on cloud nine counting down the days/weeks/months till my departure date she didn't want to let on to me and never said a word. I went off to America none the wiser and it ended up spreading pretty aggressively and she passed away within six weeks suddenly and unexpectedly.

 

I suppose it was more of a secret than a lie as such and it was done to protect me but i still wish i'd known as i never realised when i left that it would be the last time i would see her and it still prays on my mind each day when i think of her.

[Bus Surfer]

A boy I know once tried to wow us by declaring he had a Harley Davidson with a revolver holster (and accompanying revolver) attached to it. He would ride through the mean streets of Chepstow brandishing his piece to pick up the girls and remind the bad boys who the sheriff was. Conveniently this was kept at his aunties and we never saw it. He was 15 at the time.

 

Chin chin.

 

[Gallybagger]

Some wanker I went to school with claimed he had plastic kneecaps from dropping a sledgehammer on them. He was full of shit about nearly everything, but for some reason this one stuck with me.

 

And this other guy told me the dudley boys could do the 3d on the first smackdown game through some stupid combination, the hours wasted on that shit were ridiculous. Hindsight ftw. Much easier to target a bullshitter as a supposed grown up.

[King Pitcos]

I knew a girl who had various "I've been raped/beaten up" stories, but the worst one was when she tried to get me to talk to her by saying she had a month to live.

[Astro Hollywood]

Some old workmate when I was 18 tried to impress me with various tales of his exploits as a football hooligan when he was younger, exploits I later recognised as scenes from terrible hooligan film I.D, on a video which he had lent me.

[andrew "the ref" coyne]

I knew a girl who had various "I've been raped/beaten up" stories, but the worst one was when she tried to get me to talk to her by saying she had a month to live.

 

Ah! You just reminded me of a particularly nasty piece of work from uni.

 

Essentially she was going out with one of my uni housemates, and at some point their was a "sexual misunderstanding" on the night of my birthday. Basically he wanted sex, she didn't, he tried to come on a bit harder, she told him to fuck off, and they went to sleep.

 

The thing is, is that this was the version they both (separately) told me the day after when I realised they were in a mood with one another. It very quickly got resolved, and they are fucking like rabbits by lunch time.

 

Anway, several months later they split up. Obviously she forgot that she told me the original side of her story and now shes exaggerated this story into one which involved him raping her.

 

Now I appreciate the fact that "maybe" now she was telling the truth, but the thing is that she has accused EVERY. SINGLE. EX BOYFRIEND of some kind of sexual abuse or rape. She even started going back out with one guy who "apparently" got stoned and raped her.

 

In addition the ability to trust her is zero. She really was the opitimy of the boy who cried wolf. When she started falling out with our social group, she told people that I was stalking her (I was actually just trying to find out if she was okay after no showing several arranged social gatherings) and that their was a conspiracy to silence her by my Christian union.

 

For the best part of two years (until she left the area) I had to constantly back my friend up because somehow this false accusation of rape would come up time and time again. Poor guy. Hes the loveliest bloke in the world and to get tarred with that brush is a horrible thing.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

In fact just reminded me of another story. I was also accused of raping someone.... but the minute the girl made this claim.... all my mates look around confused before saying "but he was in holiday at the time." She swiftly got shown the door.

 

Thankfully that was nipped in the bud right at the source!

[NEWM]

Our school liar was a treat. He once told a story of the time he was having a threesome at a drugged up house party, which nearly went tits up when the police showed up. Luckily the police had brought dildos so they got involved.

 

Then there was another time he was shagging a model in a field, but it turns out the model had a pretty dangerous ex. This ex was loaded though, so he flew his helicopter over the field and started shooting at him with a sniper rifle. Luckily he managed to dodge and outrun the bullets and the helicopter respectively. Not sure what came of the model.

 

I should point out this was the fattest kid in our year, but he only came to our school in Year 10, so all this other stuff obviously happened with his mates from his old school.

 

Okay, one more. He said the makers of Street Fighter based Zangief on his Dad.

[Chris B]

I've been the recipient of the 'I'm dying' story before. I was at uni, and she told me that she was dying. If she was, it's very slowly, because I last saw her twelve years later, and she'd miraculously recovered. Total fantasist, who also tried to convince me that she'd been responsible for an addict friend of hers who had an overdose (who, obviously, didn't exist).

 

In my defense, I was 18 and she was spectacular in bed. But the rest of the time, she balanced 'psycho' with 'lovely'. Very strange girl.

[WU LYF 4 LYF]

If we're talking birds, the 'raped by my Uncle' story is a personal highlight, I've heard it three times already and I'm only 22 and can barely hold a relationship longer than three weeks. In a couple of cases there were supposedly parents with cancer as well. The first time I was just perturbed that she was telling me these things on the second date, by the time I heard it the second time it was all I could do to suppress a smile, and I actually chuckled the third time I was regaled with the sexual-abuse-via-Uncle yarn. She started crying.

[matbro1984]

You'll have a hard time topping this cunt.

 

Unfortunately for me, we lived in the same hall of residence and share the same name but spelled differently. So when people inevitably came looking for him as a consequence of his constant lies, the inept receptionists would often send the bailiffs/heavies to me by mistake. Narrowly escaped a bona fide kicking by some Irish burlies seeking payment for a giant bar tab - a Christmas party for the entire hall of residence which the stupid sod laid on at a pub 30 seconds down the street, with zero intention of ever paying.

 

He also received some minor press coverage over his intention to purchase the flat of bankrupt Holocaust-denier David Irving. Presumably a purchase he wanted to make with monopoly money.

[fleischmark]

You'll have a hard time topping this cunt.

 

Unfortunately for me, we lived in the same hall of residence and share the same name but spelled differently. So when people inevitably came looking for him as a consequence of his constant lies, the inept receptionists would often send the bailiffs/heavies to me by mistake. Narrowly escaped a bona fide kicking by some Irish burlies seeking payment for a giant bar tab - a Christmas party for the entire hall of residence which the stupid sod laid on at a pub 30 seconds down the street, with zero intention of ever paying.

 

He also received some minor press coverage over his intention to purchase the flat of bankrupt Holocaust-denier David Irving. Presumably a purchase he wanted to make with monopoly money.

 

Cunt? The guy ripped off credit card companies. Absolute Hero.

[andrew "the ref" coyne]

You'll have a hard time topping this cunt.

 

Unfortunately for me, we lived in the same hall of residence and share the same name but spelled differently. So when people inevitably came looking for him as a consequence of his constant lies, the inept receptionists would often send the bailiffs/heavies to me by mistake. Narrowly escaped a bona fide kicking by some Irish burlies seeking payment for a giant bar tab - a Christmas party for the entire hall of residence which the stupid sod laid on at a pub 30 seconds down the street, with zero intention of ever paying.

 

He also received some minor press coverage over his intention to purchase the flat of bankrupt Holocaust-denier David Irving. Presumably a purchase he wanted to make with monopoly money.

 

I love the bit where it says he was addicted to champagne. I just wanted to know if he would still get the shakes if you switch his beverage to Cava.

 

Yeah bad story man. Sadly uni can attract selfish money guzzling arses. The number of gits who owe me money from uni is fairly numerous.