Paid Members tiger_rick Posted September 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 28, 2011 Being stuck in the bath for 2 hours and unable to pull myself out was particularly fun  How does this happen? Winkle jammed up the tap? Lad at our school had this happen to him, his back went while he was in the bath and he had to scream for his Mum to help. By the time the story had gone round the school a few times, it was embelished to him having cuffed his feet to the taps while wanking and having had to call his Mum because he dropped the key. He became known as "Taps". He was pretty mild mannered but after months of it he snapped in the corridor and punched some kid so hard he flew through the door and over a desk. Joke pretty much died off there and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted September 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 28, 2011 (edited) Being stuck in the bath for 2 hours and unable to pull myself out was particularly fun  How does this happen? Winkle jammed up the tap? Lad at our school had this happen to him, his back went while he was in the bath and he had to scream for his Mum to help. By the time the story had gone round the school a few times, it was embelished to him having cuffed his feet to the taps while wanking and having had to call his Mum because he dropped the key. He became known as "Taps". He was pretty mild mannered but after months of it he snapped in the corridor and punched some kid so hard he flew through the door and over a desk. Joke pretty much died off there and then.  There was a story that did the rounds at our school that was probably made-up about a lad who was in design class one day idly playing around with a vice while listening to the teacher without realising where his knackers were.  Cue alleged screaming and lots of blood, but surely you would stop winding when you felt the pressure? Edited September 28, 2011 by Gladstone Small Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members DJ Kris Posted September 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 28, 2011 Being stuck in the bath for 2 hours and unable to pull myself out was particularly fun  How does this happen? Winkle jammed up the tap? Lad at our school had this happen to him, his back went while he was in the bath and he had to scream for his Mum to help. By the time the story had gone round the school a few times, it was embelished to him having cuffed his feet to the taps while wanking and having had to call his Mum because he dropped the key. He became known as "Taps". He was pretty mild mannered but after months of it he snapped in the corridor and punched some kid so hard he flew through the door and over a desk. Joke pretty much died off there and then. A few years back a read a story in a paper about a boy that drowned in the bath doing what IIRC the paper described as a sex game, certainly it made clear he was up to something. I always wondered what the hell he could have been doing to result in drowning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Maestro Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 My life has been a catalogue of low points and embarrasing events, almost too many to even count. Just off the top of my head I've... Â - Been caught having a wank. By gran. - Been caught fingering an ex by her little sister. - Treat a girl like shit whilst using her as cash machine/blowjob dispenser. - Thrown a cactus into someone's face from a moving vehicle. - Had a wank in a jail cell. Twice. - Had a wank behind the counter of a shop I used to work in and jizzed on the floor. I used box set of Charmed as material. To be fair, it was a quiet shop. and there weren't much else to do. - Had a shit in a urinal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted September 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 28, 2011 While I still won't get the results back from the lab for a few days, just the very act of posting off my piss today ranks pretty highly on my personal list of low points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted September 28, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 28, 2011 While I still won't get the results back from the lab for a few days, just the very act of posting off my piss today ranks pretty highly on my personal list of low points. Â At least you're not a shit poster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted October 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 1, 2011 (self-indulgent bump)Gonorrhoea it is! I wouldn't have disclosed this if I had designs of sleeping with any other members of the forum, but thankfully I have no desire to do so. Nearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted October 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 1, 2011 Did an Indian not poke your Jap-eye with a wooden rod? He did that to me when I had myself checked out. Grapped it like he was about to do open mic and didnt give me a word of warning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Registration_Form Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Oh the swob thiing is horrible. Having just had the blood test and being generally shit scared of needles the fear had shrunk my penis to about a third of it's size (so only 6 inches eh ladz! ftw) so it was even more uncomfortable. I don't think it's at all offensive and lacking in perspective to say it is an emotional equivalent of being raped. I almost couldn't finish my naughty nurse fantasy wank when I got home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleischmark Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 - Had a wank in a jail cell. Twice. Done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted October 2, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) Don't worry about the being pretentious thing though. I get called pretentious a lot, and I'm not, I'm just really fucking clever.I'm might sound a dick here, and its not intended, but there is world of difference between an intelligent man and a pretentious man. Also for what it is worth an intelligent man is to be respected, a pretentious man is not. I'm not saying you are or are not either, I don't really know you, I just thought I'd share.I may have missed a joke here, which isn't unlikely as I'm sadly not an intelligent man.My life has been a catalogue of low points and embarrasing events, almost too many to even count. Just off the top of my head I've...- Been caught fingering an ex by her little sister.How old was her sister? Edited October 2, 2011 by Tommy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Duke Posted October 2, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 2, 2011 Don't worry about the being pretentious thing though. I get called pretentious a lot, and I'm not, I'm just really fucking clever.I'm might sound a dick here, and its not intended, but there is world of difference between an intelligent man and a pretentious man. Also for what it is worth an intelligent man is to be respected, a pretentious man is not. I'm not saying you are or are not either, I don't really know you, I just thought I'd share.I may have missed a joke here, which isn't unlikely as I'm sadly not an intelligent man. you are absolutely not wrong. I was mostly joking to be honest, although it's amazing how many people confuse the two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members wandshogun09 Posted October 2, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 2, 2011 My life has been a catalogue of low points and embarrasing events, almost too many to even count. Just off the top of my head I've...- Thrown a cactus into someone's face from a moving vehicle. how the fuck did that come about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Duke Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 Went to the gym for the first time in about a year today. Threw up after 10 minutes. Depressing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Dammer Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Oh the swob thiing is horrible. Having just had the blood test and being generally shit scared of needles the fear had shrunk my penis to about a third of it's size (so only 6 inches eh ladz! ftw) so it was even more uncomfortable. I don't think it's at all offensive and lacking in perspective to say it is an emotional equivalent of being raped. I almost couldn't finish my naughty nurse fantasy wank when I got home.Whats witht eh swab being jammed up your dickie bird? surely there are other, less awful, ways of taking the samples they need?Went to the gym for the first time in about a year today. Threw up after 10 minutes. Depressing.I can top that, went to the gym about 6 months ago now for the first ever time, ended up collapsing the same night and was written off work as I was dizzy and weak for about a week afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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