Wendell Cooley Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 You can imagine how the Paul Wight naming session went in WWE HQ: Â Vince: So, faggots, we've got this big motherfucker from that wrasslin' thing that Bischoff does... Â Writer A: WCW? Â Vince: Whatever the fuck it's called! I don't give a flying fuck, and you interrupted me so bark like dog. Â Writer A: excuse me? Â Vince: You heard me, pissant! Bark! Bark! Bark, damnit! Â Writer A: woof. Â Vince: louder! Â Writer A: WOOF WOOF WOOF! Â Vince: hahaha! That's it! Don't forget I own you. Now, back to business, gentlemen - what do we call this big bastard? Come on, I pay you for this shit, give me a fucking name or I fire you all right now and replace you with monkeys... Â Writer B: like Ron Simmons? Â Vince: Ha! You got some set of balls, kid - I love it. These other morons could use your moxy. So, spotlight's on you - gimme a name, make me a star. Â Writer B: Well, I figured he's big, right, so we should work that angle and combine his natural physique with an a suitably resonant suffix... Â Vince: Can that harvard bullshit, egghead, I'm not paying you to think - give me something I can use or you'll be back in your mommy's basement before you can say 'internet' Â Writer B: uhm, how about the Big Destroyer? Â Vince: No, no - don't give me that carny crap! We're the WWE, damnit! We're the only show in town... Wait! Wait! That's it - the Big...SHOW! Damnit I can right this shit myself, why do I pay you idiots, anyway? Now get out of here, we've got a BIG SHOW starting in ten fucking minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted June 30, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 30, 2011 It's funny how some guys get on TV with absurd names like Lucky Cannon, yet others get through with the most boring, ordinary names like Alex Riley. Â Christian is a shit name for a wrestler. You can't be a wrestler with just a boring christian name (no pun intended) as your stage name. I thought that 'Christian Cage' in TNA was infinitely better. Sheamus just about gets away with it because it's unusual and Irish as fuck, so it works with his character. Â Weirdly, single christian names seem to work fine for women wrestlers though- Melina, Eve, Natalya, Tamina, Kaitlyn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendell Cooley Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Aside from the fact that none of them have any ability and the company make it apparent that they're just there for the universe's collective wank bank, a reason the divas don't get over is their meaningless one-word christian name names. Yes, it worked for Chyna, Lita and Sunny, but they also had discernable characters. If Vince is intent on just hiring ropey ex-underwear models, at least make a bit of an effort with their names so the universe knows what to make of them - Melina The Cunt or whatever, give us a hint as to their kayfabe motivations, FFS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyNameIs... Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 One that bothers me is Samoa Joe  The name itself is uninspired but ok i suppose.During his intro pisses me off though.  "From the isle of Samoa, the Samoan submission machine, Samoa Joe!!!"  It's a little thing but i find it quite irritating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Eddie Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 NXT is just rammed with wank names. It's like the writers (or toddlers) who put NXT together have a running bet as to who can get the shittest name on to the actual show. Â Dolph Ziggler is utterly stupid. They should have addressed this by now, but it's probably too late. Â Daniel Bryan is bland as shit, but that's probably their intention. He's crying out for a descent nickname. Â I too hated Michael McGuillicutty the first time I heard it. It's like they just decided he was too shit to be named after his awesome father. Great work showing faith in the bloke. I thought he was alright when he kept winning with that tasty swinging cuter move he used on NXT. then he started talking and it all went wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarTheSlouch Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Was watching an old UWF show yday and there was a guy called Sandy Beach! On the plus side Sid was billed as Malicious Sid Vicious which is kinda cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted June 30, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 30, 2011 Elix Skipper  I always thought CM Punk was a crap name, but he's transcended it, to be fair.  Danny Doring  Kid Kash  Bart Gunn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vito Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Sam Slam  He might as well have called himself Corporal Punishment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted June 30, 2011 Moderators Share Posted June 30, 2011 Was watching an old UWF show yday and there was a guy called Sandy Beach! Â Sunny Beach and WILD THING STEVE RAY, the team of Wet N Wild! Â Shittest name that comes to my mind is Chris Daniels. It's too generic. Sounds like a bloke you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members WWFChilli Posted June 30, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 30, 2011 Was watching an old UWF show yday and there was a guy called Sandy Beach! Â Sunny Beach and WILD THING STEVE RAY, the team of Wet N Wild! Â Shittest name that comes to my mind is Chris Daniels. It's too generic. Sounds like a bloke you know. Â WET N WILD... fuck me I loved UWF, Herb Abrams should have canned that coke, he would have been locked up though probably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted July 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2011 Every wrestler in Britain right now. Â Come on, man. You KNOW that's not true. Â Leroy Kincaid sounds ordinary, but cool. "The Bombay Dream" RJ Singh speaks everything about the gimmick. Zack Sabre, Jr. sounds funky and unusual. Dave Mastiff makes him sound like a hard and tough bastard. Terry Frazier's like Leroy Kincaid - ordinary-sounding but cool at the same time. Bubblegum sounds really silly, but also is a break from the usual "I'm tough/hard/dynamic/whatever" - sounds all pop-culture. "The Real Man's Man" Julez Lambrini becomes even funnier when you realise it's a gay gimmick. Â Yeah, there've been some downright silly or rubbish ones, like Sam Slam, Rage N' Storm (tag-team), which is very indy, Charlie Rage, Leon X, Robbie X, etc., and no disrespect to any of these guys (except Leon X, who was absolute rubbish), but you can't claim every single name on the UK scene is rubbish. There are hundreds of guys out there, and whilst the capabilities may vary, sometimes they'll hit something good with the right name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Green Posted July 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2011 I always wondered why they didn't call Big Show "The Great Wight" or something. It's a pun that needs to be made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted July 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2011 I always wondered why they didn't call Big Show "The Great Wight" or something. It's a pun that needs to be made. They did it for that Memphis match he had with Hogan (or was it Lawler?). He was billed as Paul "The Great" Wight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members CleetusVanDamme Posted July 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2011 You should KNOW not to take me that seriously by now, Carbomb. Â Â There are some rare gems like Johnny Moss, SJK, Hard Andy, or a Kongo Kev, but there is a ridiculous amount of awful ones that outweigh them. On seemingly every British card, even the better ones, there's always names that make me feel sorry for the wrestler, even though it was probably them that chose it. Â Â I'm not sure how anyone could say their name is "Val Kabious" and manage to keep a straight face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members martyngnr Posted July 1, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted July 1, 2011 You should KNOW not to take me that seriously by now, Carbomb.  There are some rare gems like Johnny Moss, SJK, Hard Andy, or a Kongo Kev, I knew it was only a matter of time before you mentioned him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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