PSF Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Back in 2005, me, my then Wife and her friend were in Coyotee Wild Nightclub in Mansfield. On the dancefloor and we see Bodger from Bodger and Badger and the fella was off his tits! He looked as rough as his badgers arse. Â We thought it would be a laugh to try and blag a few drinks out of him, so in our wisdom we started having a chat on asked him if he's be up for coming back to ours for a foursome, thinking it would freak him out and he'd fuck off. It didn't freak him out! The skeletor look-a-like was well up for it. Anyways we managed to get him a to buy a couple of bottles of bubbly, before he went to the toilet and we did a runner. Â TBH if he had the badger with him, we probably would have hung around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 If the badger sucks him off, is that still masturbation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dean Ayass Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 So, can we expect tales of date rape in this thread, or has that ship since sailed? Â Anyhoo, heard this one down the pub from a bloke whose mate is a local copper. There are some public toilets in Hove where a middle aged shabby-looking man was seen on a regular basis. He would enter the toilets in the evening with a French stick in his bag and exit without it, spending about 20-30 minutes in there. In the end, this copper decided to follow him in after leaving it for five minutes or so to see exactly what this bloke was doing. Â It turned out that he was breaking off pieces of the French stick, wiping them around the urinals, and then eating them. Seeing as he was doing nothing illegal, the police were powerless to stop him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSF Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 So, can we expect tales of date rape in this thread, or has that ship since sailed? Anyhoo, heard this one down the pub from a bloke whose mate is a local copper. There are some public toilets in Hove where a middle aged shabby-looking man was seen on a regular basis. He would enter the toilets in the evening with a French stick in his bag and exit without it, spending about 20-30 minutes in there. In the end, this copper decided to follow him in after leaving it for five minutes or so to see exactly what this bloke was doing.  It turned out that he was breaking off pieces of the French stick, wiping them around the urinals, and then eating them. Seeing as he was doing nothing illegal, the police were powerless to stop him.  I honestly wish I had never read that. Completely messed up my lunch break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted June 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 21, 2011 Once in a pub in Rural Ireland. It was after closing time. Well after closing time. Â Of course the pub, which was opposite the garda (police) station was discreet. What with the lights on. Â And it being full of people. Â And the curtains open. Â And the band playing. Â One night, there was a full-on raid. Ten gardai (sp?) came in, ready to arrest everyone in sight. The landlord was going to face charges, and everyone else would be drunk/disorderly or forced to be witnesses. Plus which, quite a few of people in there were underage. Â The gards walked in. They literally crossed the threshold, and before they were able to say a word, the band went STRAIGHT into the national anthem. Â Now, the gards knew that they couldn't arrest people while the national anthem was playing. They'd get crucified for it in the local press. So instead, they had to stand there, heart on hand with everyone else, singing the national anthem. Â One person quietly went to the toilets, nipped out the window and legged it. Â Twenty-seven verses later, the pub was empty, and the landlord had closed up. The band finally finished playing, just to be told they were bastards by the gards, who left empty handed. Â Â I expect it's probably slightly embellished, but I want that story to be completely true more than anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 It turned out that he was breaking off pieces of the French stick, wiping them around the urinals, and then eating them. Seeing as he was doing nothing illegal, the police were powerless to stop him. They didn't think to send him to a doctor? On mental health grounds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted June 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 21, 2011 That bread story is rancid. Somehow it being a french stick makes it much worse than a loaf of bread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted June 21, 2011 Moderators Share Posted June 21, 2011 I've got a super strong stomach, but I'm fighting off the dry boke right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerously420 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Subway bowl cleaner. Eat Fresh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted June 22, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 22, 2011 Once in a pub in Rural Ireland. It was after closing time. Well after closing time. Of course the pub, which was opposite the garda (police) station was discreet. What with the lights on.  And it being full of people.  And the curtains open.  And the band playing.  One night, there was a full-on raid. Ten gardai (sp?) came in, ready to arrest everyone in sight. The landlord was going to face charges, and everyone else would be drunk/disorderly or forced to be witnesses. Plus which, quite a few of people in there were underage.  The gards walked in. They literally crossed the threshold, and before they were able to say a word, the band went STRAIGHT into the national anthem.  Now, the gards knew that they couldn't arrest people while the national anthem was playing. They'd get crucified for it in the local press. So instead, they had to stand there, heart on hand with everyone else, singing the national anthem.  One person quietly went to the toilets, nipped out the window and legged it.  Twenty-seven verses later, the pub was empty, and the landlord had closed up. The band finally finished playing, just to be told they were bastards by the gards, who left empty handed.   I expect it's probably slightly embellished, but I want that story to be completely true more than anything else.  I'm certain it was this story which I seen referenced on an episode of The Panel on my last trip home. Cracking story, true or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidkris Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 got too honestly say hand on heart this is the funniest thread on this forum in fucking months  all apart from the french bread story were hilarious as a nation we may all be fucked but with stories like this you can't help but smile :):) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane O' Mac Version 2 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I got beaten up by a naked guy on the booze bus heading home from the pub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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