Paid Members WWFChilli Posted April 18, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 18, 2011 Oh yes, I almost forgot. The Only Way Is Essex. Fucking abysmal.  Gives me an excuse to post this  I watched The Only Way is Essex (ITV2, Sky 118, Sunday 22:00) this week. Wow, just, like wow; the show follows the lives of several airheads and morons and there ‘glamorous’ lives in Essex. Created by ITV2 to be the UK version of the Jersey Shore, the title of the show confuses me. What is Essex the only way for? I bet it was because ITV2 didn’t have the bollocks to actually call the show ‘Tits and Mongs’ and had to go with something more flashy, the big wussies.  The show features a coven of arseholes; leader of the pack is lead man Mark Wright, a nightclub promoter who looks like he’s permanently trapped in widescreen and can’t decide whether he’s a dick or a prat. The show features other characters/targets including Amy (playing Jordan in a low budget TV movie), Arg (Rodney from Only Fools and Horses played by a more aesthetic David Milliband), Sam (voice of a shot putter), Chloe (the creature from the Black Lagoon), Lydia (stupidity in skin) and her mother (played by Dee Snider, Google it!)  The show seems to consist of nothing ever really happening. You’d think I’m saying that because I wasn’t sold on the show, but nothing really does happen. Here’s what I noted took place in the episode I viewed last week. ‘Two guys ran in a park, they acted very badly and everything they said had no fluidity. Like John Merrick doing Shakespeare. Then Amy, her ghastly cousin and her apprentice had a conversation, it was like viewing a battle of wits between a stump, a chair and a prick.’  ‘Some tit called Joey got a spray tan (this was a major moment in the show), the creature from the Black Lagoon had a date with Kirk (a young Pete Townshend after being smashed with an Iron) and Lauren (permanently in a state of near tears) cooking a meal for Mark and his family. She can’t cook of course. The Dinner Party takes place, it’s painfully awkward viewing. You feel like you’ve walked into the room by mistake but you can’t leave because you can’t fathom the stupidity of these people. The episode ended with them all attending some sort of party and Sam (guest played this week by Fatima Whitbread) trying to make Mark jealous by chatting up Joey the spray tanned foetus.’  It’s a complete mindfuck of a show. Everything in it is completely staged but according to the show producers features situations based on ‘real’ events, portrayed by ‘real’ people. It’s a re-enactment of reality and a reality re-enactment at the same time. It’s probably what makes the show so mind bogglingly compelling. Yes, this writer, this hypocritical bastard found it enjoyable, it’s brilliant ‘so bad it’s good’ TV, just because on the whole when you watch it and compile the points, Essex is a bloody boring place, You’d have more fun urinating the remnants of a Vajazzle (glitter gets everywhere you know lads). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
y2j chris jones Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Don't Forget The Lyrics is one for me, absolutely awful stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 that twat krik from the only way is essex is making a appearance at one of the night clubs down here wondering if i go down there beat him down. Will itv give me my own realty tv show where i go round beating up z list celebrities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KFR42 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 My only issue with TV Burp is that Harry Hill is much, much better than what he's allowed to do on the show. His Channel 4 series was pure gold, and his old Radio show Fruit Corner was a blast. He feels kind of wasted on TV Burp. Â Hill is brilliant. Easily the best thing on ITV (including ITV2 and 3), but thats not saying much. His channel 4 show was even better. I'm kind of glad he is somewhat kept on a leash though as he sometimes can go so far towards the surreal that he stops being funny (as is often the case with his Youtube show). But TV burp is spot on, it has no place in this thread. Â As for my nominations I would second anything about Jordan, Peter Andre or Kerry Katona. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Maestro Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 My missus has just flicked onto the worst television show I've ever witnessed. It's called "The Virgin Diaries" and it's on MTV. If you like fat, common and thick birds from the nearest council estate, then this is the show for you. A show that's proves that sterilisation is a great idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Miz Posted April 21, 2011 Author Share Posted April 21, 2011 Wow ofcourse Jeremy Kyle. I had blocked that out of my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnum Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 My Super Sweet 16. I think Charlie Brooker called it something like 'the best recruitment film Al-Qaeda ever made', and he's not wrong. Â Basically a show about some despicable spoiled cunt of a brat getting a lavish party thrown by their idiot parents, getting fawned over by a battalion friends and relatives for the brilliant achievement of turning 16, and being presented with a flash car at the end of it all. Highlights of the ones I've seen included one girl throwing a fit at her mother because she was presented with her new car during the day rather than in front of all her 'friends' at the party, and another throwing a tantrum because the car she got only cost 30 grand rather than 40. The children this show features richly deserve to star in a 'parent swap' programme with the Fritzls. Â It could probably be saved with the inclusion of a Come Dine with Me narrator ripping the piss out of everyone and everything in the show, but it's just devoid of irony and any satisfying conclusion, like a terrorist attack on the party or the 16-year old driving off a cliff in their shiny new car. Like other awful Americanised shite like proms, it seems like this crap has spawned a British version. The clip I saw showed some floppy-haired nugget actually 'auditioning' friends at school to see why they deserved an invite to his party. If there's any hope at all for the next generation of British teenagers, he surely got a kicking the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members WWFChilli Posted April 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 21, 2011 Bottle Boys (circa 1984)... woeful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted April 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 21, 2011 Life Of Riley. What an utter piece of shit. They even murder a great song for the theme tune. Caroline Quentin must have been on crack when she signed up for it and the BBC were stupid to make it and utterly fucking spastic to commission a second and then third series. Â At it's absolute worst, My Family looks as good as Fargo next to this sack of shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members WWFChilli Posted April 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 21, 2011 what was that sitcom on BBC1 Jasper Carrott died on his arse doing a few years back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spurs 4 life Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 TNA Impact for reasons said a million times. Â Ghost Whisperer. My girlfriend loves this and apart from Jennifer Love Hewitt's amazing tits its awful. Â Pretty much every sitcom/comedy show i've ever seen on BBC3. Â Dancing on Ice annoys the hell out of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted April 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 21, 2011 what was that sitcom on BBC1 Jasper Carrott died on his arse doing a few years back? It had a kid in a wheel chair with a Stephen Hawking box and half the family were Asian. Some of it was alright, some was dire. Can't think what it was called. Â Wiki says All About Me - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Bottle Boys (circa 1984)... woeful ~~~ASKWITH~~~ Â Up The Elephant and Round The Castle, A Jim Davidson vehicle, was on about the same time and that was shit as well. So is everything ever done by Carla fucking Lane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted April 21, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 21, 2011 Bottle Boys (circa 1984)... woeful ~~~ASKWITH~~~ Â Up The Elephant and Round The Castle, A Jim Davidson vehicle, was on about the same time and that was shit as well. So is everything ever done by Carla fucking Lane. Â Up The Elephant and Round The Castle was no Home James, was it? Â And yes, Carla Lane. I'd love someone to try and point out exactly what was funny about anything she wrote, ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 And they can't be a Liverpudlian either. They don't count. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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