The Second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: THE COUNTDOWN

[Up Chuck]

...here's some more Nearlytwats...

 

...Lenny Henry...

 

I'll take credit for this one. I wanted to post my rant here, because I remember being quite proud of it, but it doesn't seem to be in my "Sent" folder

[seph]

I'm miffed Kesha didn't make the cut, that voice (even without the tuning) makes me want to carve heads off with a butter knife.

Edited March 23, 2011 by seph

[HarmonicGenerator]

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

6

Wayne Rooney

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

 

What's he famous for?

Football.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

TUFCfan, who ranked Rooney at #1, introduces your views and reasons for including Wayne so highly: "King of the chavs. His poor form during the World Cup, as well as most of the last year, turned out to be less annoying than his off-the-field antics." patfdb, who ranked him at #1, calls him a "perennial cheat and general cunt of the highest order. Crowning moments include abusing his own fans when playing for his country and a contract dispute that marks him up as being a grade 1 arsehole." Nexus agrees, and is of the opinion that Rooney is "the second biggest cunt in the world [Nexus ranked Rooney at #2]. He was, once, a good footballer. However, his off the field antics... made me dislike him. Then came the decline of his quality as a footballer. He has the positional discipline of a sponge, the bad attitude of a cunt, and generally is quite shit. Of course, the fact he's English means that the media still loves him, BUT HE'S SHIT. The final straw came when he held Man Utd to ransom, and then didn't leave, and then decided to turn in the worst performances of his career directly after his massive pay rise. Fuck you."

 

Final thoughts go to El Nicko Loco, who also ranked him at #1, and claims, "his tantrums and outbursts at the tail end of 2010... are reprehensible... Even on his worst day he's not a terrible footballer, but overall the performances of the last 12 months haven't come anywhere near close to justifying his frankly obscene and detestable income. One pretty tasty overhead kick goal isn't enough." Nicko goes on, explaining that in his opinion, Rooney is "an ugly cunt on the outside with an even more grotesque personality on the inside. I find it absolutely deplorable that an insufferable cockroach such as this actually represents our nation on an international stage. He is one of the main reasons why I actually detest my own national team. Fuck you, Wayne Rooney. You money grabbing, overpaid, ugly, cuntish piece of shit. Absolute scum."

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Wayne Rooney is worse than...

England's performance in the World Cup. ZING!

Edited March 23, 2011 by HarmonicGenerator

[Fatty Facesitter]

Amen!

[HarmonicGenerator]

The Top 5 begins.

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

5

Cheryl Cole

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

 

What's she famous for?

Music and being The Nation's Sweetheart.

 

And you think she's a twat because...

It's that old word 'ubiquity' again, isn't it? No getting away from Cheryl Cole these days. "She

[Shit Poster]

I don't mind Cheryl Cole it's probably because I find her very attractive though and I don't watch X factor so she doesn't get on my T.V a lot.

 

Rave your little rant about Mysterio had me proper laughing as well. Comedy is always at its funniest when there is a scenario that you have to make up. I have not got a clue what you look like but I just have a picture of a man with scruffy medium length hair and stubble on his face throwing his Top Man shoe at the T.V while Rey is stinking it up

[Dead Mike]

Number 5!?!? I thought the vile cow would've scored higher than that. Jordan's a given but I can't think who the other may be? Tbf I can't remember who else I nominated. You've used a fair few of my quotes though so ta for that.

[CAREBEAR LUVVA]

I wish it was a "CUNTDOWN" instead of a "countdown" in the thread title.

[Rave]

I don't mind Cheryl Cole it's probably because I find her very attractive though and I don't watch X factor so she doesn't get on my T.V a lot.

 

Rave your little rant about Mysterio had me proper laughing as well. Comedy is always at its funniest when there is a scenario that you have to make up. I have not got a clue what you look like but I just have a picture of a man with scruffy medium length hair and stubble on his face throwing his Top Man shoe at the T.V while Rey is stinking it up

 

Ha ha. You almost got it right, I do own topman shoes and I do have the stubble, but I have short tidy hair, I only wish I could grow it but natural curls put an end to that.

 

Honestly though, i hate Rey Mysterio with a passion. I would have put him higher on my list but I wanted to try and stay away from the wrestling related hatred, there is a time and place for that.

[matbro1984]

My full rant was pruned but continued as follows: "Does nobody remember she's a racist who beats up loo attendants in clubs? She's a gutter peasant with above average looks but not above average singing talent."

 

I am very, very pleased she made the top 5.

 

Jordan and James Corden must surely be 2 of the remainders

Edited March 24, 2011 by matbro1984

[HarmonicGenerator]

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

4

Justin Bieber

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

 

What's he famous for?

Creation and dispersal of the deadly virus known as Bieber Fever.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

It appears that there are not many Beliebers on the UKFF. "It would be easy to admit that hatred for young Bieber is down to jealousy," says Kay Burley Upskirt Formerly Surf Digby, who ranked Bieber at #3. "Someone so young, so talented, enjoying the fruits of his labour. But he's not. He's an incredibly average singer, who enjoyed a privileged upbringing, before being launched on YouTube with a worked backstory... It doesn't end there, though... he's adopted the... attitudes [of] referring to himself as a 'player', and expressing his belief that rape 'happens for a reason' [NB: having googled this, it does seem that Bieber may have really said this in an interview with Rolling Stone. Hopefully he didn't mean it in the sense of 'people deserve it'...]. Listening to his debut album, in which the (then 15 year old) child sings songs where he's pushing for a girl to surrender her virginity to him leaves a sour taste in the mouth. Another case of someone with money thinking they have a value to society, with an ego completely unjustified."

 

LariatTom, who also ranked Bieber at #3, admits that "until a few months ago, I didn't even know what a Bieber was... Now I'm vaguely aware of what he is, I dislike him. No child should be that popular... Oh, and his haircut is shit." Seph, who ranked him at #4, ticks items off a checklist in his rant: "Ubiquity? Check. Annoying pre-pubescent voice lasting well beyond bollock-dropping? Check. Utterly retarded opinion about a contentious issue...? Check. Emo hair cut? Check. Autobiography well before you've actually achieved anything with staying power? Check." Meanwhile, The Natural indicates that ubiquity rears its head once more in the case against Bieber, calling him a "pint sized tosser who

Edited March 24, 2011 by HarmonicGenerator

[Frankie Crisp]

I wasn't aware of who or what a Justin Bieber was until a couple of weeks ago, when I was in town and he had some concert on. It took me 45 fucking minutes to drive 200 yards down the road, because pre-pubescent girls and weird late-teens swarmed towards the arena in shit purple t-shirts, walking across an always busy 4 lane road in Liverpool City Centre, ignoring every car and traffic light. I must've seen at least 30 of them nearly get knocked over, only to berate the drivers as if they were the ones who were causing the congestion.

 

For that reason, I am happy to see Justin Bieber this high up as a representative of the twats who make up his fan base.

 

Pricks.

Edited March 24, 2011 by Waterboy

[Dead Mike]

The story I was told...

 

Baa, baa, black sheep,

Have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir,

Three bags full.

One for the master,

One for the dame,

And one for the little boy

Who lives down the lane

Edited March 24, 2011 by neil
political correctness gone mad

[LariatTom]

I wasn't aware of who or what a Justin Bieber was until a couple of weeks ago, when I was in town and he had some concert on. It took me 45 fucking minutes to drive 200 yards down the road, because pre-pubescent girls and weird late-teens swarmed towards the arena in shit purple t-shirts, walking across an always busy 4 lane road in Liverpool City Centre, ignoring every car and traffic light. I must've seen at least 30 of them nearly get knocked over, only to berate the drivers as if they were the ones who were causing the congestion.

 

For that reason, I am happy to see Justin Bieber this high up as a representative of the twats who make up his fan base.

 

Pricks.

 

Thankfully, I wasn't in Liverpool then but I saw plenty of photos of the streets being taken over by these swarms of 12 year old girls acting like they owned the place and, as you said, berating drivers for being the problem in that situation. It looked highly frustrating, though the amount of people on Facebook wanting to head into town and kill Bieber/his fans was amusing.

 

I must say, I'm quite impressed with how I've had several mentions in the write-ups for this. I thought my rants were pretty tame compared to some of the stuff others would have written.

[HarmonicGenerator]

And we enter the Top 3.

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities

 

 

 

3

Ashley Cole

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

 

What's he famous for?

Football, being married to Cheryl.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

"Obviously people choosing footballers hints at rival club biases, but Ashley Cole's twattishness surely transcends football now, doesn't it?" asks Mangum, before continuing, "you barely need to know who he is to realise that you hate him, and even if you don't know his name, a glimpse of his weasel face or the sound of his whiny voice should be enough to provoke you to violence. A year characterised by his... dummy-spitting persecution complex has just ended with him shooting a bystander [NB: it should be noted that this has been reported as being accidental], an act made even more twattish by the fact he's a 30-year old man fannying about with an air rifle as if he were a 14-year old ASBO or a paranoid farmer. An utter abortion of a human being, but in his defence he is a decent full-back, so I suppose it's only fair that he's a multi-millionaire who gets to shag Playboy models."

 

The Natural, who ranked Cole at #2, calls him "probably my least favourite footballer today, if not ever, which is saying something. Hell, he transcends that to be one of my least favourite people I've ever seen in the media. I can't stand this arrogant fucker. A twat of the highest order." El Espanacas, who ranked him at #7, considers Cole "the prime example of the spoiled modern day footballer. He has not got one single redeemable feature about him."

 

Mr. Seven, who ranked Cole at #6, ponders: "Kinda worrying that the Chelsea back-line boasts the two most awful 'humans' in the modern game but there you go. Again, where to begin?... it's his sheer gall and arrogance in his misdeeds that makes him worthy of bile. Refuses to apologise for any indiscretion, carries himself like some kind of victim and has the intelligence of a door. Cunt."

 

Finally, air_raid_crash, who ranked him at #2, developed an unfortunate case of Ashley Cole Tourettes and concluded, "cretinous overpaid sleazy arrogant odious little fuckhole twat."

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Ashley Cole is worse than...

Getting shot. In the balls. Twice. Without even the satisfaction of knowing who did it, and no possibility of revenge. In the middle of nowhere so you have to walk miles for help. And you're naked, and you don't know why. Because you have amnesia. And your wife left you. Probably for the mystery person that shot you. In the balls. Twice. You remember that bit. But nothing else.

Edited March 24, 2011 by HarmonicGenerator