matbro1984 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I have been up all night with crippling gut pain - the GP says I have chronic constipation and has sent me home with laxatives, cocodamol for the pain, and buscopan to stop the cramps*. If the pain I'm in serves as any indication then a noteworthy ( albeit drug-assisted) shit is on the cards. * Actually, my wife is a doctor and made the diagnosis, but going to the GP is a formality as she obviously cannot prescribe stuff for me.  What makes this situation especially pleasant is that we don't have doors in the house at the moment. Anywhere. They're all being sanded and delivered next week. So my thunderdump is going to permeate the whole house Watch your intake of the codine for gods sake or it will get worse. Your wife has probably told you that though. Actually my GP said nothing of the sort, and neither did my wife. Maybe she wants the life insurance money. Granted, we're communicating by text because she's at work but surely my GP ought to have warned me? (Hysterical Daily Mail rant about the declining state of the NHS, coupled with an argument against fair staff salaries, goes here)  I've had renal colic several times over the last 2 years and honestly can't say I'd noticed such an effect when I'd been scoffing them like M&Ms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted February 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 3, 2011 I have been up all night with crippling gut pain - the GP says I have chronic constipation and has sent me home with laxatives, cocodamol for the pain, and buscopan to stop the cramps*. If the pain I'm in serves as any indication then a noteworthy ( albeit drug-assisted) shit is on the cards. * Actually, my wife is a doctor and made the diagnosis, but going to the GP is a formality as she obviously cannot prescribe stuff for me.  What makes this situation especially pleasant is that we don't have doors in the house at the moment. Anywhere. They're all being sanded and delivered next week. So my thunderdump is going to permeate the whole house Watch your intake of the codine for gods sake or it will get worse. Your wife has probably told you that though. Actually my GP said nothing of the sort, and neither did my wife. Maybe she wants the life insurance money. Granted, we're communicating by text because she's at work but surely my GP ought to have warned me? (Hysterical Daily Mail rant about the declining state of the NHS, coupled with an argument against fair staff salaries, goes here)  I've had renal colic several times over the last 2 years and honestly can't say I'd noticed such an effect when I'd been scoffing them like M&Ms. As long as you keep taking the movicol or whatever lax they gave you, keep your fluids pushed and eat as much fibre as you can you should be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members CuckedByMenry Posted February 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 3, 2011 I can't recall any particularly vicious poos, I'm more storied in going from not needing one to trying to prevent a turtle head in the space of a nano second. On a more poositive note (fuck me, I'm a riot) I read while pooing for the first time last week. It. Was. Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Halitosis Romantic Posted February 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 3, 2011 Produced a few logs myself, but don't think I can ever be blamed for blocking the bog. However, was once at Cleethorpes train station, and went to take a shit, only to found that the water was off. Hadn't stopped the guy just vacating the cubicle, though, as he'd produced what looked like five pounds of soft shit, topped off with a little Mr. Whippy curl at the top. I left, and developed a brief fear of shitting after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matbro1984 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I have been up all night with crippling gut pain - the GP says I have chronic constipation and has sent me home with laxatives, cocodamol for the pain, and buscopan to stop the cramps*. If the pain I'm in serves as any indication then a noteworthy ( albeit drug-assisted) shit is on the cards. * Actually, my wife is a doctor and made the diagnosis, but going to the GP is a formality as she obviously cannot prescribe stuff for me.  What makes this situation especially pleasant is that we don't have doors in the house at the moment. Anywhere. They're all being sanded and delivered next week. So my thunderdump is going to permeate the whole house Watch your intake of the codine for gods sake or it will get worse. Your wife has probably told you that though. Actually my GP said nothing of the sort, and neither did my wife. Maybe she wants the life insurance money. Granted, we're communicating by text because she's at work but surely my GP ought to have warned me? (Hysterical Daily Mail rant about the declining state of the NHS, coupled with an argument against fair staff salaries, goes here)  I've had renal colic several times over the last 2 years and honestly can't say I'd noticed such an effect when I'd been scoffing them like M&Ms. As long as you keep taking the movicol or whatever lax they gave you, keep your fluids pushed and eat as much fibre as you can you should be ok.  Tonight, it arrived. Note the timestamp of my earlier message - it had already been a couple of days when that was posted. If scientists could harness the power I just unleashed, the energy crisis would be over.  I'm off to sob into my teddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 7, 2011 Moderators Share Posted February 7, 2011 Should have taken a photo if it was herculean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matbro1984 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Should have taken a photo if it was herculean. Impossible. Two mid-dump flushes were necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenryck Pilchards Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Sorry to bump this topic, but I have just had a baffling toilet experience which I have to share. I have just returned from work after suffering from a Pionidal Sinus (That is another story in itself) and I am on some nasty antibiotics called Metrodiazole which knock me out and make me shit through the eye of the needle. Â Anywho I sat on the throne and my load made quite an explosive escape, I felt there could be a bit more ready to disengage so I waited paitently (slacking off work) until a movement ensued. In the meantime another bloke came into the toilet and went into the cubicle next door but one from me. He let off a rip-roaring fart of which must have caused his shit to come out like a scud missile, but instead of being proud of unleashing his brown trout he said "Oh my!" in a Stephen Fry kind of way. All of a sudden his mobile phone is blaring Volare by Dean Martin. I thought it was a case of the unfortunate phone call in mid-shit scenario, but alas no. He was playing Dean Martin's Greatest Hits to block out the noise of his explosive releases of gas as That's Amore came belting out after Volare. I left before "In the Misty Moonlight" came on as I feared a brown mist was descending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Halitosis Romantic Posted February 25, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 25, 2011 I think I did a three-pound shit yesterday, and blocked the bog in our new apartment - it went down, but then water just came pouring out of the toilet. I think I've fucked up my insides, actually - takeaway food is actually cheaper than buying groceries here in NYC. I went to get the basics for a salad, our first time cooking since we moved, and it came to $15 for pasta, lettuce, feta cheese, tomato, and a freaky fucking American cucumber, and then another $10 for olive oil and vinegar for dressing. Therefore, I'm sticking to takeout food till I can get a ride to Wal-Mart and stock up in New Jersey, on the cheap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Pitcos Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Earlier in the week, I was on a train from Manchester to Liverpool and about fifteen minutes in, was struck by the need to poo. It was a little dinky train, packed and I had about three massive bags that I didn't want to carry around looking for the on-board bog. I decided to hold it in, thinking the train would be in Liverpool within fifteen minutes, but it was really another forty-five, and this was no normal shit. It was horrible, explosive, stomach-wrenching hell. The contractions got closer and closer together and it got harder to fight the urge to just release my brownwater baby into my jeans, consequences be damned. I fought proudly though, staggered to the doorway of the carriage and just willed the train to pull in. When it got to Lime St, I ran for the toilets and just about made it. Â There then followed about half an hour of crying and sweating my way through a combined blast of diarrhea and crippling constipation. The shit was yellow, possible from Chicken McNuggets. My girlfriend was waiting outside the station in the car for me the whole time, and sending texts that were supportive yet also urged me to hurry the fuck up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Your Fight Site Posted February 25, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 25, 2011 Anywho I sat on the throne and my load made quite an explosive escape, I felt there could be a bit more ready to disengage so I waited paitently (slacking off work) until a movement ensued. In the meantime another bloke came into the toilet and went into the cubicle next door but one from me. He let off a rip-roaring fart of which must have caused his shit to come out like a scud missile, but instead of being proud of unleashing his brown trout he said "Oh my!" in a Stephen Fry kind of way. All of a sudden his mobile phone is blaring Volare by Dean Martin. I thought it was a case of the unfortunate phone call in mid-shit scenario, but alas no. He was playing Dean Martin's Greatest Hits to block out the noise of his explosive releases of gas as That's Amore came belting out after Volare. I left before "In the Misty Moonlight" came on as I feared a brown mist was descending. The UKFF never fails to make me have a proper belly-laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirk Angel Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I don't usually read much in off-topic but was bored this eve. This thread has made me laugh so fucking much, Fat Boy Mendoza's story especially (sorry buddy)! My 12 year old step daughter can't work out what the hell I must be looking at. Â No Poop stories of my own (fortunately), just thought i'd praise an amazing thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.