Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 5, 2011 Moderators Share Posted February 5, 2011 Four things  a) It's not your fault. Push that well out of your head if it comes up. b) Ale is no good. It'll send you west. c) Talk to his family, to his mum, kids, whatever. If he has kids give them things you were borrowed years back from the deceased so they have a good memory of him and a clue of what he was like and what he liked. d) immerse yourself in work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matbro1984 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 The funeral is Friday afternoon. I didn't think I'd be as affected by this as I have been. Tonight, the finality of his funeral and the fact we're never going to see him again has really hit home. I don't feel so guilty any more, just completely gutted. For him, for his family, selfishly for us his friends. And so here I sit, in the dark at half three in the morning typing this to a group of strangers because nobody on Facebook right now would understand. My wife, thankfully, is at work and does not have to confront the mess I currently present. Nothing terribly macho about weeping but its good to get it out of your system  It just seems so unfair that he was plagued with depression and saw suicide as his way out, because he was a good man. Not in a "he's dead now, better be nice about him" way; he really was an honest, good-hearted man who had so much potential. I've been thinking a lot about the fun times we used to have and how he helped me through some problems of my own back in the day - I use the word 'problems' loosely as in hindsight I realise what superficial, teenage angstsy BS it actually was. I remember ripping the piss out of each other as the other would get knocked back by the girls, meeting up to smoke joints in the dead of night, hatching hare-brained schemes to cheat in exams, getting pissed at our leaver's ball, trying (and failing) to get ourselves recruited by a mates band, comparing (ridiculously embellished) tales about losing our virginity or our latest conquest, all that stupid fun shit you do when you're growing up. I feel all these memories have died with him. I guess this is the uncensored version of the sympathy letter eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Pitcos Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I wish I'd had a mate like that in my adolescent years. This thread makes me feel like getting in touch with old friends I've lost touch with. I'm sorry for your loss, I can only imagine what you are going through. Those memories haven't died with him, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reverend Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 My wife, thankfully, is at work and does not have to confront the mess I currently present. Nothing terribly macho about weeping but its good to get it out of your system  But don't ever let anyone tell you its wrong either. I never cried properly after my brother died. I guess I was trying to be strong for my parents, family etc. and its a huge regret because I think had I had that release, let someone hug me and had an emotional outburst, then I wouldn't have been that ball of pent-up frustration I was for a while after the funeral. Let it out mate. And remember theres always peeps on here who know what you're going through and will listen. I hope everything goes well mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Frankie Crisp Posted February 10, 2011 Awards Moderator Share Posted February 10, 2011 The funeral is Friday afternoon. I didn't think I'd be as affected by this as I have been. Tonight, the finality of his funeral and the fact we're never going to see him again has really hit home. I don't feel so guilty any more, just completely gutted. For him, for his family, selfishly for us his friends. And so here I sit, in the dark at half three in the morning typing this to a group of strangers because nobody on Facebook right now would understand. My wife, thankfully, is at work and does not have to confront the mess I currently present. Nothing terribly macho about weeping but its good to get it out of your system  It just seems so unfair that he was plagued with depression and saw suicide as his way out, because he was a good man. Not in a "he's dead now, better be nice about him" way; he really was an honest, good-hearted man who had so much potential. I've been thinking a lot about the fun times we used to have and how he helped me through some problems of my own back in the day - I use the word 'problems' loosely as in hindsight I realise what superficial, teenage angstsy BS it actually was. I remember ripping the piss out of each other as the other would get knocked back by the girls, meeting up to smoke joints in the dead of night, hatching hare-brained schemes to cheat in exams, getting pissed at our leaver's ball, trying (and failing) to get ourselves recruited by a mates band, comparing (ridiculously embellished) tales about losing our virginity or our latest conquest, all that stupid fun shit you do when you're growing up. I feel all these memories have died with him. I guess this is the uncensored version of the sympathy letter eh? You may feel there's nothing macho about weeping, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with it either. Getting your feelings out on here is a good idea, too.  PITCOS is spot on about those memories not dying with your friend. The fact that they are still in your mind after all the years and no doubt there will be countless other popping in to your head over the coming days and weeks, shows that they'll always be there with you. There'll be some days when you'll think of him lots and other days where you may not think of him at all. There's no shame in the latter happening and it'll mean more when you do randomly think of him. Also, those memories you've shared with us above should be shared with everyone you see at the funeral/wake. You can be certain that they'll have just as many memories and between all of you, you'll give him a fitting send-off by doing nothing but talk about the things you remember most about him. It won Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matbro1984 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks guys. Embarrassing self indulgent posts aside(!) I found out that only 1 other classmate is coming to the funeral. Circumstances (can't get the time off work, health problems, pregnancy even) and not living in the area any more have put paid to everyone else coming. The other guy is driving so that rules out a wake, which is a bummer. Â Also, I just got a really beautiful PM from someone in a similar position. I won't repeat their name without permission but you know who you are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Seven Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Not to hijack this thread, but what are people's thoughts on going to the funeral of someone you were once very good friends with but had a bad falling out with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted February 11, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 11, 2011 I suppose that would depend on how bad the fallout was. If it was something minor then I wouldn't having a problem attending the funeral. But if it's something his friends and parents knew about, thye might not appreciate you showing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted February 11, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted February 11, 2011 If it wasn't a totally severe falling out, it might actually look better if you went. To show there was no hard feelings, or it's all in the past or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 11, 2011 Moderators Share Posted February 11, 2011 Not to hijack this thread, but what are people's thoughts on going to the funeral of someone you were once very good friends with but had a bad falling out with? Â Friendship is Friendship. As a friend you'll be forgiven. Pay respects. You'll regret it if you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted February 11, 2011 Moderators Share Posted February 11, 2011 Depends on what the falling out was. If it's going to upset the deceased's family to see you there you shouldn't go. If you think it might, you should speak to them first. But if they're OK with it then you should definitely go, for the reasons Butch has said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matbro1984 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you to everyone who responded. I just got home from the funeral which was exactly the closure I needed. The family had chosen a great photo, which was not some stereotypical posed photo, but a photo of him straight off Facebook, taken at a party a few months ago at his loud and happy best. I didn't see a single person pass it without smiling. Also, when the priest was closing his speech and said "remember he lives on", the sound of feedback came on through the speakers in the chapel. Rationally, that was just a chance occurance but afterward everyone seemed to unanimously agree that it was him fucking with us one last time (he was quite a prankster). His schoolfriends and teachers who'd attended all met up in the pub afterward for a round of drinks in his honour before going our separate ways. Not one tear was shed by any of us, I say that as a good thing, as we were too busy telling "remember when" stories. A beautiful and fitting end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Frankie Crisp Posted February 11, 2011 Awards Moderator Share Posted February 11, 2011 That's great to read and I'm glad it went the way these things should - remembering the guy for what he meant to you all collectively and individually, with a smile on your faces. You definitely made the right decision by going and although it's awful that he passed away and you'll never get to see him again, at least you know even in death he was able to make his friends smile in the way he used to. Glad you were able to post an update too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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