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The UKFF Celebrity Twatlist


HarmonicGenerator

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Top 6 time.

 

 

 

6

Bono

portrait-bono2.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Singing in U2, saving the world.

 

And he's a twat because...

I struggled to find a vote for him that didn't just say 'CUNT' next to it, but eventually, here's this

 

"The earth is dying we

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3

Kerry Katona

Kerry_280_438728a.jpg

 

What's she famous for?

Smoking crack, getting pissed, having kids, having husbands, getting fat, getting thin, being on the cover of OK magazine despite having done nothing of worth since ever.

 

And she's a twat because...

She's an annoying fat turd with nothing to offer the world.

 

Read all about her reaction to this list in the next issue of OK. A world exclusive! (like anybody else could give a shite)

 

Was she voted a Top Twat?

Multiple times.

 

And so to summarise, Kerry Katona is worse than...

AIDS.

 

 

 

 

2

Alan Carr

alan-carr-celeb.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Being camp. That's it. He even wrote a fucking book about it.

 

And he's a twat because...

For the final time, let's to go Mr. Seven (who actually said this about Justin Lee Collins too, but I kept it, slightly paraphrased, for Carr)

 

Not funny, extremely irritating, incredibly ugly and has a really annoying voice and is loved by cunts everywhere. Oh, and I want to roast him alive while I masturbate furiously to the sounds of his agony.

 

Was he voted a Top Twat?

More than anybody else, actually, but it wasn't enough...

 

And so to summarise, Alan Carr is worse than...

cancer.

 

 

 

And now...

 

1

Katie 'Jordan' Price

katie_price.jpg

 

What's she famous for?

What's she not famous for?

 

And she's a twat because...

One last time let's hand over to some of the voters.

 

- 'I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world' Plastic, fantastic! Needs kicks to the bucket repeatedly. Took Gareth Gates virginity iirc, shagged a load of footballers, would probably melt in front of a naked flame. Cunt.

 

- Unapologetic cock & coke addict who has had more dicks than an average person's daily calorie intake, and as a result she probably needs to use a stick of candy floss as a tampon. She's had so much work on her comic tits it would be easier to put footballs in them with an air valve sticking out underneath. Has had three crotchfruits - one born blind due to her habits, has found "true love" a couple of years before pissing it away for yet more dick, has written three novels about 'fictional' vapid cock addicts and has now left her 'normal' kids in the dust with their father for the pursuit of - ta da! - cock. The only suitable word for her begins with 'C' and sums up her personality and intellect all at once.

 

- It takes some piece of work to turn a cheesy pop singer from the mid-90s into the most sympathetic non-terminal illness-having figure in the country. An utter car wreck of a human being, and like Jade Goody often wrongly identified as a 'clever businesswoman' as opposed to a thick slut with a good agent.

 

- stupid annoying bitch who is so stupid the only way she could ever make any money was by having massive tits.

 

People don't like her much, you know.

 

Was she voted a Top Twat?

Yes. Oh yes.

 

And so to summarise, Katie 'Jordan' Price is worse than...

Everything. Just... everything.

 

 

 

 

 

So that's the list. Thanks for reading and for voting.

 

And for the sake of interest, an alphabetical list of everyone who was nominated, but that didn't make the top 30.

 

Adele, Adrian Chiles, Alex Deakin, Alistair Darling, Ashley Cole, Bill O'Reilly, Billy Connolly, Bob Geldof, Bryan Robson, Calum Best, Chris Evans, Chris Kamara, Chris Martin, Colin Farrell, Danielle Lloyd, David Blaine, David Cameron, The Eggheads, Gary Neville, George Lamb, George Sampson, Gordon Brown, Gordon Ramsay, Graham Norton, Harry Hill, Harry Redknapp, Ian Brown, Ian Hislop, Jack Osbourne, Jamie Redknapp, Janet Street-Porter, Jeremy Kyle, Jim Davidson, Jon Gaunt, The Jonas Brothers, The Kaiser Chiefs, Kings of Leon, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Nick Hancock, Paul Darce (Daily Mail editor), Paul McCartney, Peaches Geldof, Peter Andre, Piers Morgan, Prince Harry, Rebecca Loos, Richard Littlejohn, Robert Peston, Rush Limbaugh, Sara Cox, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sharon Osbourne, Simon Cowell, Simon Mayo, Steve Evans (Crawley Town manager), Steven Gerrard, Tabloid newspaper and glossy magazine editors, the ginger bird from La Roux, Tim Lovejoy, Tom Cruise, Toyah Wilcox, Triple H and Uri Geller.

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Let me be the first to bore everybody else with my Top 15, I don't actually think I did all that well, as relates to the main list:

 

1. Pink

2. Frankie Boyle

3. The ginger bird from La Roux

4. Jim Davidson

5. Richard Littlejohn

6. Harry Redknapp

7. Robert Peston

8. Miley Cyrus

9. Jon Gaunt

10. Uri Gellar

11. Billy Connolly

12. George Lamb

13. Steven Gerrard

14. Peaches Geldoff

15. Sharon Osbourne

 

Great, great write up though, very funny. Top marks.

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This was mine:

 

1) Pete Doherty

2) Danny Dyer

3) Prince Harry

4) Calum Best

5) David Cameron

6) Noel Fielding

7) Peaches Geldof

8) George Sampson (seems a bit harsh in retrospect, though I do only have to see his stupid tear-shaped face on TV to remind me why I picked him)

9) Katie 'Jordan' Price

10) Ashley Cole

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Top 10 (w/o comments), although I've seen much more deserving since I mailed:

 

1. Katie Price

2. Danny Dyer (Would've been top, but he hasn't directly or purposely fucked anybody's lives up)

3. Gordon Brown

4. Jonathan Ross

5. Piers Morgan

6. Danielle Lloyd

7. Rebecca Loos (Well, both of these are somewhat redundant except Miss Lloyd got no shit for her role in Shilpagate)

8. The Eggheads

9. Tim Lovejoy

10. Alistair Darling

 

I'm kinda biased but I actually like JLC as he is quite funny at times, yet he seems to want to be a jack of all trades so he throws himself into stuff with an Aspie-level fervour but without actually want to take anything on full-time. And that's his problem, whilst he doesn't patronise any field he tries to break into he never makes a good advertisement of it either.

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I assume the reason Littlejohn didn't make it was because the word TWAT is too soft when attatched to him.

 

Don't mind Alan Carr either, just overexposed a bit i think and that act can get grating.

 

Great Number 1, I didnt think anyone deserved to beat Robbie Williams but I was wrong

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