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Frankie Crisp

Idiots at work

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Any chance of you dicking her at the Christmas Party?

What, again?

Just say that you aren't you and that you are your own doppelganger. Now that she has seen you both, the only way she can survive is to become your doppelganger banger.

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Any chance of you dicking her at the Christmas Party?

What, again?

Just say that you aren't you and that you are your own doppelganger. Now that she has seen you both, the only way she can survive is to become your doppelganger banger.

That makes me want to hug my laptop. God bless the UKFF, I knew I could rely on this place to get me through my day.

Edited by The Waterboy

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Well yes, but it's mainly because the cool air being circulated by the air-con is a bit of a waste of time if you open the windows. The way the comment is worded suggests that your air conditioning unit will make a misguided attempt to try and cool down the whole world if you open your window.

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I actually thought that chap on about the A/C had a point! Works best with the windows shut, doesn't it?

 

Anyway, Waterboy, where do you actually work? She sounds like an absolute mess.

For a consultancy firm in Cheshire. She's an admin bitch who does all of the crap that nobody else wants to do. Unfortunately, it has led to a deluded state of mind which convinces her that the building would fall over if she left, so she keeps banging on about a pay rise which she 'deserves more than anyone else'.

 

This is within a company who has made redundancies in the last 9 months, yet that still doesn't make her realise that all overheads are being scrutinised and she hasn't got a chance in hell. Thankfully for me, in between her forum-worthy idiocy, she keeps threatening to leave if she doesn't get a pay rise soon. Fine by me, off you pop then you fucking imbecile.

 

Oh and as I type this, she said that one of her ex-boyfriends put her on a 'peddle stool'. No wonder she dumped him.

Edited by The Waterboy

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Oh and as I type this, she said that one of her ex-boyfriends put her on a 'peddle stool'. No wonder she dumped him.

 

:laugh:

 

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Though I don't know everything word for word, earlier my mum told me the story of a girl she works with that her and her mate take the piss out of. She didn't know anything about World War 2, she thought we were the Nazis and we lost. She thinks Hitler (who's name she spelt wrong) had a beard "like Jesus" and when challenged on this replied with "well they were both from like the old ages, like olden times, weren't they?".

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Soon as this thread popped up it reminded me of boneheaded tools i've worked with, then i suddenly developed amnesia about specific stupidity that needed to be told, how ironic. Yet i remember some stuff so i'll type it out.

 

I used to work in a warehouse up the road and we had this kid there, lanky chav with ginger hair that rode a scooter called Andy. He was legitamately the stupidest person i ever met, he got paid more than me, yet did nothing (he even put ear defenders on and climbed inside big boxes and slept for hours instead of working) and when he did do something he fucked it up.

Everything he did was annoying, even getting well known adages wrong, i cringed everytime he said "Last but least". My Supervisor only reffered to him as 'Cabbage' or 'You thick fucker' which was the highlight of having him around.

 

Anyway we really needed a Fork lift truck to make life easier and after much campaigning we got one, except Andy hogged it and drove it like an ATV outside, pulling wheel spins inside till the floor had craters in and lumps of rubber burnt off in all directions. He'd bomb the full length of the building in reverse, smash into a table and then say "Whoops, i nearly spilt my tea", then he'd lean out, grab his tea, take a few sips, then bomb off again and repeat till his cup was empty. When he left the job, every thing in the building was damaged, the truck was pissing water and oil, needed new tyres, He'd shaken the counter balance weight bolt loose (which is virtually impossible) with his rallying and blocked the whole engine with dust and shit from outside. It took weeks to repair by men who couldn't believe how badly damaged it was in such a short period of time.

 

Its been close to 2 years since i last saw him and i genuinely think i've blocked out most of the shit he said, but he was deffo as thick as Waterboys work colleague.

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My favourite story of working with IT consultants, and generally why I hate them, is the following:

 

Him: I'm an expert on networking, and know everything there is to know. I've got over 10 years of experience with hubs, switches, and routers. Any questions on your network feel free to use me.

Me: That sounds great. You'll be a wonderful resource it seems.

 

<some time later>

 

Me: I think we have a spanning tree problem on our switches...

Him: What's spanning tree?

 

It was at this point I told the IT manager that I think we can do without the consultants. Her response: "No, they are vital!" :(

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Holding out a bannana: "Who wants an apple?"

 

That almost got me in trouble at work.

 

Soon as this thread popped up it reminded me of boneheaded tools i've worked with, then i suddenly developed amnesia about specific stupidity that needed to be told, how ironic. Yet i remember some stuff so i'll type it out.

 

I used to work in a warehouse up the road and we had this kid there, lanky chav with ginger hair that rode a scooter called Andy. He was legitamately the stupidest person i ever met, he got paid more than me, yet did nothing (he even put ear defenders on and climbed inside big boxes and slept for hours instead of working) and when he did do something he fucked it up.

Everything he did was annoying, even getting well known adages wrong, i cringed everytime he said "Last but least". My Supervisor only reffered to him as 'Cabbage' or 'You thick fucker' which was the highlight of having him around.

 

Anyway we really needed a Fork lift truck to make life easier and after much campaigning we got one, except Andy hogged it and drove it like an ATV outside, pulling wheel spins inside till the floor had craters in and lumps of rubber burnt off in all directions. He'd bomb the full length of the building in reverse, smash into a table and then say "Whoops, i nearly spilt my tea"

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

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lanky chav with ginger hair that rode a scooter called Andy.

What kind of tosser names his scooter?

A Ginger Tosser :devil:

 

I've recalled a few more stories about him. One was he was skint but needed his Scooter servicing, so he went had it done, came to work next day, said it cost

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"All Australians look the same."

"If they haven't made a film out of it, then it's not a decent book."

"She's in the top 20...she's 22."

"I can remember Supergran but I can't remember what it was about."

"Just because he's won every trophy, it doesn't make him a good manager."

"The group is called the 5,6,7,8'S" That's because they couldn't count to four.

While watching the film Pitch Black, he commented, he's neither good nor bad he's pure evil.

"we've always eaten meat, you can tell from the photographs of cave men."

"I'd rather be rich and miserable than poor and happy"

"McFly and the beatles are exactly the same. They are both shit"

"The iPod is not an mp3 player."

"On Honey I Shrunk the Kids, he should have shrunk a large pizza, then everyone could have had a small pizza each".

 

OMG! I really want to meet this guy (is that wrong?) these are amazing! These are my favourites, the ones in bold are extra good!

Thanks for making me laugh so hard!

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