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Crap Jokes that make you laugh


spotlightmagnet1

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Two old men sitting on deckchairs on the beach.One says "It's nice out isn't it"The other replies "Would you mind if I got mine out too?"

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Should a band who shoplifts be called Lost Profits or Kaiser Thieves?

They're not making nearly enough as Metalnicka right now, while the police (especially on the South Coast) are too busy listening to Nickablack to care.
The Police broke up, something to do with a wayward Sting operation.
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Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?Cos he's a cunt.

No he hasn't. I've just looked him up and I can't find one anywhere.
:angry: fucking hell man. Tell another joke and I'll shit on it!!!
It's a great joke! And Noddy clearly does have a bell on his hat. The cunt.Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"
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Two birds sat on a perch, one says 'do you smell fish?'.Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other 'how the fuck do you drive this thing?!'.Shalespeare walks into a bar, barman says 'get out! Yout bard!'.What's E.T. short for?He's got little legs!Theres loads that involve actions as well, i'll try and describe:A lobster walks into a bar. The barman says 'get out of here, your barred!'. Lobster says 'why?'. Barman say 'You come in here, givin' it all that..' *make lobster claw/jabering mouth hand movements*How tall is hitler and where does he live? About this tall *make hitler moustache with one hand* and he lives over there *do nazi salute with other hand*

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What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?Fucks Funny.

:laugh::laugh: I just choked on a bit of Kit-Kat!Hilarious!!Okay, my contributions.....Mr and Mrs Blobby laying in bed.Mrs Blobby turns to Mr Blobby and says "Blobby blob blub blob"Mr Blobby sighs and says "Oh, for God's sake, just shut up and swallow, bitch!"What's green and smells of pork?Kermit the Frog's finger.A man turns up to a fancy dress party in nothing but his underwear.The host, confused, says "No, I don't get it. What are you meant to be?"Bloke says "Premature ejaculation.....because I've just come in my pants!"Always make me laugh no matter how many times I hear 'em.
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Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?Cos he's a cunt.

No he hasn't. I've just looked him up and I can't find one anywhere.
:angry: fucking hell man. Tell another joke and I'll shit on it!!!
It's a great joke! And Noddy clearly does have a bell on his hat. The cunt.
THANK YOU!!
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apparently the invisible man come knocking last night. couldnt see him thougha dustman knocks on a chinese mans door and asks "wheres ya bin?"chinese guy replys "i been in toiret"dustman replys "no wheres ya wheelie bin"chinese man "i wheely bin in toiret"dustman "seriously mate wheres ya wheeie bin"chinese man "ok ok i was having a rank (wank)"(apologies for the blatent racism)

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A man goes into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and shouts "You've got one minute to get out before the bomb goes off"A tortoise in the back shouts, "You cunt!"

That's perhaps the funniest thing i've ever read :thumbsup:
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