patiirc

3 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

No, nor are loads of other things mentioned. The self diagnosed / want to be autistic lot will try and include anything for validation though so that’s why it’s important to listen to actual medical experts. 

 Referred, not self diagnosed.

If it helps any it was picked up in DV recovery and then further acted upon following psyche assessment following overdose.

Mates have pointed stims and other things like emotional regulation issues out because, in one case it is their day job. I'd guess they'd be an expert on things

But hey, you'd absolutely know best being a gender critical person last time I checked and thus hating that I exist by default 

Deffo going check jazzy geofferz links and thank Devon and everyone else for their comments. Much appreciated 

1 minute ago, Devon Malcolm said:

My apologies. What I meant to say is that not all 'neurodivergent' people have a special interest. This is a stereotype.

Who's done this? Trademark pat. If someone gives you a reply that isn't cushioned with a bow on it, you take it as a personal attack. You asked for help and advice, I attempted to give you some. A schoolboy error on my part, clearly.

Once again, this isn't necessarily a trait of a person of someone on a spectrum. That's just being very interested in something.

Okay regards stereotype, I didn't know

I don't know what a 'trademark pat' is.

I absolutely struggle with communication that I don't get or is confusing. I absolutely fear conflict having had it physically beaten out of me several times over the last 25 years or so, got a permanent reminder of that too, divot in my head from my last but one partner.

I've taken your advice and I thank you for it.

Finally I can only go on what I've been told. I'm trying to learn so I can deal with it.

Not freaking out if routine changes or, my clothes annoy me to the point of meltdown. Disordered eating, clear struggles voicing opinion, failing to read the room, not understanding why and what the response should be so get frustrated because it feels like I'm speaking in a different language to everyone all of the time . Help with that would be really useful to function as an adult.

19 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

Everyone has a special interest, don't they? Not everyone is on the autistic spectrum.

Whoever is telling you this or wherever you're reading this - stop listening to them because they are talking absolute shite.

Also, stop listing absolutely everything that has happened or is happening in your life, every aspect of your personality, and every interaction that you had with another human being and then pawing through it looking for some semblance confirmation that you're on the spectrum. See and speak to medical professionals and use medically approved websites as sources. Your mates telling you you might be autistic because you play a lot of Flimbo's Quest is not a reliable source.

Have I said that about 'everyone has a special interest' no I haven't.I don't get why you think I would either.

I came here looking for help as struggling.

Drs have confirmed that referrals have gone in today

I've never understood the hostility on this board and I never will.

Reach out for help, try and explain what's going on and where to go for anything that can at least give me an idea of what's going on and what to do about , and the answer is to shout and scream at me.

It's not just playing flimbos quest to your example it would be finding and playing and owning and completing every version, then reading about the development of the game, the history of the Dev team, checking out other games and doing the same for them, then getting any tat related to it 

First played on an Atari ST Demo in 1990 and enjoy the jaunty tunes.

Not sure really how else I'm meant to respond to that tbh.

22 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

What has this got to do with anything?

I'm just going on what I've been told that having special interests is a neurodivergent sign.

I probably don't make much sense at the moment as I don't understand it myself.

Sorry 

2 hours ago, jazzygeofferz said:

I attended a health/work event at the local job centre yesterday (always a difficult sensory experience for me), but it was still a little productive.

The people my job coach asked me to see specifically said they didn't think I was ready for their service yet, but that once I was they'd more than likely be able to help me into a job in logistics given my experience and skills. 

I also spoke to an organisation called Andy's Man Club which provides peer to peer support. It just sounds like somewhere to go to have somebody to talk to. It might be good to check out sometime. 

I also spoke to a lady from an organisation called re:fresh/Care Network, and she said she wanted to speak to autistic people to better understand our needs in order to improve the services and support they can provide. She also me tioned something about possibly volunteering in group sessions they have, but I was starting to get a little overwhelmed by all the noise and activity around me. Anyway, I'm meeting her at their shop/unit in town opposite the library on Tuesday morning to talk about it further. I don't know how the job centre or ESA will react, but I have an appointment with my job coach (who's also called Jazz) on Wednesday anyway. I see it as another opportunity to get used to being around different people again, which will hopefully help me to get a little closer to returning to work. 

It's been a busy week. Anxiety was getting pretty high yesterday, but I think it was because I was getting burned out. 

@patiircsome autism/adhd channels I watch on YouTube are Purple Ella, Yo Samdy Sam, Neurodivergent Rebel, Asperger's From The Inside, and The Aspie World. I'd say to steer clear of videos that go into too much detail about the diagnosis/assessment process as it may lead you to try and act a certain way, even if unconsciously to try and get the outcome you want, but at the same time it can sometimes help to have a little inkling of what to expect. They do all provide great content about their experiences, coping methods and the like. Worth watching. Hopefully you're not waiting too long for your assessment. Try not to think about it too much (easier said than done) and if the assessment does turn out the way you expect there'll also be a lot of "what if?" about things in the past you used to dismiss, which you may now realise were neurodivergent traits. 

Nice one on the job stuff.

Thanks for the links I'll go and do some research.

I've already done a lot of the 'what if' stuff with the Autophobia as If I'd known, most of the last decade/ 15 years would have been completely different. There's a lot of things that if I'd known wouldn't have happened from work, friendships and relationships decisions etc. I can't  make amends or apologise to in most cases and it's horrible to know things that I didn't then .

That would've been super helpful at the time  to prevent the dumpster fire that things became and not hurt people I never knew I was hurting

Regards the other things . It's been noted by friends etc that I get Asmr tingles, hyperfocus, executive dysfunction especially over chores, mail, and money have been pointed out repeatedly and that I'm alien who isn't from this planet, because don't always get social customs etc. Also I take what people say at face value and believe them as don't get lying etc, struggle with emotional regulation and reaction to and get overwhelmed massively in new places etc

Special interests, include retro games, transformers, DVDs, trying to understand humanity etc.

Stims include tapping nails, restless leg , rubbing knees, smoking as a tactile  and visual stim, strong flavours such as drinking Worcester Sauce out of the bottle. Hand flapping.

From what I've been told, it's likely when not if and tangible answers and help with that will help with not doing the bad things again .

I've no idea how to work with or soothe the above though hopefully can find answers to help.

Thanks once again 

1 hour ago, LaGoosh said:

Considering that you're apparently possibly autistic, have ADHD, autophobia, EUPD and suicidal thoughts I would suggest that perhaps relationships with someone that previously (currently?) suffered from paranoid psychosis isn't the wisest move.

No, I'm not thinking straight.

You are right though that's a recipe for disaster.

Missed the bluntness of this place.

Thanks everyone, less confused now *thumbs up*

50 minutes ago, Keith Houchen said:

Wow what utter bad luck. Yet another partner of pats has a totally unprovoked mental breakdown. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence and not the result of a narcissistic predator targeting vulnerable people. And there you go, that’s all the attention I’m giving you. 

Thanks, that is really insightful. I'm up for names of things so can change and get help.

34 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

I mean, from what you’ve elaborated there’s not much of a mystery is there? They sound not all together well.

Aye. 

Thanks, it's been helpful and much appreciated

2 hours ago, LaGoosh said:

Like what?

Doesn't really sound like there's any way to fix it though. Either you did do something without realizing it or she's a bit mental and there's no long term potential in mental.

Like having an in person conversation with their folx about them whilst I was in London. Because ehhh ??

I'm happy to take responsibility for things I did do, such as call 101 when they were suicidal, immediately after they broke up with me.

They've previously been sectioned with psychosis twice, and had recently been paranoid about everyone watching them all the time.

Perhaps the latter is right. I dunno, we're both part of a small friendship group it's really awkward.

2 hours ago, DavidB6937 said:

If she's gonna react like that then you're probably best out of it anyway.

Probably, thanks 

8 hours ago, Hannibal Scorch said:

Whilst it’s awful to go through trying to unalive yourself, I don’t know what you’re looking for. Without a diagnosis you won’t be able to get any medication for ADHD, and I’m not sure what other help you can get. And I’ve not seen any content that can help with coping as much as discussing what ADHD could do, and like Autism there is no one size fits all, so it depends on the type of ADHD to how it affects you. I’m not sure what autophobia or EUPD are. I typed ADHD into Apple Podcasts and found the ADHD Adults podcast. Some episodes discuss traits that affect me so they are the ones I’ve listened to first.

Thanks lovely

Autophobia is the fear of being  left alone, causes constant anxiety. I know the triggers for that and learning how to deal with

EUPD is emotionally unstable personality disorder, used to be BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder 

There's lots of conmorbidities in those 4 things, I'll try and see what's what.

I'm really really really confused.

Was happily in a relationship, spent Xmas together, was great.

3 days later dumped out of nowhere, via phone call after meant to meet up before going back to work post Xmas

Blocked on most things, today get a text as there's some things still to sort and get the reason that it's 'an irretrievable betrayal of trust that is beyond repair due to my recent behaviour.'

That would be great if I had literally any clue what they were on about.

Genuinely have read texts chats, voice notes, checked socials , replayed events and so on, none the wiser, we'd booked gig tix and hotels Xmas Eve.

There's no cheating, abusive behaviours arguments or anything else.

The break up phone call was bizzare as was accused of things that had nothing to do with me (Wasn't even in the same part of the country) and being drunk at work 3 years ago in a job that if I'd even smelt of alcohol I'd have been sacked on the spot, and then likely hauled to an investigation panel that may result in Prison .

They're clearly very angry over something I've  supposed to have done between 25th and 28th. However we didn't see each other only contacted via WhatsApp.

I'd totes get cold feet or wasn't what they wanted as we'd just past 6months ish but this is just beyond crazy.

Help

5 hours ago, Hannibal Scorch said:

Personally i would suggest holding off on watching any YT or listening to podcasts. Reason I say that is I think if you go into a screening or assessment clued up on cues or obvious characteristics, that could affect your output. I didn’t search anything out regarding ADHD as I wanted to go in without any particular thoughts in my head. But you do you, I’m not an expert.

 Unfortunately, diagnosis could be a while off.

Sadly I don't have the luxury of ignorance at the moment as I'm recovering from my 3rd suicide attempt in 12 months .

I don't want to end up there again and both have come up as possible factors in the repeat, hence referrals.

I'm at a bit of a loss hence asking for pointers 

A series of events recently has meant that I've finally been put forward for both ADHD and Autism diagnoses.

That and possible Autophobia and undiagnosed EUPD would explain why I was a total asshole at times.

The relief is phenomenal as I've now got names for things I've struggled for years, and more importantly can start to manage them

Does anyone have any good pods, or YouTube channels to  ASD or ADHD things.

Cheers

8 hours ago, WyattSheepMask said:

Looking forward to @FelatioLips’s review of The Firemen. 

Haven't posted for ages, but it was played as part of the retro league thing 12 years ago.

Blackthorne/Blackhawk is really good.

The SNES has loads of belters not called Wild Guns and Hagane.

May have to bust mine out as not played it in aeons 

8 hours ago, Tommy! said:

I get that impression from quite a lot of your posts

Class that Tommy, in a thread about two toxic people who've clearly abused it other terribly and then posters stating clearly how abused people should act in order to believed. 

If it helps any, I had to be talked down from killing myself by the police and Ambulance service on Tuesday night because of the literal nightmare that is my abusive ex. They've been their malevolent best over the last few weeks. 

I start with an ISVA in a few weeks after having already going through and IDVA and therapy to cover the physical and coercive stuff. There's more to come after that too. 

Ive still got two, maybe three different court cases to go, small claims, one of the large amounts of abuse and another through a transphobic poison pen letter thing that is likely them or someone associated with them because of the content. 

Perhaps instead of stalking my posts you can do something more productive in life. 

19 hours ago, Your Fight Site said:

That’s cool. That doesn’t make it the universal behaviour of abuse victims, though.

Nor does stereotyping someone's behaviour because someone has a 'favourite' 

Did not realise we had to behave a certain way when recounting our narrative, else not be believed. 

It's not anyone else that matters. It's stressful enough without scrutiny and others saying how victims should behave. 

1 hour ago, Hannibal Scorch said:

Victims of abuse would not normally look at their abuser when going into details. (and I have seen this first hand when on jury duty, and this is listening to body language experts reporting on this). When Depp gave his testimony he wouldn't look in her direction, but she stared at him. When she is giving hers, she is talking to the jury or at Depp. Also, there have been no witnesses that have seen any of the bruising or cuts. So either we are to believe Depp paid off the police and doctors, or the photos were doctored. Frankly, I don't think either is innocent of physical assault. 

Oh, mate, I'd absolutely look my abusers when talking about them and what they did. I'd want them to know I no longer fear them. 

Robin Williams and JT Walsh in Good Morning Vietnam. JT Walsh is a glorious bastard in most things. 

Jim Carrey in the Truman Show (Special Mention: Ed Harris) 

Robert Redford in Sneakers, effortless and a massively underrated film. 

Some kind soul has put the Mean Machines Sega Video up. 

11m 30ish for Aquatic Games

20 minutes ago, air_raid said:

If so inclined.

 

Deffo worth it for the match end, and some continuity. The rest was amazingly awful, thank you ❤️ 

28 minutes ago, air_raid said:

Post Mania, considerably. He’ll barely be wrestling by June/July, be sparingly used as a face in September-November in the Canadian market only, and have his first retirement match in January 1992.

Hammer vs Bravo was awful, New Dream Team were awful. Hammer quit the WWF in 88 pretending he didn’t want to do the angle where they kidnapped Matilda but really it was because he was sick of teaming with Dino. As soon as they stuck Bravo with Frenchy Martin and they moved the Bulldogs onto the Islanders, he was back.

Thanks, that's brilliant. 

I never got the point of Dino Bravo as a wrestler or the longevity, he was just 'there'. He never floated my boat. Spose it was the Quake love that made me dislike him even further with the push up thing he used to do. Definitely a case of 'just fuck off already' style heat. 

I absolutely need to track down a Hammer vs Bravo match now 

Wonderful thread this. Thanks for doing it

Love me some Barabarian and the matches against Texas Tornado sound fun, where as The Hammer vs Dino Bravo, who were stable mates at one point sound awful, and thus a must see. Would Dino be starting to wind down at this point as he'd retire the next year? 

It's awesome to see so many different pairings on the road during a time when I'd live to see the next show, was in effect. 

Daft question and probably very obvious, however I have brain death. What was the venue that they'd cut away to on WWF programmes, thinking Superstars, that had all of the Neon advertising signs in the rafters, and usually some horribly dark and grainy footage. I think it's Canadian but can't work it out. Cheers. 

13 hours ago, FelatioLips said:

I never got beyond the first! The first boss rinsed me.

Also @patiircI tried that Robocop strat and still can't do it!

Oh crumbs, I'll try and fire it up later if I get a chance, so used to playing the arcade version and getting absolutely rinsed on the junkyard level, I may have missed something. 

Edit 2m 20 ish jump and fire method 

With triple shot

1 hour ago, FelatioLips said:

Another day and another round. Probably the last big one before I settle into the games I have and start giving them a better revisit.

Dune II

Excellent little RTS and the Command & Conquer roots are plain as day, even down to the voice lines for units. I enjoy the presentation and the economic focus over brute force. The campaign was interesting in that you choose your next level by making moves on territory. Easy to learn as everything is explained in-game. 
A few things holding it back like not being able to select multiple units and some pretty slow scrolling, but a great game nontheless. Doesn't quite break my top 5 but it's in the top 10 easy.

Turrican II

I wanted to see everything this game has to offer as I can't get further than Stage 2, so I put the Infinite Lives cheat in and finished it. Wow. The game just gets better as it goes in nearly every way. Level design is top notch and more varied than I was expecting and the soundtrack is full of absolute classics, "The Wall" being an all timer. If it had some minor quality of life improvements it would be flawless. I can say hands down now it has the best overall soundtrack on the Amiga and I can't see it being beaten.

Shadow of The Beast II

I'll always have a soft spot for this trilogy so I'll try to be impartial. The opening cutscene is impressive and the world and music of the game will always be interesting to me, but the game is shit. The worst of the three games by far. Less graphically and audibly impressive than the first game, less playable than both the others.
Go right at the start instead of left? Soft locked. Don't kill that enemy that flew past your head? Soft locked. There is a dozen ways you can do the most basic of actions in the first ten minutes of this game that will disable the possibility of finishing it. It was clearly never bug tested, or if it was then I imagine those testers weren't employed much longer.
Being a Mega Drive player I always heard of the fabled "Ten Pints" cheat on this version and I honestly thought it was my saving grace to see it through. Nope. Got to a pit with a demon and two levers in it. Demon hits the lever and traps me in the pit, can't get out and can't die. Soft locked.
The music, graphics and that beautiful game over screen are all that's saving this from being the worst game I've played so far. If we're talking playability alone it's a 0/10 and sinks to the very very bottom.

Lemmings

What is there really to say? It's Lemmings. Addictive "one more go" gameplay makes this an ease to pick up and have a go of. The levels being well balanced to make you think but not have you stuck for hours (at least early on). Not personally in my top games as I'm not one for puzzle games really but I can see why it got as big as it did and why people would love it. Fun puzzler. The thinking man's Worms.

Lionheart

Couldn't really decide what I thought of this game. The graphics are decent but never blew me away the same way SoTB 1 or Ruff N Tumble did, the music is average and the controls pretty bizarre but somehow as a game it works in a bubble as a pretty decent little action platformer. Despite the combat being wonky the game made it work pretty smoothly, the platforming was well done and it's not really like anything I've played before. Had Psygnosis wrote all over it without being a Psygnosis game.
Some better music and a little more restraint with the combat and this is pretty much a solid Castlevania game but it falls just shy of reaching those highs.

Myth

Sadly another game on my "Can't work out what to do" pile. Interesting concept and nice to look at, it has pretty smooth platforming but bravely decides to use the James Pond 3 combat system of holding attack and then pressing the direction to hit that way. It wasn't bad by any means but I could not figure out where to go. If I went up top there was a dragon with no obvious hitbox for either my fireballs or sword to hit, and if I went the lower patch there was a jump with an invisible wall that you can't make.
Overall like Second Samurai this is decent but I just got stuck.

Robocop

Please be honest with me, does the Amiga have a bunch of infuriatingly hard games or am I just bad at them? This was a fantastic little run and gun (more of a slow walk than run) that I could not do the first level of. ED209 rocks up and just blasts you. He walks right across the screen and he gives damage if you touch him. I had a handful of goes and tried moving far left, walking through him, shooting him, everything. He wouldn't die and I was too slow to outrun him so I'd just die repeatedly.
It's a fun game and well presented but how do I finish the first level? It's nuts.

Cadaver

For reasons I can only assume being that it was one of their first games, this is the worst Bitmap Brothers game I've played so far. It's not awful for the type of game it is but holding it to the standard they've produced so far it just didn't have much going for it. The first sin being a forgettable title screen which BB usually knock out the park. 
Never been a huge fan of isometric controls and the menu system is a bit all over the place. Looks fairly decent though and not a bad games by any means. Just not my sorta thing.

None of these games have entered my top 5 but I can see why Dune II and Lemmings would be in other people's as they're pretty fantastic for what they are. I'm probably going to go back to Robocop and Myth at some point and try to figure them out. SoTB2 nose dives to the bottom of the pile much to my own disappointment. Still can't get over that Turrican II soundtrack. Wow.

For Robocop stand far left of screen and hammer fire whilst jumping up and down. Try and save 3 way shots, jump the bullets and voila. You can also hit him off screen too which helps. 

It's a hard game, notoriously so but appears to be easier on the home versions. https://robocoparchive.com/games/atari-amiga-r1.htm

C64 version was bloody hard too. It's definitely not you. Hopefully will get a crack at the arcade version later in the week as it's been a while. 

Shame that Myth and Cadaver didn't work out, definitely enjoying the write ups though. 

1 hour ago, Egg Shen said:

yeh i did too! i went to the Newport show. I remember buying a Symposium beanie at the show 😄 then not quite understanding how everyone loved Reef so much. I went on to quite like Reef, they just didn't do it for a young Egg.

Reef are an odd one, some hate them, others grow to like them as your good self, and some have been diehards since Naked on the Sony Minidisc ad. They flit between heavy and melodic. 

Take 'Together' off Replenish and then something like 'Levels' off Getaway and then 'Talk To Me' off the Together, best off/5 record 

Revelation is a cracking album too, 'Precious Metal' being very Led Zep inspired. 

Got about a billion free Symposium stickers at that gig. No idea why. 

Caught Drew Dixon recently, loving the bluesy country fusion too