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Glenryck Pilchards

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Posts posted by Glenryck Pilchards

  1. I cannot confirm or deny that I clogged up the toilet at a Ladbrokes in the North East of England this morning. 

    Also, I can't believe no one has seen the hidden in plain sight message yet.

  2. Since the bastards at Tesco discontinued my favourite instant coffee (Lavazza Prontissimo Intenso if you are curious), I ventured to Morrisons, which is not my usual supermarket of choice. After picking up three tins of my wake-up juice, I headed over to the 'Whoopsed' fridge to see if there were any interesting discounted items, and I was not disappointed. Amongst the usually heavily discounted plant-based ready meals and Pukka pies, my eyes stumbled across a box of joy. It was as if Mr. W.M Morrison was directly challenging me. Challenge accepted Mozza. 

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    This box of wonder contained four sausages, four rashers of bacon, four pucks of black pudding, and Bloody Mary ketchup (which was promptly discarded). Without hesitation, I placed the box in my basket and headed straight to the tinned section to get some baked beans and chopped tomatoes. Unfortunately, when I returned home the other half stole the tinned tommies for a pasta sauce. 

    The next day despite having a use-by date of the previous day, the three breakfast kings passed the sniff test and I grabbed my trusty Fry-up-omatic 5000 from the bottom of the pan cupboard which has not been used for a couple of years.

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    It quickly became apparent that there would not be enough cooking surface in my all-in-one pan, so I whacked the sausages in the oven and opted to only have two pucks of blood sausage, with the dog the lucky recipient of the other two. I opted for two fried eggs and no fry-up is complete without two slices of fried bread along with a pint of coffee.   

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    I was completely stuffed by the end of it and I didn't require any lunch. The sausages were surprisingly good, whilst the bacon was a little bit thin for my tastes, but overall a very satisfying breakfast. 

    1433ab0?filename=1679563225540_Brekkie4.

     

  3. When I was a tiny pilchard, I danced around the living room like a maniac to Michael Jackson and in my parents infinite wisdom they took a nearly 3 year old Glen to Roundhay Park, Leeds for the 1988 Bad tour.

    I only have vague recollections of the day, but I do remember dancing to Kim Wilde who supported and I remember Jackson was introduced by Jimmy Saville who proclaimed "Welcome to my back garden." Apparently there is footage of me bopping away in the Yorkshire TV archive, but nothing has surfaced. My one clear memory of the day was when Jacko was performing Thriller and was wearing a scary mask and swung on a rope over the crowd and toddler me shat themselves figuratively and literally which gave me nightmares for weeks. In retrospect I really should report my parents to Social Services.

    Not counting the 'nappy nights' (under 18's club nights) where I unwittingly seen Clock, Ann Lee and Hepburn at Club M, my first gig I paid money for was the 2003 NME Tour at Northumbria University which featured The Thrills, Interpol, The Polyphonic Spree and The Datsuns. The Polyphonic Spree were absolutely amazing and I couldn't believe how many musicians they could fit on the stage and I was particularly enamoured with the guitarist who turned out to be St. Vincent. The Datsuns then rocked the place out and it was my first experience of a mosh pit and crowd surfing. Halfway through the set I could see what I thought at the time was a girl crowd-surfing about to plunge head first on to the floor and I instinctively caught them and set them back on their feet and it turned out to be a bloke with limited stature. He then gestured to me to launch them back to the front and I happily obliged throwing the little fella back on top of the surf. My mate turned to me and said "You do realise that was Tim DeLaughter from the Polyphonic Spree?" I had no idea!

    I have been to numerous great gigs over the years, The Rapture at The Old Blue Last, The Cure at Hammersmith Apollo and MGMT at V Festival, but the best gig I have been to was The Libertines at The Arena nightclub in Middlesbrough. It was originally advertised as a Pete Doherty acoustic set but word got around that it was going to be a full set by The Libertines. They were incredible and there was 300 people packed into the venue. I was an early adopter of a smartphone and I had a Motorola phone which had a stylus, so after the gig I approached Doherty and asked him to sign my phone. But every time I passed the phone over to him my mother kept ringing to find out where I was, which set off an Inbetweeners-type moment where I yelled "fuck off!" to my ma. I eventually got the signature on my phone. 

    Without doubt the worst gig I been to was The Fratellis at Middlesbrough Empire in 2006 who were absolute garbage. They were out of tune and appeared to be drunk. After the show I vented to a friend of a friend saying they were the worst thing I have seen live and she was in full agreement with me. We continued talking for the rest of the night and one thing lead to another and we have been together ever since. 

  4. The results are in and for the first time ever we have an undisputed champion. But before we get to that here how the scores were tabulated

     

    Men's Scores

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    I won't bore you with a complete breakdown of the scores, but I will run through the contentious points. As Rey Mysterio did not make it to the ring I gave them -10 for the Luke award and I have awarded Dominik the elimination points for not allowing papi to compete. The four other recipients of the Luke award was Baron Corbin, Elias, Booker T and Montez Ford. 

    Speaking of Ford he made a double whammy of negative points by pointing to the Wrestlemania sign and was eliminated within sixty seconds of entering the ring, scoring a dismal -27 points. Santos Escobar also received -20 points for launching from the top rope into the arms of Brock Lesnar and was promptly dumped out on their head/back. 

    The jackpot numbers for the Men's Rumble was 1, 2, 9, 15 and 30. No one selected those numbers. 

    Women's Scores

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     The three NXT wrestlers gained 10 points for a guest appearance, but Indie Hartwell decimated those points by pointing to the Wrestlemania sign and eliminated shortly after by attempting a springboard and gained the 'Stupid Idiot' award to get -30 points, which I believe is a new record for a negative score. Michelle McCool, Nia Jax and Chelsea Green were also awarded 10 points, but Green ended up on a duck egg after being tossed after five seconds. 


    There was more pointing in the Women's Rumble than a Spiderman meme. Liv Morgan, Nikki Cross, Zelina Vega, Kai and Sky all pointed to the sign but survived longer than five minutes. Raquel Rodriguez joined Hartwell with a 20 point deduction for pointing and been eliminated in quick succession. 

    The jackpot numbers were 1, 2, 6, 10 and 17 and once again no one had those numbers. 

    Overall Standings

    So with an undisputed champion we might as well cut to the chase to the overall winner....

     

     

     

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    And the undisputed champion is @MC_DEATH! The serial lurker is the first person to win all three standings with their selection of 1, 2, 16, 29 and 30. The 2020 Women's Champion @Callum1993 has to settle for the silver medal, while @Sheffbag picked up third place. Unfortunately @Big'Olympic_Hero'Peteis the recipient of the wooden spoon.

    Men's Standings

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    In the Men's Rumble MC_Death pipped @air_raid for the title and Callum1993 completed the medal collection by grabbing the bronze medal alongside @Harvey Dent. Big Olympic Hero Pete receives a second wooden spoon. 

     

    Women's Rumble

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    Above confirms the trifecta for MC_Death and a second place for @Stinky Dad while Callum1993 gets another third place. 2019 overall champion @Supremo went from penthouse to out-house after scoring a demoralising -22 to grab a wooden spoon. 

    That concludes this year's Rumble Lottery, now where is that unsubscribe button on the Network...

  5. Results will be posted tomorrow evening. I have only had chance to view the Men's Rumble and I am busy today with other commitments.

    It will be no surprise that if you have 1, 2 and 30 in your selections, you are within a shout of winning. Sorry to keep you all on tenterhooks!

  6. All of the entries have now been entered into the Rumblomatic 5000 and a discrepancy has cropped up. 

    @RedRooster and @Onyx2 have both selected 26, 27, 28, 29 and 30. We cannot be having this, so as RedRooster picked these numbers first, this will be honoured. 

    Onyx2 - you have until midnight to send revised numbers, or you will receive a lucky dip courtesy of random.org.

  7. It is that time of year again when I reluctantly purchase the WWE Network to allow the good people of the UKFF to pick some random numbers in the hope of winning the UKFF Rumble Lottery! 

    Below is the list of our past champions:

     

    Hall of Fame

    2011 Lancastrino

    2012 Chilli Dog

    2013 Vince Russo

    2014 Silky Kisser

    2015 Seph

    2016 JohnCarr92 and The Four Horsemen

    2017 Otto Dem Wanz

    2018 Men's: HBK4Life

    2018 Women's: BradyisGod22 

    2018 Overall: Grecian

    2018 Greatest Royal Rumble: Wrasslin

    2019 Men's: Cobra_Gordo

    2019: Women's: Alex Wright Mark

    2019 Overall: Supremo

    2020 Men's: rollthedice

    2020 Women's: Callum1993

    2020 Overall: Harry Wiseau

    2021: Women: PSF

    2021: Men: WeeAl

    2021: Overall: PSF

    2022: Women: reychampion

    2022: Men: boshealecta

    2022 Overall: boshealecta

    As usual, all you need to do is reply to this thread and pick FIVE numbers between 1 and 30. These numbers will be used for both Rumbles. All you need to do is sit back, relax and cheer on your selections to amass enough points to be crowned champion, while I frantically fanny around with an Excel spreadsheet. Each selection will be allocated points as below;

    The Top 5

    Winner - 50 points
    Runner-up (last eliminated) - 35 points
    3rd - 25 points
    4th - 15 points
    5th - 10 points

    Survivor award; the most time spent in the ring
    1st longest - 20 points
    2nd longest - 18 points
    3rd longest - 16 points
    4th longest - 14 points
    5th longest - 12 points


    Your wrestler eliminates another: 3 points

    The Bushwhacker Luke award; If your wrestler is eliminated within 60 seconds of entering the ring you are deducted 10 points.

    Skinning the Cat Award - If your wrestler skins the cat and returns to the ring you will gain five points. However, if they get eliminated whilst attempting it or within three seconds of returning to the ring, they will be deducted ten points for being a dickhead.

    The Tiffany Award - If your wrestler is in the ring on their todd (after entrant number two enters the ring) then they will receive six points. It is possible for your wrestler to score more than once. Obviously, the winner is not included in this.

    The "You Stupid Idiot" Award - Renamed after Chris Jericho who did this in 2017, if your wrestler volunteers to climb the top rope but then gets knocked off and eliminated you lose 20 points.

    The "Well We Weren't Expecting You!" Award - If your pick is a WWE Hall of Famer or someone who is not a member of the active wrestling roster you will gain 10 points. (My decision will be final if the person qualifies for this award)

    The Double Bubble Award: If your selection competed earlier on the card they will gain 5 points


    The "In Like a House on Fire" Award: If your entrant eliminates someone within 60 seconds of entering the ring they will get an additional four points as well as the normal elimination bonus. 

    Hat Trick Heaven: If your pick is a member of an active tag team or stable you will get 3 points. If they are in the Rumble at the same time as a fellow group member it will be doubled to 6 points and if they are three members or more it will be doubled once again to 12 points. (It will be capped at three members)

    New For 2023 - The Wrestlemania Sign Points - If your competitor points to the Wrestlemania sign during the Rumble, they will receive 5 points. If they point to it and are dumped out within five minutes they will lose 20 points. 

    Before you post your selections please read these rules to help me out:

    1. Make sure you only pick FIVE numbers from 1 to 30
    2. Make sure they are in numerical order
    3. If you fail to adhere to these rules I will make you look like a chump.

    Please make your selection by 3PM, Saturday 27th January. 

    My selection is 2,6,11,24 and 28

     

    Good luck!

  8. Last night I dreamt that The Rock broke the world record for the world's longest uninterrupted fart for an incredible four minutes, beating the previous record set by Andre The Giant in the 1980's who clocked in an impressive 3.31.

    After waking up I immediately looked up to see what the actual record is and of course it is Mr Methane with 2.46. 

    A few nights ago I had a dream I was in a hotel room and the Big Show and Chris Jericho walked in complaining of constipation. I suggested to them why don't they take grip of each other's troublesome loaves and have a 'tod of war' which cracked up Y2J to no end. 

    I need help. 

     

     

  9. 16 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

    Apparently Spurs have agreed a fee for Djed Spence. Only seen him play twice.

    Forest and Boro fans, what are we getting?

    No bitterness from me, He is in the TAA mould and will provide plenty of assists to Kane and Son but can be slow to get back into defence. 

    The reason he was shipped out on loan was a bust up with Warnock. I wish him the best and I am just glad his breakout season has hid the emergence of Isiah Jones who I think offers more. 

    Going back to the Dutch trialling kick-ins I would like to see them go one further and bring the advertising hoardings as the touchline at hip height and players are actively encouraged to bump their opponents over the top. Also one-twos 5-a-side style would be cool.

  10. 1 hour ago, PunkStep said:

    And then you have flares. When did these suddenly appear?? I have barely seen any in this country until a couple of months ago, where almost every game results with flares thrown into the pitch. Couple this with the awful crowd problems at the Euros final and things are going backwards over here again. 

    It stems further back than the Euro final unfortunately. In the Championship and lower leagues there has been an issue with flares and smoke bombs for more than ten years.

    I was in the away end for Doncaster Vs Middlesbrough in 2011 and someone set off a flare when Boro scored. It caused another fan to have an asthma attack and was carted off in an ambulance. Someone asked him what he was doing (well it was actually more like "wor yer fuckin doin yer whopper?") and he responded "No pyro, no party!" and was clearly coked off his tits. 

    I have not gone to an away match in a while now due to the nobhead squadron cladded in black Stone Island coats and think that they are 80's hooligans after watching Football Factory and Green Street. Cocaine is one contributing factor but also the policing of games doesn't help. The police use overhanded methods which cause fans to kick off. 

    I used to enjoy going to away games and drink with the home fans for gentle ribbing and wish each other luck for the season. That isn't possible now unfortunately. 

     

  11. Grandmaster Gareth from Misty's Big Adventure has taken his own life. I am gutted about this, I was a fan of the band when I was at university having discovered them thanks to my flatmate. I never got round to seeing them live but I loved their surrealism and absurdity they posted on social media. I will be listening to the back catalogue tomorrow at work.  

     https://www.facebook.com/mistysbigadventure

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