Memories of E-Feds

[IANdrewDiceClay]

I'm sure we all at one point Fedded up during wrestlings boom period. Many a night on dial up were spent going for the Extreme Hardcore Championship Wrestling Federation Alliance Intercontindental TV title. Whats your stories of how mental they were?

 

One time we all had an e-fed at school (the wrestling fans of course, not the lads who had lasses), and me and my mate (who occassionally posts here as Mickfan) broke the rule of e-fedding with your pals and we 'jumped' one of our mates who was portraying the role of Tazz, who was heading his own stable called THE POWER UNION! I was Scott Hall and my mate was Mankind, and together we were the Impact Players (no idea why we were called that to be fair). So we gave him a good kicking after we got out our the limo (limos were big in the early 2000s). We hit him with the Razors Edge on the bonnet and all sorts. Away from the computer, this lad got legit pissed off about it believe it or not. He was in a right mood the following day. During IT I checked the E-fed board, and in reply to it was "then Tazz gets up and says 'what was that supposed to be, like' and chokes out the both of them. Tazz gets Scott Hall's spray paint and writes 'you have just been choked out, signed the Power Union' on Hall's back." Even to this day I've no idea how he was supposed to write that on his back. He must be a master spraypaint artist or he was using a biro. The thing about e-fedding in the early days was that it would easily become a pissing contest. If you did something, they could just say "NO SELL and Tazz leaves him with a broken neck and dead" and you could come back with "results show he isnt dead and is infact going for the World title on Sunday". It was hard to maintain control.

 

So we smelt a bit of blood on that front. Being childish bastards we decided it would be fun to tease him about it. Mickfan had a file which he would read when we were going for our dinner and loudly read next to our mate stuff like "I think Tazz deserves another kicking tonight" even though there wasnt anything wrestling related in the file. Once, when the initial heavyweight champion was crowned, we tried to pull a political power play as sad as that sounds. Me and two mates went up to the lad running it and said "you cant let Tazz will the belt mate. He's already being a smart arse because he beat Bob Holly in a barbed wire match". The way you won the belt, you see the lad in charge was pulling names out of a hat on this one occassion to see who the first champion was. And it came down to this lad, who we liked winding up, in the final. He won as well Small pleasures of youth, was to wind up your mate about a pretend wrestler giving a text related beatdown to another wrestler that isnt real over a message board ran wrestling promotion. After Tazz got his push taken away in mid-2000, the mate switched wrestlers. Remember when Billy Gunn returned to the WWF after shoulder surgury? Well our mate jumped right on that gravy train and started role playing as the soon to be renamed "The One" Billy Gunn. Again, this only prompted a good hiding from Da Bad Guy and The Hardcore Legend. This time Mankind went out there on his own (just to prove he didnt need 'me' to help him. What was worth noting was we were writing this in our school library and our mate was a few computers away from us. We hardly waited a minute before clicking refresh and we looked at him stone faced typing away. When we refreshed the screen there was a message entitled "Mr. Ass" under our attack post. This lad lost it. His reply wasnt even wrestling verbage. He went full on Mackem and wrote "and Billy Gunn just gets up and smacks Foley all over and says 'get up now you fat fucking scruff. You cant can you because your fucking to fat'". We were only doing it by this point because we were on the wind up. Scott Hall had long since cared about bar bell curls and good looking girls and all the things that came with being the EHCWFA champ.

 

Anyone else got any e-fed related stories?

[PowerButchi]

No-one fucks with Mr Great Gazz Maybury

 

(Its hard being a Badass. A true Badass is hard to find. EFO has 5. FIVE. Thats not one, not two, not forty seven either, but five. A Badass needs badass tastes in Music. As we can see. Gazz is back in Wrexham, Wales. Luckily Wrexham is only 40 miles from Manchester, which is bloody convenient. It means he can stay at his mams. He can, but he doesnt. Instead he has taken out a Room at the two star hotel, the Wynnstay in Ruabon, right by the Bridge End. Two Star hotels tend to be total and utter wank, and this place is no exception, and it charges £60 a night for a room. The Cunts. You cant get a drink there after 10:30pm because they are shitboxes, but luckily tonight is All you can drink for a tenner at the Tivoli rock club. So hes gone there.)

Gazz: A true badash drinksh Shtella whensh avaiaiaiailaby.

 

(Cue obligatory fit piece of arse, Gazz almost instantly sobers, wets his hair back and goes over to her)

 

Gazz: Hello my fine friend. My names Gareth, your name is?

 

Bird: Nicearse McRomper

 

Gazz: Great, now we know each other, fancy a shag.

 

(Its morning)

 

Gazz: FRED! FRED! FRED!

 

(Fred runs into the room)

 

Fred: whats the matter?

 

Gazz: Sod all, I just had a fine piece of arse last night.

 

Fred: You shouldnt do this before big matches.

 

Gazz: Its exercise for my legs, and pelvic regions. And it keeps me on my toes. Ive learned so many painful submission moves that way.

 

Fred: What would the rest of the EFO say?

 

Gazz: I told Karl, he thinks its badass, and I told him you touched his sisters arse, hes going to twat you silly.

 

Fred: But I didnt!

 

Gazz: But you did in my mind Fred. In my mind. And my mind is so powerful its going to cause you physical pain. Lots of it. Ever been castrated?

 

Fred: No.

 

Gazz: You can tell me what its like. And I wont have it done to me. Lets compare and contrast. You get kicked in the bollocks for talking to women. Correct?

 

Fred: *Sheepish* Yes

 

Gazz: I get hot pork prod rodding action. See, thats what you get for being Charming, good looking, muscular, and a great liar.

 

Fred: Why do you need to lie?

 

Gazz: I dont. But in my youth I used to tell them I was a fireman, as soon as they heard that they were weak at the knees and soggy at the crotch.

 

Fred: Christ, you are the king of Charm.

 

Gazz: Obviously. I have Sex. Regularly. You masturbate 17 times a day. Dont think I havent heard your 10 seconds of glory. You are 808 pounds, and if you do it again in my toilet, Ill rip your face off.

 

Fred: It was a large turd!

 

Gazz: No Fred, YOU are a large turd. Not a sexy finely bearded badass like me, with the finest hair in the Global area. One person did have better hair.

 

Fred: Who?

 

Gazz: None other than my opponent this week. Kai Scott. His Mullet was the reason the sun came up in the morning at one point, but he just couldnt cut it. Literally, he couldnt. There was an injunction upon his head. So he just put it back into a ponytail.

 

Fred: Why do all Wrestlers have long hair?

 

Gazz: None of your business, twatbag. Go and have sex with the Shampoo bottle *Chuckle*

 

Fred: That was never proven.

 

Gazz: *deadly serious* What?!

 

Fred: Shit. Erm.. Anyway. Kai Scott, can you defeat him.

 

Gazz: Nice change of Subject, shithead. Yeah, I can, this will be a great week for EFO. The Prodigies will crush the dominators, and by the time Im finished Mr Scott will wear a Training Bra and call himself Kara. Hes such an arse, I tell you. And therell be no funny stuff, I have Kickass Karl Pace in my corner. And dude, hes angry, mainly because Ive been telling lies about you to him, and hes going to stomp you down, but I may persuade him to focus all his efforts on the Andrews Foundation.

 

Fred: How Much?

 

Gazz: Fifty Quid!

 

(Fred hands over fifty pounds)

 

Gazz: HAHAHAHA! I was lying. I didnt say ANYTHING, and now youve given me £50.

 

Fred: Can I have it back?

 

Gazz: #### off! Not happening, dicksplash. Penis Features. Wetpants!

 

Fred: That was an accident.

 

Gazz: You still pissed yourself.

 

Fred: You know I get excited.

 

Gazz: It was the last episode of Friends. I ought to kick your arse just for watching it. Actually I think I will!

 

Fred: Thirty Pounds?

 

Gazz: Done.

 

(Fred hands over £30)

 

Gazz: Our partnership is profitable for the both of us. I get rich, and you dont get your arse kicked! Im protecting you from violence!

 

Fred: Violence from you!

 

Gazz: Dont be cheeky or the protection money shall turn into menaces money. And you do not want that, believe me.

 

Fred: Sorry.

 

Gazz: So you should be. But its ok, because at Shockwave, live from Manchester, England, The Prodigy Brothers will continue their awesome run as Tag team champions, Kickass Karl Pace will do just that, and I will continue my Journey to the IWA heavyweight title. You arent a believer, trust me, as of this week, you will be. Kai? Get ready ####wit, G-Force is gaining steam, and this week, you are just another Roadbump to drive over. See you at the show.

 

(Since the IWA formed there has been a core of people who have never left for longer than a few months, always stayed true to the company, and done what they were told, theyd loyally stand by IWA. They are the Class of 2001. Heidi, Jeffy, Delicious, Taranis, Kai and Gazz had pretty much always been in the IWA or thereabouts. They always did what was best by the company, and all had cushy road agent jobs at some point. Then things changed. EFO, The Andrews Foundation, SeX. Now IWA had to be saved from itself, a job Gazz took with Gusto. Despite never being the nicest of people to know, he was lauded backstage and by the Smarks for being a Locker Room Leader. He spat upon all things egotistical and Main event. He hated Power plays by large factions. Hence EFO, they were formed to stop Stables gaining coups upon power. SeX is on its last legs, thats no worry now. Red Axis was never anything you could call a power, but the Andrews Foundation? Thats different altogether. Four of the greatest wrestlers in IWA history banding together. Well, thats dangerous.

Gazz is one of the few people standing against them with a position of power. None of the Andrews Foundation have a major title. Gazz does. Gazz has always been an arsehole, harsh, abrasive, Shouty and coarse. Yet although he is hard, he is fair. Very fair, he knows that he is the little guy done good. Thats why the Andrews Foundation make his blood boil. Most powerful entity in Wrestling, and they are being real pricks. This week he gets to wrestle Kai Scott, they arent new to each other, but have only ever met once. Also the guest referee is his opponent at the upcoming Pay Per View in gazz home nation of wales, Llewellyn yr Penaig. Where does Llew stand? For all Gazz knows, hes a dicksplash in a Andrews Foundation t-shirt himself.

 

So that brings us to Gazz, as per usual, the height of fashion in an awful Hawaiian shirt, shorts and white Moccasins. Fred is with us too, in this little pub.)

 

Fred: Aye sir, you could get quite Royally ####ed up the arse, I say, Arse by this sir.

 

Gazz: Are you aware of how much help you are Fred? Well, let me tell you, not ####ing much, you shithead. Are you aware how much pressure I am under here? Well, let me tell you, a ####ing shitload. Ive never done the big match, never, well, never done it and won, other than Jack Cross and Loki, but I had a partner. And moreover, its two against one. Two against one. Not officially, but it may as well be. Llew wants me cripped for the Welsh show.

 

Fred: I say, though, I say, they arent getting on themselves.

 

Gazz: Yeah but thats bollocks Fred, and you know it, Im ####ing screwed. EFO cant even help me, because the Andrews Foundation and SeX will be about somewhere. Im the most hated man in the ####ing IWA!

 

Fred: Cheer up.

 

Gazz: No. No I wont ####ing cheer up.

 

Fred: I can cheer you up!

 

Gazz: Women? #### YEAH!

 

 

Fred: Not quite

 

Gazz: BARRY ####ING WINDHAM!!! WHAT A SWANK WHOMPASS MOFO!

 

Fred: Same Lines.

 

Gazz: NOT ####ING FIT FINLAY! I LOVE YOU!

 

Fred: Youll love me more when you see him. Introducing

 

GLORIOUSLY PRETTY PRECIOUS YOUNG STALLION PAUL ROMA!

 

 

Gazz: You invited him again? For ####s sake. Hes a ####ing cunty twat.

 

Roma: Hey #### you.

 

Gazz: Witty Retort. Fartybreath.

 

Roma: #### you, get me some cake.

 

Gazz: We havent cake.

 

Roma: Get me some cake, I can have you killed.

 

Gazz: If I get you some cake, will you #### off?

 

Roma: Yes.

 

Gazz: Right. Hang on, this is a pub, You dont get cake in a pub.

 

Roma: What a shit pub.

 

Gazz: Better than your pub.

 

Roma: I dont have a pub.

 

Gazz: Well then.

 

Roma: Wheres your pub then?

 

Gazz: Were in it.

 

Roma: Oh.

 

Gazz: Exactly.

 

Roma: Twat

 

Gazz: #### off..

 

 

 

 

Fred, your idea of cheering me up isnt working, in fact its making me want to kick a certain person in the face until he stops twitching.

 

Roma: Whos that?

 

*Cue look of Death from Gazz*

 

Roma: Who?

 

Roma: Who!? Tell me!??

 

Roma: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?????????

 

 

(We cut to Gazzs living room)

 

Fred: You didnt have to kill him though.

 

Gazz: I cant stand a pester. A shithead Pesterer to boot. Ive the toughest match of my career coming up, and you are ####ing inviting shitheads to my house and pub. Ones who you know I dont like, but you seem to think theyll cheer me up. Well, thats just a lie itself. They are your friends, and you know I dont like them and thus will not have them in my house! So you make excuses so that they are helping me so they can come here, and they end up getting hurt. I dont even like you fred, I only keep you about because *mumble mumble*

 

Fred: What?

 

Gazz: I said *mumble mumble*

 

Fred: Pardon?

 

Gazz: YOU ARE THE REASON IM OVER! HAPPY NOW?

 

Fred: Aye, I knew what you said but its good to hear you shout it, especially seeing as I was recording on a Dictaphone.

 

Gazz: You wanker. Anyway. No more friends.

 

Fred: I better phone Noel Wanker Edmonds then.

 

Gazz: What? He can #### off for starters, that shitface. He looks too gay to be involved. And I need to look tough and hard this week. Cavorting with Noel Edmonds would not make he look hard, especially seeing as his one line of conversation is about masturbation.

 

Fred: So hes not invited then?

 

Gazz: No. Never again.

 

Fred: But he was over!

 

Gazz: And it was *my* heat he stole.

 

Fred: Thats a lie really isnt it?

 

Gazz: YES!!!!!!!

[PowerButchi]

(Our scene opens to see a rickety old car flying down a suburban street. It's a very nice street, gated, posh, that kind of thing. Certainly not the kind of place you'd see a rusty red Ford Fiesta (1989 edition) thrashing it about, blasting out

[Loki]

... I was 29.

[Tony B. Liar]

The first time I had EVER logged onto the internet was when we got AOL at home. I didn't realise you could go off the AOL interface.

There was a wrestling section on there and someone AIM'd me to ask if I wanted to join their fed. I felt a strange feeling of guilt, surprise and worry, as if he had asked me to join an underground death match league. I didn't realise you had to put any effort in, so just left it, only to find out 2 weeks later I had won both of my matches. I was ridiculously happy to have won, it felt like I had actually won something meaningful in life. I even told my mum.

 

I kept with it, and gained understanding of feeds and the internet as a whole. I joined a few and would spend hours writing in depth promos. My friend Coppell would go on to out do me, writing (surprisingly interesting) 3 page + essays.

 

Coppell had been told he would win the IC belt, but didn't, which led to him leaving and us creating our own efed. JKWA. (its still active sadly) We somehow managed to bag free .net and .co.uk addresses I for the life of me have no idea how we got them.

 

We had about 100 people from year 8 9 and 10 in the league.

We used an online form maker to create a HIRE THE APA and Buy a weapon for your match option. Which was similar to a free-mium pay to play option, only we didn't charge a penny. (i think we would of made a fortune thinking back)

 

After 6 months of good work, he decided to declare war on our previous fed, which hadn't given him a belt, and started spamming their board night after night. They returned the favour and I lost interest.

 

Was good fun whilst it lasted.

[xear]

I still follow e-fedding but I'm on a break from taking part in it. I know people in http://www.newchampionshipwrestling.com/

[Your Fight Site]

I remember coming across e-feds on MSN Groups when I was about 12

[ColinBollocks]

I was in a couple. I was Hardcore Holly (I was his biggest fan in 2000/01) in an MSN one. I spent most of my time trying to become mates with the guy running it, on Messenger, so he'd give me titles and I wouldn't have to be good at roleplay. It worked and he was going to make old Hardcore Holly WWF Champion, but then my mate joined with his mammoth RPs (my stupid idea) and he won the three way (he was added because he was so good) at the Survivor Series. After booting down his door, Kevin Nash-style he made me Intercontintal Champion and Tag Team champion, with my mate. We never lost those tag belts thanks to him being good and me pretending to be mates with the dude that ran the thing.

 

The other one was short lived. My wrestler was called Ricky Rage, again I became mates with the guy that ran it via Messenger and he made me the leader of his nWo knock-off, The Main Event (I wanted to call us The Untouchables). Folk started moaning about my spot (I wasn't very good) and I left.

 

I also helped run a couple. One was called WWF: Dream Fed, we had a lot of people involved then my internet bill didn't get paid and it quickly died. The other involved me making silly posters etc. for it.

[Richie Freebird]

I had a shot on a very short lived and really small time one about 4 years ago. There were probably less than 20 people in it, and there were no dead strict times where you had to be on the internet or you get booted out. I portrayed the Sandman and did a series of backstage beat downs and fucked up promos. It was quite fun, from a creativity point of view. It only lasted about a month though and then it just died. I had one match for the number one contendership for the Hardcore strap, won it, but never got round to having the championship contest.

 

I haven

[mim731]

I was part of something called the XFWL, all created characters, it started on the old 1wrestling/Apter boards and we migrated to our own forum, we had a booker who wrote a lot of the shows, we would submit interviews/promos/character ideas, and we'd organise our feud creatively between the involved parties, before submitting the to our booker, Joe. It was really fun, went for a good couple of years! Shame it all fell away after a few keyboard warriors ruined the friendly atmosphere and the guy who hosted the site dumped it. Shame though, I think there's still an archive somewhere, was a really fun, cooperative concept.

[Slapnut]

I made one in about 2002 but "sold" it a few months afterwards. I carried on playing for a while after and, to my amazement, it's still actually going today. I left because there was this annoying bunch of cunts, led by a girl playing John Cena, who bitched and moaned for ages everytime they lost a match. I happened to find the website for it not too long ago and found out that this girl is STILL the champion as John Cena.

 

I had this brilliant partnership with my character named "Dude" (I was 12...) and Chris Benoit, and I still fondly remember when Chris Benoit became owner of the "company" and I was amazed by his desk, only to get really pissed off when, in a no holds barred match, he powerbombed some bloke through it.

 

I wasted so much of my youth on this.

[Fatty Facesitter]

I remember one called BRW (Bloody Raw Wrestling) which used to have some really good write ups. Additionally, because of the nature of e-fedding you get a few epople who quit, but here when someone gives up a character, they effectively keep it on hold until someone else takes up the role, then they revert back to storylines. They were really good at keeping up with continuity.

 

I've been on a couple. I even had a stab at one last year while I was doing a character writing assignment for a film character at Uni. It was a good way to keep the creative juices flowing and whatnot.

 

I took on JBL and somehow I wound up getting into a Hardcore title feud with someone playing Tommy Dreamer. If I won the title, I was going to rename it the New York Heavyweight Championship and made a big deal out of refusing to defend the belt in anything resembling a hardcore setting, i.e I'd go batshit if someone so much as eye-poked me or pulled my hair, that kinda thing. I eventually won it, but I quit soon after. It was fun from a nostalgic point of view, but it's not something I'd ever think of doing again.

 

Unless Ian starts some kind of uber UKFF one or something. There's a fair few on here who'd make for good fantasy bookers and the like as well.

[Van Dammer]

I ran one after taking part in some decent ones and I can say that it was bloody hard work but also really educating. We had around 25 top members who would write massive essays as promos and rewarded whoever we thought was the best writer. We would write all PPV matches (once a month) out in full (about 8 matches) and it would take us hours and we would use one of those programs that generates matches for you for our TV shows. It was also really good for learning about website building, e had a really decent, glossy website and would spend hours making PPV mini sites and creating banners and show posters etc. In the end I got to about 14 I guess and just lost interest and spent my internet time on porn instead. It was called the EWF by the way, no idea if it still has any life on the internet anywhere.

[KFR42]

Ah yes, I remember being in an efed. I had my own little 3 person stable although I can't for the life of me remember what they were called. I think my main character was called Myst. But I was hopeless at roleplaying and writing promos, so more and more I started adding comedy skits around the promo. Like I would have fake TV shows or tv show paradies which were on before the wrestling show. Like one week I had an episode of postman pat where Pat was driven to destruction so he ended it all by driving his van off the end of the animators table.

 

I also had a sub character who wasn't actually a wrestler. He was called Dave the wannabe wrestler who was basically this guy who was desperate to get into thefed, but couldn't get signed, so he tried all these hair-brained schemes to get in. His catchphrase was "..I'll be back. And do you know why? Because *something different each week*, but also cos I'm Dave, hear me roar". He eventually got a contract but then got run over in the car park as he was celebrating. In fact, Dave was so popular with members of the efed that Myst became a main eventer despite his promos being shit.

[rockbus]

I was never into it back in the day. How did it actually work, on a basic level?