Moderators neil Posted March 16, 2011 Moderators Share Posted March 16, 2011 Stewart Lee's perfect routine about Chris Moyles and his books should be watched by everyone. It really is a beautiful thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted March 16, 2011 Author Awards Moderator Share Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) One more today, which means we can head into the Top 20 starting tomorrow. Who will make it?  DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities    21 Steven Gerrard (2009 ranking: did not place)   What's he famous for? Football.  And you think he's a twat because... Handing this one over entirely to Nexus, who voted Gerrard at #1: "Steven Gerrard is a vile person... He is a cheating cunt who dives as much as he can, and he isn't even that good a footballer. Sure, he occasionally hits a great pass that goes forty yards, or a cracking goal from thirty yards, but fuck me, if you count how many he attempts, some of them were bound to go in. He just hits the ball really hard, and hopes. I could do that. Plus, he's a scouser. And is bummed by the media. I fucking hate him... I wish he would just quit football."  Football. Yeah.  Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)? Yes.  And so to summarise, Steven Gerrard is worse than... All those twats who pronounce it "Ing-er-lund" and hang the stupid little flags out of their cars during football tournaments.    And now, before the Top 20 begins tomorrow, your second batch of Nearlytwats who didn't accrue enough votes to make the final list:  Anne Hathaway ("there's something terribly unsettling and plastic about her. Shit actress too." - Mr. Seven), Ant and Dec, Coleen Rooney, Fernando Alonso, Guy Garvey, Jo Brand ("for as long as I can remember she's been the standard-bearer for British comedic mediocrity" - opcws), Max Clifford, Piers Morgan, Richard Madeley ("His stints sitting in for Chris Evans on Radio 2 have rendered Steve Coogan's best-known creation useless, because cringeworthy DJing is now beyond parody" - Fog Dude), Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Millican, and Sarah Palin ("I've yet to find a redeeming quality in this woman... that tweet after the shooting in Arizona made my blood boil. A vile human being." - Dead Mike).    Tomorrow: #s 20 - 18! SUPERZOMG! Edited March 16, 2011 by HarmonicGenerator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Frankie Crisp Posted March 16, 2011 Awards Moderator Share Posted March 16, 2011 "Steven Gerrard is a vile person... He is a cheating cunt who dives as much as he can, and he isn't even that good a footballer. Sure, he occasionally hits a great pass that goes forty yards, or a cracking goal from thirty yards, but fuck me, if you count how many he attempts, some of them were bound to go in. He just hits the ball really hard, and hopes. I could do that. Plus, he's a scouser. And is bummed by the media. I fucking hate him... I wish he would just quit football." No problems if you think he's a twat, but surely the whole 'knocked the fuck out of a bloke and got off with it whilst his mates all got done' is a more valid reason than the quite frankly ludicrous statement that he's not a good footballer? Sure, he's not what he was, but to say he just hits long-range passes and shots? Come on Nexus. You're being silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 Someone voted for Sarah Millican?? I'm glad she didn't make the list as I would've been seriously upset with that addition. How she could be in anyone's top ten when there's 3 people in JLS & numerous 'Big Brother' contestants is beyond me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 ^ Come on, Mike, I know you're well in with a lot of these stand-ups but most of us are not 'lucky' enough to have met them in real life - therefore we have to go with what we perceive. Sarah Millican is just plain crap and I can fully understand the irritation that John Bishop causes even though I don't mind him. Â "Steven Gerrard is a vile person... He is a cheating cunt who dives as much as he can, and he isn't even that good a footballer. Sure, he occasionally hits a great pass that goes forty yards, or a cracking goal from thirty yards, but fuck me, if you count how many he attempts, some of them were bound to go in. He just hits the ball really hard, and hopes. I could do that. Plus, he's a scouser. And is bummed by the media. I fucking hate him... I wish he would just quit football." No problems if you think he's a twat, but surely the whole 'knocked the fuck out of a bloke and got off with it whilst his mates all got done' is a more valid reason than the quite frankly ludicrous statement that he's not a good footballer? Sure, he's not what he was, but to say he just hits long-range passes and shots? Come on Nexus. You're being silly. Â Yeah, that's plain bollocks. Gerrard is a total twat but any idiot can see he's not a crap player. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Someone voted for Sarah Millican?? I'm glad she didn't make the list as I would've been seriously upset with that addition. How she could be in anyone's top ten when there's 3 people in JLS & numerous 'Big Brother' contestants is beyond me.  Well be upset then  Sarah 'Painfully Unfunny' Millican. Where to start with this, well the voice that cuts through you like being aurally raped by an Ogre with the worst kind of STDs and a stage presence that means if you have to look at her for any length of time your eyes will melt are not bad to start with. Add in that Jo Brand called and wants her act back and is by far the funnier comedienne in this circumstance, you have an amazing tale of someone who easily meets twatlist criteria. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiffingtonClyro Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Sarah Millican looks like a melted version of john merrick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 Sarah Millican is as funny as a burning orphanage and as clever as that "burning orphanage" quip I just made. She reminds me of a women I used to work with who thought she was funny as well, so that goes against her. She's a twat, but she probably just escapes the top 20 for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 If you think she's that unfunny I suggest you watch more comedy. Calling her that is like calling Gerrard 'a shit footballer', fair play you might think he's a twat but is factually incorrect to say he's shit at football. I've never seen her do anything other than absolutely rip gigs, including some 'bear pit' nights filled with pissed up stag partys that other acts would've shit themselves at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 If you think she's that unfunny I suggest you watch more comedy. Calling her that is like calling Gerrard 'a shit footballer', fair play you might think he's a twat but is factually incorrect to say he's shit at football. I've never seen her do anything other than absolutely rip gigs, including some 'bear pit' nights filled with pissed up stag partys that other acts would've shit themselves at. Â I can see your point but I personally don't think you can apply the same criteria. I think anyone who is a fan of football can see quite easily that what Gerrard generally does on the pitch, in between his regular knee high challenges, marks him out as a great player. Â Now there are many players that are not so obviously great and as such have their fans and detractors. To you, Millican should fall into this category instead as enough people think she's rubbish as to suggest she's not immediately amusing that it would be stupid to miss it. Nexus is clearly just a plonker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 Fair play, I'm reluctant to fight her corner too much as I know some of the vitriol I've written about other celebs in the list & am very conscious about my words coming back to bite me in a few pages time  Still, she's a proven talent & I reckon that anyone claiming she's 'painfully unfunny' hasn't seen her do a live set. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GalaxyV.2 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Anne Hathaway ("there's something terribly unsettling and plastic about her. Shit actress too." - Mr. Seven) Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Fair play, I'm reluctant to fight her corner too much as I know some of the vitriol I've written about other celebs in the list & am very conscious about my words coming back to bite me in a few pages time  Still, she's a proven talent & I reckon that anyone claiming she's 'painfully unfunny' hasn't seen her do a live set.  Proven to whom? As has been said there is enough people saying she is unfunny here to suggest all isnt sweetness and light.  Ive seen her on enough things to form an opinion that the world would be a better place if her voicebox was removed to save all the poor dogs who go batshit everytime she speaks I'm not about to subject myself to a live show because she can handle some hecklers. She is painfully unfunny, to some. Cest la Vie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Nexus Posted March 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) I actually forgot to include his assault. Can't believe that. But yes, he's a fucking disgusting human being for getting away with assault. There was a tool in this thread who reckons he hadn't. Â I personally think that Gerrard is overrated and not a good footballer. Xabi Alonso was far superior when they played together at Liverpool, but he was constantly criticised because he "wasn't Gerrard." I don't think Gerrard is a world class footballer. Sure, he has his good games, but for the last few seasons, he's been a shadow of his former self. He gets a lot of a free ride as a player because he occasionally scores an important goal. Â Maybe I just hate scousers. Edited March 16, 2011 by Nexus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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