steve rayson Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Again would like to get some feedback for my short film from the UKFF.  You can watch it right here: http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi1207540505/ or here: http://www.youtube.com/user/HameshShekelFilms?feature=mhum  And if you are an IMDb member, I would really appreciate a sincere vote (1 is for shite - 10 is for fried chicken): http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1810694/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted January 18, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2011 There is some good and bad there, but you need to work on a few things. Â On the plus side, you were telling a story and you told it. You don't need me to tell you that it's an achievement to actually tell a story competently. And you did it competently. Â But, and you've asked for sincerity, you didn't do it well. Â The difference in background sound quality is something you need to work on. It makes it more obvious when you're filming from different angles, and that's a difficult thing, because it makes the viewer very aware that they're watching something that's been filmed at different times because the 'silence' noise varies. You need to do more work on your audio post-production to fix that, and make silence actually mean silence and not just generic background static. Â Your choice of camera angle when he calls John is terrible. It's there primarily to put the phone, the actor and the chessboard in the same shot, but you're sacrificing your actor for that. On top of that, it looks like an office phone. A mobile would have been better. Â Small point, but I don't know anyone that puts out chess pieces like that. I don't play chess as often as I'd like, but nonetheless, when I do, I pick up a handful of pieces (all the same colour if I'm looking) and then put them on the board pretty quickly. Some people may find it as ritualistic as you made it look, but it didn't feel real to me. It felt like something that was being done in order to be photographed. Â Also, you need to script the other side of a phone conversation. The timing felt off, and that - again - made me feel aware that I was watching something that had been filmed and put together. Watch 'Darkplace' to see what you should avoid. Also, when you're setting up a phone call, we don't need to see him wait for it to be picked up. Cut straight in to him reacting to the person picking up. In fact, edit around anything that isn't pushing the story forward. You could have fitted in another phone conversation in the space of all the silence, and that might have been useful. Â Other than that, the plot is good, the actors are doing fine, and it's done fairly well. I'm not being harsh to be a dick - I'm doing it because it comes across as stuff that you can fix, and it'd be bad of me not to mention these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve rayson Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Your choice of camera angle when he calls John is terrible. It's there primarily to put the phone, the actor and the chessboard in the same shot, but you're sacrificing your actor for that. On top of that, it looks like an office phone. A mobile would have been better. Small point, but I don't know anyone that puts out chess pieces like that. I don't play chess as often as I'd like, but nonetheless, when I do, I pick up a handful of pieces (all the same colour if I'm looking) and then put them on the board pretty quickly. Some people may find it as ritualistic as you made it look, but it didn't feel real to me. It felt like something that was being done in order to be photographed.  It is a normal phone you have at every home - why use a mobile at home?  The part with the chess pieces was there to show a strange and a bit disturbed person, seen a few of them in my lifetime and that was my inspiration.  Any way, thanks a lot for the great detailed comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve rayson Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 One more link (because youtube sucks): http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=b25_1295318136 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Eddie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Quite a nice little idea for a film. I liked the music and the main guy was pretty good. The lack of reaction from 'Pizza Guy' let the end down. Â Wanted to see closer shots of the main actor. Didn't see into his eyes for the first minute or so and the whole thing is about getting to know him. Â Interesting stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve rayson Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Thanks. The kinda freezed face of the pizza guy was to show him in total shock and I see now that in the editing room we should have taken a close shot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.