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Men & The Toilet Seat


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#241 Steve Justice

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 02:49 PM

That can happen if you have a slight semi when you sit down or if your knob is so big that it rests on the side of the bowl.


The latter, definetely the latter.

#242 SpiritOfTheForest

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 03:23 PM

http://forum.bodybui...php?t=120921191

Since this thread is full of toilet mishaps, thought I'd share this gem. One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Edit: Shit the pictures don't seem to be working at the moment and it's the pictures that make it.

As for my own weird habits, a trip to the toilet is generally pretty normal: stand to piss, sit on the toilet seat to shit, wipe standing up. The weird thing I do is that I have to put a couple of bits of toilet paper on the seat before I sit on it. I don't even think I'm that paranoid about germs or anything but it's something I've always seemed to do. Anyone else?

Edited by kendo, 08 November 2011 - 03:27 PM.

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#243 Ross

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 03:32 PM

Anyone else cover the water with roll before pooing to avoid splash back?

#244 Halitosis Romantic

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 03:34 PM

Someone was talking about that earlier in the thread - I might give it a try, circumstances meriting.
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#245 Ross

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 03:36 PM

http://forum.bodybui...php?t=120921191

Since this thread is full of toilet mishaps, thought I'd share this gem. One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Edit: Shit the pictures don't seem to be working at the moment and it's the pictures that make it.


I just read that and I haven't laughed so much in ages, I am literally crying (and that's without the pictures)!

#246 Ross

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 03:39 PM

Excessive toilet roll causing blockage is also a problem for me. At a previous place of work I caused flooding of a hallway. Obviously I never admitted it though - "Jesus, who would DO that?!" I said as we discussed it in the office that afternoon.

#247 Silky Kisser

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:01 PM

What's the strangest thing you've ever found in a toilet? I entered trap 3 in work once to find 6 unpeeled Bananas rammed down into the pan. Odd.

#248 Chilly McFreeze

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:07 PM

http://forum.bodybui...php?t=120921191

Since this thread is full of toilet mishaps, thought I'd share this gem. One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Edit: Shit the pictures don't seem to be working at the moment and it's the pictures that make it.


I just read that and I haven't laughed so much in ages, I am literally crying (and that's without the pictures)!


Pee Bottle? What the fuck is that? He could have prevented the whole thing by stop being such a girl and using a public toilet. Who the hell carries bottles of piss around with them?
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#249 Wretch

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:09 PM

I can't be the only one who wants to see those MSPaint pictures.
..then, before i left, i turned around and told the judge "i'm here to state who i am and be honest with you." i said "if they thought i was dangerous on the road like you're trying to accuse me of, wouldn't they have taken my license when i first got it? yes they would. and the judge says "yeah, you have a point," he goes "you don't need to get loud," i said "don't get loud?" i says "i've got every right to get loud." i says "you can't do a god damn thing about it, because i'm expressing myself in your court, and there is nothing you can do about it. you think you're god because you have a robe and you can put people up the god damn river for 20 years? well you're not." and i left it at that...

#250 neil's bitch

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:17 PM

http://forum.bodybui...php?t=120921191

Since this thread is full of toilet mishaps, thought I'd share this gem. One of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

This has made my day. :laugh:

#251 Devon Malcolm

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:21 PM

.

Edited by Gladstone Small, 08 November 2011 - 04:33 PM.

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All we need is Shinji Kagawa....


#252 Wretch

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:23 PM

Nah, none of them working for me, even with a dozen page refreshes.

EDIT: Each link redirects to the same url, http://pic.photobucket.com/bwe.gif

Edited by Wretch, 08 November 2011 - 04:25 PM.

..then, before i left, i turned around and told the judge "i'm here to state who i am and be honest with you." i said "if they thought i was dangerous on the road like you're trying to accuse me of, wouldn't they have taken my license when i first got it? yes they would. and the judge says "yeah, you have a point," he goes "you don't need to get loud," i said "don't get loud?" i says "i've got every right to get loud." i says "you can't do a god damn thing about it, because i'm expressing myself in your court, and there is nothing you can do about it. you think you're god because you have a robe and you can put people up the god damn river for 20 years? well you're not." and i left it at that...

#253 Devon Malcolm

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:27 PM

I'll post a new reply shortly and put them on my account and see if that works.

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#254 Devon Malcolm

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:35 PM

Try again! Click the images for that post linked to above.

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

http://i5.photobucke...sun77/fuuu1.jpg

So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

http://i5.photobucke...un77/fuuuu2.jpg

So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

http://i5.photobucke...un77/fuuuu3.jpg

I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

http://i5.photobucke...un77/fuuuu4.jpg

http://i5.photobucke...sun77/fuuu5.jpg

I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

http://i5.photobucke...sun77/fuuu6.jpg

At that point things get even worse...

http://i5.photobucke...sun77/fuuu7.jpg

The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?


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All we need is Shinji Kagawa....


#255 Deaq

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Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:38 PM

I once took a shit in a service station on the way back from a show where I had been asked to blade on, I was sitting down trying to force a dump out when my butterfly stitches fell on the floor all of a sudden due to the pushing of the poop, my head started bleeding quite bad, I also had a fair bit to drink after the show as well and was getting the crimson mask quite fast. I got the poop out wiped my bum as quick as I could, I threw some bog roll on the floor to mop up the blood. As I walked out the cubicle there was this guy with his very young son showing him how to use the dryer. They both took a look at me covered in blood and shot out as fast as they could. I washed my hands and started cleaning up my head. Once I finished cleaning myself off some security guard came in and started questioning what is going on, I told him I had slipped and bumped my head on the coat hanger thing on the back of the door, he believed me right away and went and got the 1st aid kit. I took a few plasters and disinfection wipe things, said sorry to the bloke for scaring his kid and walked back to the car. As I got into the passenger seat and my mate looked at some of the dry blood on my hands and said " I hope that's from your fucking head dude".