Paid Members Your Fight Site Posted November 5, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Canadian toilets have too much water in them, they're nearly full, I'm not an especially well hung man (despite my hilarious joke to the contrary) and a couple of times here the tip of my bell has touched the water, it's fucking whack! That can't be right surely? Why do they do this? Nice to see you picking up the lingo, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Duke Posted November 5, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 And also add me to the 'sit down whilst peeing' crew. Much less chance of splash-back and I get to play Solitaire at the same time On the subject of splash back, does anyone else put a landing pad down before they take a big dump? I have to put a few sheets of bog roll down to take the edge of the impact; otherwise I nearly always get a wet arse. That made me have to stop reading the thread for a bit, sent me into hysterics. A LANDING PAD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eatofo Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 And also add me to the 'sit down whilst peeing' crew. Much less chance of splash-back and I get to play Solitaire at the same time Was going so well... Much less chance of splashback? That makes it sound like you sit down in the urinal. Whenever I use a urinal, I can literally feel splashes on my hands- which puts me in a difficult position as I don't want to pull my boxers & trousers up until after I've washed my hands first for fear the splashes will transfer onto my trousers. Therefore I have to shuffle across to the sink and wash my hands first- with trousers still open. I may be reading this wrong but when you use a urinal you pull your trousers and boxers down? No fly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted November 5, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 (edited) And also add me to the 'sit down whilst peeing' crew. Much less chance of splash-back and I get to play Solitaire at the same time On the subject of splash back, does anyone else put a landing pad down before they take a big dump? I have to put a few sheets of bog roll down to take the edge of the impact; otherwise I nearly always get a wet arse. That made me have to stop reading the thread for a bit, sent me into hysterics. A LANDING PAD. I've always referred to it as a Crash Mat. Always put one to use when taking a dump in one of the flimsy cubicles a work. Edited November 5, 2011 by AmpedUp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NBT Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 And also add me to the 'sit down whilst peeing' crew. Much less chance of splash-back and I get to play Solitaire at the same time Was going so well... Much less chance of splashback? That makes it sound like you sit down in the urinal. Whenever I use a urinal, I can literally feel splashes on my hands- which puts me in a difficult position as I don't want to pull my boxers & trousers up until after I've washed my hands first for fear the splashes will transfer onto my trousers. Therefore I have to shuffle across to the sink and wash my hands first- with trousers still open. I may be reading this wrong but when you use a urinal you pull your trousers and boxers down? No fly? A female friend of mine thought that all blokes went to the toilet with their pants and trousers round their ankles, even in pubs, etc. No idea why. And I'm a stand up, turn around and survey the damage sort of guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted November 6, 2011 Awards Moderator Share Posted November 6, 2011 (edited) Is TheBig_Sam of Twitter fame a UKFFer? If not, his recent tweets are quite the coincidence: "Just had a shit. Nowt unusual with that. But I did it facing the opposite way on the bog. Big Sam is just constantly innovating.” "The fear that my peachy rump would spill over the seat and my faeces would slide out and onto the floor provided such an adrenaline rush.” "Didn't though. My log nestled snuggly in the pot like a dormouse snoozing in the bath. Innovation should never come at the expense of logic.” Edited November 6, 2011 by HarmonicGenerator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaz2050 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 And also add me to the 'sit down whilst peeing' crew. Much less chance of splash-back and I get to play Solitaire at the same time On the subject of splash back, does anyone else put a landing pad down before they take a big dump? I have to put a few sheets of bog roll down to take the edge of the impact; otherwise I nearly always get a wet arse. Yes, but only to minimise the sound of me laying cable. Me too. My turds tend to make an awful racket whilst hitting the water and I've always been concious of guests hearing me squeeze one out. Sound proofing FTW. Regarding splash back, I was at Wales/England qualifier this year and went for a piss half-time. As normal, the bogs were rammed and people were squeezing up to make enough room at the urinal for each other. We're all packed in tightly. I started pissing and I could feel warm beads hitting my hands, I looked to my left and there was a small child seemingly pissing his hardest into the urinal. The force he was using was unreal, he probably wanted out of the shithole as soon as possible, but in his haste, the piss was bouncing off the urinal onto my fucking hands! Not happy. I thought I was the only one. Although I do hate it when you miss and the water swallows the tissue. It takes a certain skill to be able to get it right first time. On the subject of weird toilet stuff. I was getting ready to go for a night out and I put aftershave on, then went to the toilet. I realised my predicament and tole my girlfriend that I hadn't thought this through as now touching my cock would blatantly not end well for me. I jokingly asked her if she could come and hold it for me to get the aim right and she said yes straight away. I obviously told her I was joking and that would be disgusting but she didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with it. I get that being in a loving relationship you should be comfortable to do most things together but that should surely be on the list along with watching each other shit and viewing insertions of tampons. No? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted November 6, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 6, 2011 On the subject of weird toilet stuff. I was getting ready to go for a night out and I put aftershave on, then went to the toilet. I realised my predicament and tole my girlfriend that I hadn't thought this through as now touching my cock would blatantly not end well for me. I jokingly asked her if she could come and hold it for me to get the aim right and she said yes straight away. I obviously told her I was joking and that would be disgusting but she didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with it. I get that being in a loving relationship you should be comfortable to do most things together but that should surely be on the list along with watching each other shit and viewing insertions of tampons. No? Your girlfriend sounds brilliant, I would absolutely have let her do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SiMania Posted November 6, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 6, 2011 I get that being in a loving relationship you should be comfortable to do most things together but that should surely be on the list along with watching each other shit and viewing insertions of tampons. No? If she broke her arms would you wipe her arse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted November 6, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 6, 2011 Is TheBig_Sam of Twitter fame a UKFFer? If not, his recent tweets are quite the coincidence: "Just had a shit. Nowt unusual with that. But I did it facing the opposite way on the bog. Big Sam is just constantly innovating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWM Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 I can't use urinals for the most part, I suffer from the worst shycock. Unless I'm on the drink or really, really, really I'm-about-to-piss-my-pants really need it. I've learnt to make it work for me though. For example, I could be absolutely busting for a piss on the way to the match, but when I get there and have to slot in amongst the lads at the whizzing wall, I couldn't drain it for a million quid. The keeps the wolf from the door for the 90 minutes, and I practically fuck the first cubicle I find after the game, as the piss that had disappeared makes it's sudden return. This will be the soft lad who can't wee wee next to others saying this, but would it really be that big a deal to just be rid of urinals in actual buildings? At least in offices, pubs and the like? What a magical world that would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted November 6, 2011 Moderators Share Posted November 6, 2011 This will be the soft lad who can't wee wee next to others saying this, but would it really be that big a deal to just be rid of urinals in actual buildings? At least in offices, pubs and the like? What a magical world that would be. I'm with you. Men are treated like animals as far as toilets are concerned. "Yeah it's 2011, let's all just piss together in a big trough!" And outdoor festival urinals? It's fucking medieval. Just because we can stand and aim, it's fine to be pissing in a room with other men pissing right next to you? No thanks. I'll take the cubicle and urinate like Terry Thomas did, thanks very much. Fucking barbarians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Dammer Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Bit late to this jubilant party but just to add something to the 'sit down whilst pissing' crew. I have always done it ever since a group of students at my college performed a test wearing what I can only describe as a 'PH onesie' which basically turned a different colour when liquid touched it. Anyway, youd be disgusted to see how much colour was on these suits once theyd had a piss standing up into a urinal and into a normal toilet and the amount of splash back that hits you that you just dont notice.. Sitting down, its the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaz2050 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I get that being in a loving relationship you should be comfortable to do most things together but that should surely be on the list along with watching each other shit and viewing insertions of tampons. No? If she broke her arms would you wipe her arse? If I needed to, yes, but I think if the situation was reversed, I would just tell her to wash her hands before taking a piss. The two scenarios aren't really comparable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobra_gordo Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 This will be the soft lad who can't wee wee next to others saying this, but would it really be that big a deal to just be rid of urinals in actual buildings? At least in offices, pubs and the like? What a magical world that would be. I'm with you. Men are treated like animals as far as toilets are concerned. "Yeah it's 2011, let's all just piss together in a big trough!" And outdoor festival urinals? It's fucking medieval. Just because we can stand and aim, it's fine to be pissing in a room with other men pissing right next to you? No thanks. I'll take the cubicle and urinate like Terry Thomas did, thanks very much. Fucking barbarians. I've just transferred to a new office and they have no urinals in any of the blokes toilets. I had a right fucking shock on my first day because I kept on thinking I'd walked in to the womens. It's certainly less barbaric but at the same time all the seats end up soaked in piss and pubes about twenty minutes after the building opens which wouldn't be the case if they had urinals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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