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What's the worst date you've ever been on?


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#1 Boycie

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:17 PM

Hi guys, last week my mate set me up on a blind date. I didn't have anything planned that evening so I happily went along to the pub not knowing what to expect. What I got was a woman who looked about 60 (I'm 27) and obviously wasn't quite the full ticket and that's putting it mildly. She started harping on about all her problems before I reluctantly agreed to go to another pub with her. As we were walking through the town centre she approached two cops and started shouting 'where's ya warrant?' 'Let's see ya warrant then.' I managed to calm her down so she didn't get nicked and when we got to the next pub I bought her a drink and we sat on a sofa, where she started telling me she loved me and rammed her tongue down my throat and started trying to climb on top of me. On the next table were a group of lads I knew and they were pissing themselves laughing. I told her I needed the toilet and she got up and said 'DONT LEAVE ME!' 'YOU WONT EVER LEAVE ME WILL YOU?' I went in the toilet and when I came out two of the bar staff were telling her to leave as she was causing a scene. Luckily she had her back to me so I was able to make a quick exit! A short time later I got a text from my mate who set me up with her saying 'did you have a good night with the nutcase?' Cunt! Anyway, now I've got that off my chest I was wondering if any of you guys have had any disasterous dates.
COME ON SWITZERLAND!

#2 JoeyBlayze

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:27 PM

That is a very funny story. Especially the part about her harassing the 2 cops for no reason. :laugh:

#3 neil's bitch

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:36 PM

Wow, i was about to post a story i have, but that takes the fucking cake mate, i hope you gave your "mate" a slap for that, as to be honest that fucking dire! Anyway, i went away for a date with an ex of mine a logn time ago. (it was to see an old fwa show, funniley enough the show in which the old FWA title belt was stolen i believe!), but when we got there afte X ammount of hours of travel etc, she said she wasnt feeling well and wanted to stay at the hotel. She was putting it on as we'd disagreed on something on the way, so it took me another X ammount of hours to convince her to get out, so we could watch said show. Anyway come show time we're in the front row, im enjoying it (as was she) , RJ singh gets thrown the the outside (then ross jordan), to which my ex pipes up very loudly "CURRY FOR TEA!". Well i was shocked, as was RJ singh who looked at her......then me. Wow is all i could muster the words to say, and needless to say, i didnt like her very much after that. Public embarressment in front of 2-300+ people, and one ofthe wreslters themselves. So if you ever read this mr Singh, im a big fan of your work and not a racist, she on the otherhand, i cannot defend, and hence why i dont go out with her anymore. But to be fair yours was better

#4 spotlightmagnet1

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:40 PM

Went for a night out in Uni with my mate and his girlfriend, her friend came along and my mate and gf ran off (they said there was something wrong at her house but it was a lie) and left me with this girl I never met before. It got worse. She knew the bar tender and proceeded to get drunk very quickly. This led to her shouting at me instead of talking and doing random dancing. I didn't mind as she was quite fit. Then she went off to the toilets, and went onto the dance floor with about five blokes and forgot about me. I sat there looking like a lemon, which resulted in some people feeling sorry for me and letting me hang round them. Final blow came then when the girl came back, mascara running with sick down her shirt asking me to take her home. I got outside but no taxi would take us, which led to us walking round for ages trying to find her house, she was that drunk. In the end, I took her back to my flat, helped to the bathroom and let her sleep in my room while I took the uncomfortable couch. She woke up the next morning, stumbled downstairs, looked at me and said 'What did I do?' Told her she had too much to drink and was in no fit state to go home, didn't go into the leaving me alone until I was the only person that would help her. She then asked me about the sex, I put her straight saying I slept on the couch. Let her shower and watched her leave. Then I had to clean my pillow cases from excess puke and what I've decided to believe was drool. Next thing I know, the girl told everyone my mate set her up with a gay guy. Sadly took someone explaining it to me that she was talking about me.

#5 mikey

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:43 PM

It was back in 2007, I was doing the internet dating thing and I started chatting to this amusing and friendly girl online. We met up in Crystal Palace, the midway point for us both, going to a Portuguese restaurant I'd fancied for a while. The restaurant was very quiet and she said she doesn't eat much so we only had a main course. She was far quieter and mousy in real life and I basically had to talk at her for the entire date, which thankfully lasted only 50 minutes. I was flirting, piss-taking and she seemed genuinely hurt, at total odds with our previous interactions online, and just stopped talking. I was bored but, out of politeness, asked her if she wanted to go to a pub. She said no so I walked her to the bus stop in silence, where she got on the bus with a curt goodbye and then texted me to thank me for the evening(!). Very uncomfortable. And I was still fucking hungry.

#6 shep

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:43 PM

Good to know my ex is back dating again... My worst had to be the girl I had been flirting with at work for a few weeks, chatting loads about this and that before agreeing to meet up. Now I have been known to drift off in conversations from time to time but I am sure I would have remembered her mentioning her infant child. So she rocks up on a hot day with her nipper in a pram, apologising she couldn't get a babysitter. As she hadn't mentioned the baby I thought it wise to ask if there was anything else she had neglected to mention - apart from the husband banged up for GBH there wasn't much else. Kids are one thing, married and married to a psycho are whole different ball games.

#7 JoeyBlayze

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:46 PM

keep them coming lads, these are priceless.

#8 Fatty Facesitter

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 04:48 PM

It was back in 2007, I was doing the internet dating thing and I started chatting to this amusing and friendly girl online. We met up in Crystal Palace, the midway point for us both, going to a Portuguese restaurant I'd fancied for a while. The restaurant was very quiet and she said she doesn't eat much so we only had a main course. She was far quieter and mousy in real life and I basically had to talk at her for the entire date, which thankfully lasted only 50 minutes. I was flirting, piss-taking and she seemed genuinely hurt, at total odds with our previous interactions online, and just stopped talking. I was bored but, out of politeness, asked her if she wanted to go to a pub. She said no so I walked her to the bus stop in silence, where she got on the bus with a curt goodbye and then texted me to thank me for the evening(!). Very uncomfortable. And I was still fucking hungry.


Been on a couple of dates with similar circumstances and stuff where it's just me doing the talking. Even when you try and make it about them, trying to show an interest in them, it's like they just don't want to play ball for whatever reason.

#9 Wrestlingsnob

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 06:31 PM

Need to give a bit of background for mine - I used to share a house in Leeds with an ex-workmate. At the time he was seeing a stunning blonde girl (who also worked with both of us). We all got on well when we lived together but eventually moved on. My housemate & his girlfriend bought a house together but eventually split up in a really nasty split. I kept in touch with her but lost touch with him. Some of the stories that came out after they split where pretty nasty & I was pretty glad that we had gone our seperate ways. Anyway, a few months later the girlfiend ring me & we arrange to meet up for a few drinks, a meal etc. I arranged to meet her in a pub in Leeds city centre. When I got there I took one look at here & realised that she was already pissed out of her head. (I found out later that she had been drinking all day & caned well over a bottle & 1/2 of wine on her own already). I had a drink & we set off for the meal. There where 3 steps on the way out of the pub - she was so pissed I had to literally carry her down these. We go for the meal at a nearby Indian. It starts off ok - we ordered our food & drinks etc. Starters arrive & she starts tucking in & everything seems ok. She then suddenly goes silent & collapses in a heap on the floor and I have to get the staff to call for an ambulance. We get to LGI where she comes round & starts going fucking mental & the nurses have to threaten her with security to get her to calm down. Even though she can barely stand or walk she decides she wants to go out for a cig. I go with her & as she is walking outside I realise she is going to keel over again, I go to catch her as she starts to fall only to end up elbowing her in the face as I am doing so & giving her a black eye. We eventually leave hospital and make our way back into the city centre when she announces that we are meeting up with her ex as she wants us to all be friends again. She had not told the ex I was with her either - so when we both act suprised and not particularly overjoyed to see each other she goes fucking mental again. At this point I decided enough was enough & fucked off home, leaving her in town with her ex. Not just the worst date I have been on but also up there with the worst nights out I have ever had in my life.

#10 pete_the_treat

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 07:05 PM

I've had a few crackers haha. One I mentioned on here before, but will retype anyway. A few years ago I met some girl off the internet who seemed pleasant enough, but when I met her to go to hers she was an absolute Jeremy Kyle style pikey! She had grotty stale make up and was just odd, but I reluctantly agreed to go to with her as not to be rude. However her house was an absolute shit tip! Her parents would give Onslow and Daisy a run for their money, proper slobs in filthy clothes, and there was grime and muck everywhere. The house wasn't even decorated, filthy floor boards and dirty plates just stacked. Absolute rotten, like the type of house on 'A Life of Grime', no word of a lie. I was freaking, but she took me upstairs and there were actual fleas crawling on her bed! So I said I needed the bathroom to give me a moment to think how to escape. But there was literal SHIT up the walls. How does that even happen?! So I just thought fuck it, I need to go. And apologised and said I had to leave, and rushed downstairs. She then tried giving me a kiss goodbye, but I declined, then ran all the way home. I showered and showered and showered and still couldn't feel clean!! Rough as fuck! I've never met a girl off the net since! Another time I got texting some girl who worked in New Look whos number I blagged from a friend and arranged to meet her after her shift after a fair bit of nice texting. However she no-showed and I waited 50 minutes after no texts or calls back before leaving. Never did hear from her again. Random. This last one is quality, but the end will only be truely funny if you are aware of who the person is, I will give it a shot, no doubt anyone familiar with him will find it highly amusing. Anyway, I was sat in Bath Abby after an amazing day out date with a girl just relaxing and thinking how well it was going, when an arm grabbed me in a sleeper hold. I didn't recognise this person (abv cos they had me from behind) but they smelt a bit and I noticed a wrinkly old hand. And I started to think fuck who's this? And asked but they wouldn't reply, and the girl started freaking out and looked terrified, as I then thought it was a tramp! The girl then curled up at the end of the bench petrified while I didn't know what to do to remain calm. Then the person let go after what seemed like forever and it was none other than UK wrestling superfan MAD ELI! He knew me from about but was extremely ott for him to get me in a sleeper haha. I was like "what the fuck were you doing?!" but he just gabbled on nonsense about wrestling and goodness knows what as the girl still looked on like wtf. I hadn't explained my interest in wrestling to her and she was baffled that it wasn't a close relative or anyone I really knew as I tried explaining the situation while still flustered. Needless to say thanks to British Wrestling's badge headed embassador she was too freaked out by the crazy episode and we never met again.
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#11 the_original

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 07:09 PM

Check please

:thumbsup:

i have wanted to say 1 or 2 of these over the years
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#12 CleetusVanDamme

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 07:11 PM

Back when I was about 15 I decided to take a Friday night off from drinking in the streets and acting like a complete arsehole, to instead treat my bird at the time Kim to a night at the Cinema. I sat through an awful cartoon film called Racing Stripes? and I think I got a handy for my troubles, so far so not too terrible. After the film had ended though we were on our way down to the chippy (Cleetus always wines and dines his women in style) when we bumped into a group of cunts from Royston (a jailbait shanty town) who after asking me "WHERE U FAE PAL?" proceeded to punch fuck out of me, it wasn't that bad, I had a burst nose and and a miniscule cut on my lip, but from the way Kim was screaming you'd have thought I'd been 5 rounds with Tyson. Anyway, after spending about 10 minutes telling the silly cow that I didn't need an ambulance (we'd been walking down the road fine for a good few minutes now) she phoned her dad to come and pick her up... After eventually arriving (fucking steaming aswell) he came and practically launched her straight in the car, and told me to get in aswell, I said that I was just going to walk home, but he insisted "GET THE FUCK IN, WERE GOING TO THE POLICE", obiously that wasn't going to happen, and the shouting match continued.... Long story short, I kicked him in the chuddies and gnashed home as fast as I could. We were fine by the next night though, and she was quite happy to be back sat in the park watching me and my mates getting fucked on Frosty Jacks. I wish my weekends could be half as fun these days.

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#13 Fat Boy Mendoza

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 11:58 PM

I have a couple....... When I was about 18/19 I used to work in Marks and Spencers. This girl started working there who was a year younger than me and was absolutely gorgeous. We struck up a really good friendship and I really started to fancy her. I decided to ask her out and to my delight she said "yes". I took her into town for a few drinks and a bit of a chat. Now a couple of things to tell you before we continue, she was quite a shy person and I can also get a little shy/nervous on occasion. We went to the first bar and I bought us a round of drinks, me a beer and her a glass of wine. We started chatting, well I say "we" but it was really just me. She said nothing. I asked her questions and she just clammed up and said hardly anything. There were long pauses and awkward silences. When I am nervous I tend to drink quicker because I need to do something to cover the silence. Because of this I finished my drink before her. I went to the bar to get another drink for me (she declined one) and returned trying to once again create conversation. Still nothing from her and so quickly my drink finished again. I don't want you to think I was downing these pints but I was getting through them probably quicker than normal. I went to the bar for the third time and still she didn't want a drink. Again more awkward silences and one sided questions, that pint slipped down quickly as well. I made my way to the bar for the 4th time and she said to me "I think you have a drinking problem, you need to get help !!!" I was a little stunned at this (bearing in mind this was 3 pints in probably over an hour. I took her home and we never really talked again :-( Another girl..... Years later I had just come out of a 5 year relationship so was looking for a bit of fun. I took a shine to one of the temp secretaries at work and on the day that her contract ended I invited her out for some food and a few drinks. It all seemed to be going well but there were a couple of red flags along the way. During the meal we sat and talked about holidays, I had just come back from NYC (for WMXX incidentally) and had mentioned it to her. I explained that I had been to this really cool store and she said she would go there next time she was in York. I explained that I was in New York NOT York and she didn't understand what I meant. She thought they were the same place. She thought that all the skyscrapers you see in movies were actually in a little city in the North of England !!! I let that one pass (she had awesome tits and I was horny !) and we left the restaurant. We walked across the town square and in front of us was a homeless guy who was bending over a fountain in the middle of the square. Without a moments thought she walked up behind him and kicked him in arse so that he span around and fell into the fountain !!!! Despite being extremely shocked I jumped in a taxi with her when she suggested going back to her place. We went up to her room and started fooling around. We were both almost naked on her bed when she looked at me and said "I think I am falling in love with you". We had known each other for about 2 weeks and we had been on a date for about 3 hours !! Any way I continued....I went to move my hand under the elastic of her panties and she recoils saying "No, I haven't shaved me biff for ages" !! I don't think I could have even raised a smile after that :-( I stayed the night but made an early dart in the morning. My favourite story comes from a guy I used to work with. He asked this girl out when he was 16/17 and he wanted to take her clubbing as she loved her dance music. His Dad offered to give them a lift to the club but when they got there the guy was refused entry into the club but the girl wasn't. Rather than leave with the guy she proceeded to go into the club and he ended up sitting in the car with his Dad waiting for her to come out hours later. He heard a few days later from one of the lads who had been there that he had fingered her that night while he waited in the car. What must his Dad have though ? My son, what a loser !
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#14 spotlightmagnet1

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Posted 11 November 2010 - 01:32 AM

My favourite story comes from a guy I used to work with. He asked this girl out when he was 16/17 and he wanted to take her clubbing as she loved her dance music. His Dad offered to give them a lift to the club but when they got there the guy was refused entry into the club but the girl wasn't. Rather than leave with the guy she proceeded to go into the club and he ended up sitting in the car with his Dad waiting for her to come out hours later. He heard a few days later from one of the lads who had been there that he had fingered her that night while he waited in the car. What must his Dad have though ? My son, what a loser !


:laugh: I'm sorry for your friend but that is funny.

#15 WWFChilli

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Posted 11 November 2010 - 01:38 AM

Went on a date with an Indian girl while I was at Uni. We were friends through a housemate of mine. She apparently told her I was a bit of a player (hate using that word but I couldn't think of anything else), I'm really not a player by the way. Anyways we go on the date in Liverpool to this tequila bar called Cava, we sit upstairs we chat etc, eventually we ended up kissing in another club. Now i stressed I wasn't a player earlier but this girl wanted me to go back to hers for a bit of the old "hows dad". I tell her I don't really want too and she literally replied with "IS IT BECAUSE IM NOT WHITE", which led to stunned silence and bug eyes from me while she ranted about how she knew I wasn't that interested because she wasn't white. After about 2 minutes of ranting (she had a few by this point) I promptly told her to "Fuck Off" and strolled away, amazingly she didn't cry "rape" or something while I strutted off into the Krazyhouse, while I pulled a right fit welsh red head, she was wearing a Thin Lizzy t-shirt, bitch got rammed.

Edited by Chilli_Dog, 11 November 2010 - 01:39 AM.