Jump to content


Photo

THE BAWBAG FIFTEEN~!~!~!


  • Please log in to reply
375 replies to this topic

#1 Kenny McBride

Kenny McBride

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,466 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 07:35 PM

Good evening, grapple fans! Welcome to the countdown of the century - the fifteen biggest Bawbags in all of Scottish wrestling!

This has been an arduous task, but it's been made easier by the highly amusing comments made by several voters. The spread was impressive too - more than 60 names were proposed. I'll preface all of what's coming by noting that I had NO vote and, other than choosing the email address to send votes to, I had NO influence on any of the votes cast. I also have very little influence over what's in any of the write-ups. I've never even seen a number of these Bawbags in action, so I'm going almost entirely on comments made during the nominations process. All I've done is tidy them up and knit them together into a bravura blurb of Bawbag-booting. This is purely and simply the collective opinion of Scottish wrestling fans (and a handful of "insiders" too) about which athletes (and otherwise) make them wish they'd stayed at home and watched River City. If any wrestler reading doesn't like it, take a look at your performances over the last year and sort yourself out, Bawbag.

Now, you'll note I said athletes "and otherwise." There's good reason for this. And it's not just that some of the people appearing on this list aren't athletes in any conventional sense of the word. It's that some people considered one man so much of a Bawbag, they voted for him despite him not even being a fucking wrestler. He didn't make the official list, but for his crimes against wrestling, he still deserves his own write-up...



Posted Image
Honorary Bawbag Of The Year - Tom Aitken

Yes, the UKFF's own Dangerously420 is such a completely useless waste of perfectly good oxygen, he received more votes than some of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen in my life. One voter actually put him in FIRST place. That's right - he's only a ring announcer, yet this fan couldn't think of a single person that made him more angry about the state of Scottish wrestling. That's a Bawbag, right there.

This educationally subnormal freak posts some of the most inane shite this board has ever seen. Whether it be a ricockulous scam to try and get people to give away their mobile phones or his failed attempts to promote wrestling or his failed attempt at being a concert promoter or his future failed attempts at the same or running about like a twat with his shirt off after RVD won the title at One Night Stand 2 or ripping people off at one of his other AWESOME~! PPV parties or even that bizarre nonsense with the sherbet and the Red Bull or...well, pretty much anything he says, does or thinks, TAFKA Tommyboi manages to irritate all and sundry every time he tries to do anything other than sit quietly in his room with a large bottle of paracetamol and a bottle of vodka. But that's not the half of it. Oh no.

Tom Aitken is also a ring announcer. One can only assume the fucker works for free (or even pays for the privilege), because anyone who pays him to appear on their shows might as well just give people back their ticket money at the door while slapping their faces and feeling up their pre-pubescent sisters. As a ring announcer for BCW, PBW, W3L, and ICW, Aitken describes himself as "the voice of Scottish wrestling." If this is the case, then Scottish wrestling has a severe speech impediment and drools on the microphone. With the world's most gormless grin and a lack of self-awareness that would startle your average cartwheeling nudist on Argyle Street, Tommyboi can barely even say "commeeenth wessuwwing!" (he does this because some of these promotions can't be arsed to bring a bell to shows) without making a complete cunt of himself.

Fucking hell. I'm tired of talking about this prick already. You just know he'll be posting here in about two seconds, "taking it well" and thinking it's great that he's "over." Well you're not over, fucker. Over-rated, maybe. Over-used, certainly. Now all you need is to get over yourself. Bawbag.

Edited by Kenny McBride, 18 August 2008 - 07:51 PM.

There is one mark you cannot beat -
the mark within.
- William S. Burroughs

ITV Wrestling - The Ultimate Archive~!

#2 LazyMcLopez

LazyMcLopez

    Curtain Jerker

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 285 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 07:59 PM

Posted Image
[img][/img]

#3 alexander

alexander

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,291 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:00 PM

Brutal write up. Almost makes you feel sorry for Tommy.Well, not really.
Posted Image

No, you're science fiction creatures, each and every one of you. You know what you are? You're grinders. While you wait for the real future you think you're owed, you fuck around with your bodies like they were virtual world avatars. You add things to them, you make them better. You treat them like characters to be improved and you grind them. There's no future coming. No-one thinks they owe you shit. You're waiting for a day that'll never fucking dawn.

On Twitter...

#4 Kenny McBride

Kenny McBride

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,466 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:04 PM

And the first official Bawbag of 2008 is...

Posted Image
No. 15 - "Tenacious" Johnny Lyons

Pic: Lyons misunderstand what someone meant when they shouted "giant Bawbag!" at him.

I'll be honest - I've never even seen this guy. The voting public, however, tell me he's a shitty little Bawbag with no respect, no desire for self-improvement, can't handle any serious physical contact in the ring and, after being put on shows before he was ready and being a complete disaster, fucked off away from real promotions and set up his own so that rather than being a medium sized fish in the goldfish bowl of SCOTWRES~, he could be a shark in a shotglass.

This pleather- and vest-clad monkey doesn't look atrociously awful, technically speaking, in this video from a couple of weeks ago, but then he doesn't look good at all, either. This guy's chief claim to Bawbaggery seems to be that he now trains other wrestlers (presumably including the 10 year old he starts off against there) and co-owns a promotion, thus encouraging everyone who buys a ticket to a WrestleZone show to believe that Scottish wrestling is a haven for mid-teens fuck-knuckles who've never bothered to think about things like a gimmick (isn't "Tenacious" a babyface name, really?), decent gear, a physique, the ability to bump safely or, well, anything associated with good wrestling. As long as this Bawbag is still promoting shows, the sad thing is that the people who think that wouldn't be wrong. Never mind. Most of them will never buy a ticket again anyway...

Edited by Kenny McBride, 18 August 2008 - 08:06 PM.

There is one mark you cannot beat -
the mark within.
- William S. Burroughs

ITV Wrestling - The Ultimate Archive~!

#5 neil

neil

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,478 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:12 PM

I just gave tommyboi his prize.

FOUNDER MEMBER OF THE NO SIGS CREW
NEW CLUB DETAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO THE COMIC SANS ERA BITCHES

You want in? Put "NO SIGS CREW" in yo sig in size 7, red, comic sans font then TURN DEM SIGS OFF


#6 Kenny McBride

Kenny McBride

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,466 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:14 PM

Posted Image

No. 14 - Drew McDonald

Has barely performed in Scotland this year, but people who saw him voted and they didn't like him. I'm saying nothing. MOJ has the market cornered on this fella.
There is one mark you cannot beat -
the mark within.
- William S. Burroughs

ITV Wrestling - The Ultimate Archive~!

#7 Jay Walker

Jay Walker

    Curtain Jerker

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 282 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:15 PM

1 <3 Neil now.Tremendous.
Posted Image

#8 Kenny McBride

Kenny McBride

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,466 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:42 PM

No. 13 - Brad Fusion

I can't find a pic of this guy anywhere. Anyone who has one - particularly if it features a gormless facial expression or a giant camel-toe or something - gimme a shout ASAP.

Said one voter - "blows more spots than Jenna Jameson blows co-stars." Of course, I'd be happy to watch one of those things all day...

I used to think Brad Fusion had potential. I really did. He had a great look and seemed a decent athlete. In the last year, however - and again, I quote a voter - he's either come off the gear or forgotten where the gym is. For a guy whose body was one of his strongest suits, that's not a good sign at all.

"Is so INDY~~~~~~ it hurts." And he really is. He's one of those guys who is technically not bad at all. He just HAS to get in ALL his shit in EVERY match so you can't BREATHE before he's back on the TOP ROPE doing another STUPID FUCKING HIGHSPOT. Makes no effort to make his matches flow or be believable in any way and thus sucks all the life out of any match he's involved in. Might be better off forgetting practicing his stupid twisty moonsault thing and watching some tapes of Eddy Guerrero or someone. Or just not wrestling any more, since he's forgotten all about keeping in shape anyway.

Also, pleather breeks. No excuse, Bawbag.
There is one mark you cannot beat -
the mark within.
- William S. Burroughs

ITV Wrestling - The Ultimate Archive~!

#9 Kenny McBride

Kenny McBride

    Inter-Continental Champion

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,466 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 08:44 PM

OK, it's three a day for the rest of the week. Except for the day when there's a TIE~! Then I'll do four. That should round out the week nicely with the top three (which, to be fair, won't surprise anyone) on Friday before we Scots can revert to type by going out at the weekend, getting ricockulously drunk and stabbing each other.
There is one mark you cannot beat -
the mark within.
- William S. Burroughs

ITV Wrestling - The Ultimate Archive~!

#10 Prince Nana

Prince Nana

    Mid Carder

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,612 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 09:24 PM

this video from a couple of weeks ago This can't be right, but it looks so much like them I have to ask Those guys look lke a beefed up CJ hunter Vs an eric canyon with spiky hair? But it can't be them surly but the guy with the spiky hair even sounds like canyon. The reason I say it can't be them is that they used to have good match's.

#11 Bydo

Bydo

    Jobber

  • Members
  • 119 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 09:34 PM

"As a ring announcer for BCW, PBW, W3L, and ICW, Aitken describes himself as "the voice of Scottish wrestling." If this is the case, then Scottish wrestling has a severe speech impediment and drools on the microphone."If Marty Micheals wasn't SWA exclusive, Aitken would be out on his arse in a heartbeat.I actually thought that Lyons sounded incredibly like Eric Canyon too. But Y'know, Canyon was talented.

Edited by Bydo, 18 August 2008 - 09:40 PM.


#12 Prince Nana

Prince Nana

    Mid Carder

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,612 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 09:46 PM

Actually I thought it was swift that sounded that canyon, anyway i've just found out that lyons is 31 which would make him 28 3 years ago which was the last time I saw CJ hunter and I didn't think he was that old.Anyways i found a fact Lyon's buisness partner is his 23 year old wife, do's that make it worse?

#13 Craig The Hunter

Craig The Hunter

    Jobber

  • Members
  • 193 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 09:59 PM

It's pretty small but here's a picture of Brad Fusion apparently getting arsed:

Posted Image

Posted Image


#14 Big'Olympic_Hero'Pete

Big'Olympic_Hero'Pete

    Card Filler

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 879 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 10:02 PM

Brutal write up. Almost makes you feel sorry for Tommy. Well, not really.

Almost being the operative word.
Click logo:Posted Image

Looking for sponsors for 2013-14 season - message me for more info.

Good packages available from 100.

#15 martyngnr

martyngnr

    Unleashing the trademark

  • Paid Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,010 posts

Posted 18 August 2008 - 10:02 PM

Actually I thought it was swift that sounded that canyon, anyway i've just found out that lyons is 31 which would make him 28 3 years ago which was the last time I saw CJ hunter and I didn't think he was that old. Anyways i found a fact Lyon's buisness partner is his 23 year old wife, do's that make it worse?

Worse that he is 31 and has a wife 8 years younger than him? Granted i have never seen her and there is a massive possibility she is a munter but PROVISIONALLY for the young wife he can have an Alan Partridge-style CASHBACK!!!! :thumbsup:
"Aberdeen have what money can't buy - a soul" - Alfredo Di Stefano