What the fuck did you get married for then? Being able to stay faithful is one of the first questions to ask yourself when thinking about marriage.

Dont have any children and get a quickie divorce.

This.

i have never, ever thought about cheating on my girlfriend......ever. Have i had people make offers, yes. Have i ever taken advantage, no, mainly because im not interested, as i have a girlfriend who i do infact like a fair ammount.

Apologies ive im coming across a bit "pissey" but you shouldnt be in a relationship if you cant stay faithfull, let alone get married.

So, only a month or so after my last break up which was detailed on here I've started sort of seeing another woman, again, from work despite telling myself I wouldnt do that again.

I had noticed for months that she had flirted with me, and two weeks ago found myself on a week long training course with her. Got pretty pally, and one night after work I was her shoulder to cry on about issues she was having there, exchanged numbers and started texting, which turned into flirty texts which turned into dates. I'm still pretty gutted after last g/f and really dont want to be thrust right back into a major relationship again, the latest keeps asking if we are together(full on I know) and I dont want to turn her away by saying no, but to be honest would like to take it slow with her, nothing too serious - when Ive suggested that she took it that I didnt like her, so had to say that I did, but wanted to see how things progress.

I feel like she is pressuring me into coupledom when I'm really not ready, not saying that I wouldnt want that but just not at the minute.

Advise or am I being a cunt?

Nah mate, most women would be thrilled to be shown the respect of telling them straight up that aren't ready to throw yourself into a relationship. Most blokes in the same situation would probably not address it straight away, shag the lass and only then explain they weren't interested in a relationship at this point.

At least, I'd be tempted to.

Martin the issues thing crying and then the full on thing suggests she is a bit of an emotional unstable.

Stay well clear matey, especially if your still cut up as is a one way ticket to hell. Seriously dude, bad news

so i see you've met my ex girlfriend?

Seriously though, as others have said if saying "i do like you, but becuase of my previous thing, id like to chill it out, go on a few dates etc", and she took it the wrong way........id suggest leaving it be, mainly because, (as an example), lets say you get together and are together for a while........basically she's going to flip out at the smallest things, and it'll be a massive ball ache trying to get her to calm down.

Again, im sure that is my ex!

Steer clear dude, not worth the hassle.

Any advice for my mate?

He told his girlfriend today that he cheated on her last month with his ex (who he left for his current girlfriend.) She is understandably pissed. And angry. And sad. But he is really, really sorry about it. It was a stupid mistake. And he loves her, says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Any ideas of a way in which he could show that to his girlfriend? I'm trying to help, but I just don't know.

by not cheating on her.

Yeah alright, I'll be sure to mention a time machine to him.

Seriously, set aside that it's a dick thing to do. Any advice?

There's not really much he can do other than apologise over and over and basically do whatever it takes to make her believe
that he will never do anything like that again.

He might have to change some things so he doesn't bump into his ex again, if that happens regularly.

To be fair if he loved her so much......why did he cheat on her? No offence t oyour mate, but ive never cheated on my girlfriend, nor felt the need to......although i have had the offers before.

In all seriousness id suggest you tell him to take a look at himself a little bit before he tries to "win her back". Mainly because if yo ucan cheat on sombody you clearly dont love them "That" much do you?

Either way all he can do is apoligise until she takes him back, but to be honest if it happened to me, i would never take the other person back.

Monogamy is all bullshit anyway. People only get upset about "cheating" because of their own insecurity and need to "own" another human being.

And I include myself in that, I got arsey as fuck when I was cheated on. Got more philosophical about it when I did the cheating then, though. Everyone should have fun. Life isn't really long enough to waste time being arsey because your fella had sex with someone else. He should just tell her to grow up and not take everything so seriously. She wouldn't take it well, mind.

Thinking outside the box, he should offer to let her shag his best mate for revenge. Obviously, if you're his best mate and you suggest this, it looks a bit suspicious.

I cheated on an ex girlfriend two years ago. But I felt ridiculously guilty and broke down and told her. We split up but then she decided to give me another chance. Looking back i wish I hadnt asked for forgiveness as there was no trust from her (which I totally understand and agree with) In this situation you shouldnt try and win back the ex. You fucking someone else is a damn clear sign that you shouldnt be with this person. When you're with the person you love that much, other women aren't on your mind. There are some guys on here that have said they haven't even thought about doing it so it just proves that these guys do exist, they're just over shadowed by the thousands of guys that either think alot about cheating, or actually go out & do it

Like ive said, ive had many offers before now, but im very happy with my girlfriend and ive always found her amazingly attractive, and we've been together 4 years. During then, ive not thought about cheated or ever wanted to.

In your case baz, i can understand. A friend of mine split from his Ex for about 6 months, (not because he cheated on her, but thats another story), he later got back with her, although openly said he got with a girl whilst they had broken up during this 6 months.

She never ever forgot he did that, (even though i suppose he didnt cheat on her), but she could never ever forget about it, and basically treated him like shit for another year before he dumped her. He lover her to death, but she wouldnt let it go.......and he didnt even cheat on her!

Ive known of people who have cheated and got back together, but for me personally ive found any problems (be it cheated or otherwise) tend to pop up again if you get back together, because thats how "you are with each other". Some people change, some dont......but i wouldnt give them the chance to even bother trying to apologise.

No matter what anybody says, if you cheat.......you clearly dont like the person as much as you say. As if you did, you wouldnt do it.

Dude, I presume there's some degree of irony intended here, but taken at face value this is just half-arsed cynicism at its worst. If you don't believe in monogamy, don't pretend that you do and commit to one person to begin with! Either agree to an open relationship or stay single.

Bowyo T is right - if you're THAT into someone, you want to go home to them at then end of the night, regardless of what else is on offer. And if you're not, why have you committed to them? If you want to do the "life's too short, I want to have fun and fuck around" lark, fair play to you - I'm thoroughly enjoying doing so at the minute. But don't needlessly fuck over somebody who cares about you for the sake of that.

Wow, didnt think my way of thinking would be the right option!

Either way, a friend of mine is currently cheating on his girlfriend, and its just really making me wonder why? His actual girlfriend is away at uni, so now hes decieded to mess about with some bird from his work (where he met his proper girlfriend, who also knows this other bird), and again im just wondering what hes thinking?

So yeah, if you do like somebody that much, you honestly dont even think about it. Its just common sense to me.

Nice to see there is some other decent lads about also!

Of course your way of thinking is the right option, I'm exactly the same I would never dream of cheating on my girlfriend as I love her to bits.

If I find out people have cheated on their partners I lose all respect I had for them no matter who they are, it's a terrible thing to do.

My other half started her new job about a week ago, working in a pharmacy consisting of all women. As she's still in training, she reckons a couple of the girls are being a bit arsey with her. Today I suggested that maybe they're all on their periods or something. She replies straight away 'lol!' (I know, I know). Never knowing when to stop, I say back 'I wish men had the bleeding vag excuse to act like an arsehole'. She hasn't talked to me since.

Is my missus mental?

Really? Even if it was the only bad thing you knew about an otherwise stand-up guy? A guy who, perhaps, does loads of work for children's charities, soup kitchens, St. John's ambulance and once rescued a young child from a burning building?

Even if he was still a stand-up guy, I'd still frown upon him for cheating.

But you wouldn't necessarily lose ALL respect for him, yes? That's all I'm really getting at - out of mere curiosity, not having a go.

Well if he did all those things you pointed out, how could you not respect a guy like that! lol

But in all seriousness I suppose you're probably right, thus rendering my 1st post a little useless, but I think everyone knew what I was getting at how cheating etc is just plain wrong, whichever part of the couple did it.

I knew you weren't having a go or anything

I totally agree with you.

A mate of mine is a manager of his place of work, works with the brownies/cubs/ (something like that), he also volunteers for the police service. He all round a decent guy who i had considered a really good mate of mine, but hes cheating on his other half.......and to be honest he'll always be my mate and everything, but im just disapointed in him.

Going back to one of the second of third posts down in this page, who ever said monogomy is a load of rubbish, or course you have your opinion. But people get upset/bothered about it because to be fair if you wanted to shag about, you shouldnt be getting with the one person saying you'll be faithful to them.......and only them. Im all up for people seeing as many people as they like, but not when you say you have a girlfriend/boyfriend etc.

Also to the guy a few post up, she'll speak to you eventually, although shes just got the hump as you made out all women get arsey on purpose when on there "Time o the month". Not sure how long you've been with her, but thats a rookie mistake!

But that guy is clearly only doing all those things to get a ride, women love that shit.

I just celebrated 10 years together with my other half and we've been married 6 of those. I love her loads and I've never cheated on her, nor would I. I like a bit of a flirt like any normal person, but of course I would never want it to lead anywhere. We've got a 7 month old baby son now and I would feel like I was cheating on him too now if I ever did anything like that.

looks like this has reared its ugly head again.
3 weeks ago she is acting odd, so I ask whats up, she says nothing etc. Eventually she says she isn't completely happy and loves me deeply, and wants more than anything for us 3 to stay together as a family. I put up a front and after 2 days of sheer pain, she calls me crying saying she doesnt want to go our seperate ways, she cannot imagine being with anyone else, but feels like we are good friends, and love one another but doesnt feel like she deeply loves me when she holds me etc. Thinks there is something missing.
She decides she wants to battle on.
So for 3 weeks (over Xmas) we try to act like nothing has been said, but I cant let it go, therefore we talk about it everyday. "Bringing it to the surface" as she says.
Lastnight I decide to say whats going on, and she says, the things she has said still stand and that we are gonna have to break up.
So there we are...7 years, a 2 year old, a lot of pain and sick in my gut about it all. And I'm terrified to not get to wake up with my daughter calling me in the morning. Spending Xmas with here etc. Another man living with my daughter...These are all things that are crushing. Anyone been through this?
I've told her, that if she thinks I'm gonna be happy to see my daughter 1 day a week she is mistaken, she says you can see her as much as you like.

Sad thing is, we love one another, and are best friends. She seems to have a strange outlook about what else she should be feeling. She even says that she sometimes thinks she is crazy for feeling like it, when I am such a good partner and father.

I hate to be the one to say this but there's not a lot he really can do - if she decides that she wants to forgive him, she'll do it in her own sweet time.

sorry to read that, you obviously are a decent guy. (I'm not gay but) you need a hug and a pint

Fuck that shit. If she's choosing this path, perhaps she should leave rather than expecting you to, and she can see your daughter whenever she likes. All the very best to you, man....horrible situation.

I've been having a debate with a mate of mine over his relationship woes. Basically his girl found out (or he told her, I forget which) that he uses porno and gawks at lad's mags, and she's got the hump claiming it's 'cheating' and they've fallen out. He's now doing all the chasing after her like a guilty cocker spaniel. But I said to him it blatently isn't cheating and she's talking rubbish. She most likely talks about and pervs over all manner of celebrity men with her daft friends, so she will get over it and herself. But now he's all like "But what if is cheating? I've been a dick, waaah!" and being arsey with me.

Opinions? I'm adament I'm right, but would be interesting to see the opinions of others because he's got me second guessing now going on all the time haha.

IMO, you're right, his GF's being a dick. That said, my GF objects to porn for moral reasons rather than she thinks I'm cheating. As far as I'm concerned, one is a legitimate gripe, one is not.

I think my wife would be more worried if I didn't look at a different pair of knockers online or in a magazine.

Pete, I may be a woman but I totally agree with you - his girlfriend is totally over-reacting and it's not cheating in any way! Every red-blooded male I know looks at porn and/or lads mags - heck, as johnnyboy says I'd be more upset if my fiance DIDN'T look because it's normal for people to look.

Has she ever gone to see a movie on the strength of it starring Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc...?

Unless she's really fit/rich/dirty, I'd fuck her off. Someone that insecure/mental is only going to be continual headaches.

Righto, haven't posted a great deal about my recent rollercoaster lovelife in here for a while, so here goes: It's all settled down.

Been casually seeing a girl from up north on and off, but due to the distance, her having a couple of kids, and my reluctance to get into anything serious, we were holding back from getting too involved. We met through her best mate who lives down here, and I'd really only seen her a bit on nights out. A few weeks ago I went up to Manchester to see her, and the following week she came down here, and it was become clear it was more than just a shag and we were getting a bit involved. Anyway, we decided a few days back to take the plunge and call it a relationship and neither of us see anyone else. I'm pretty made up about it, to be honest. Really wasn't looking for anything serious, but this is pretty awesome. I know how difficult it's going to be, she has two kids, is off to uni next year so she can qualify as a midwife to support them on her own, and lives four hours away by train.. But against all better judgement, I think it may actually go the distance.

Best of luck to ya Dave

Very sad to hear about his dude, but hopfully i can help a bit!

im a guy whos parents split when i was very young (about 6 or 7 i think) and i hopfully can shed abit of light from my side of things. These days its not something that bothers me, (not that it ever has really) both me and my parents are even closer then we would of been before, and they both have partners who they love and can be in a real relationship with. I also now have 3 sisters (i was an only child for the best part of 15 years) and myself have a great relationship with a new born little girl.

in regards to access to the child, just take it easy and try an agree something without all the "If you think im seeing her for X ammount of time, your DEAD WRONG!" sort of attitude, as to be fair nothing will ever get done and you'll make a scence. My dad had a little girl (sadly split up with her mum a few years back after 12 years) and sees her almost every day, (he picks her up from school) and has her every few weekends (when her mum allows it). Depending on what your situations are, id advised to act like what you say you both are: best friends. That way you can sort something out, (always stay clam during negotiations or else it'll blow up in your face), and hopfully come to some sort of agreement without the courts getting involved.

Again very very sad to here about it all mate, and im sorry if ive come across a bit "right do this and carry on", but a sad fact is, if you stop and think about it to much.......it'll just get to you. Will you both end up seeing other people, you will. It is a fact you cannot hide from, hopefully you'll both get on with each others partners (although not everybody does and you dont NEED to so dont worry). Will the kid be fine? She'll be perfectly fine and most likely be closer to you both as a result, just act as a father should, and it'll be fine.

So again, hope that helped, im a guy from the other side of the fence (once for myself. and again for my sister) and can safely say nothing bad happens, unless the parents involved dont act like parents.

Hope that helps!

And also:



Firstly I'll make it clear. It is NOT cheating, but at the same time i know some birds have an issue with there fellas watching porn, sort of like a "why does he use porn if hes got me?" sort of thing, again i know some ladys are well aware lads use porn and lads mags etc, but some girlies dont like it.

Tha being said she is over-reacting a bit, as it isnt cheating at all, but to a degree its something you could see where she is comeing from.

I use porn, but the misses doenst know lol. He should of kept it like that. Tell him just to stay firm with her (not like that!) and say "when your ready to talk, we'll talk" and leave it at that. If shes childish enough to kick up such a massive fuss, shes not worth it. If she can calm down, she'll talk when shes ready.

Its not fucking cheating its what men do. My cousin didnt but I noticed something different about him, when at christmas his friend Tim always joined us. I got back with that ex I broke up with a few months ago (we got back together about 4 days after I told it on here) but we broke up two days ago and feeling rather ok about it. I can dedicate myself more to my training and do as I please. Anyways she hated me watching porn and just got a bit wound up rather than said I was cheating. Although a couple months back she stole the porn from my room, then the next time we had sex it was crazy. It seems she'd been taking notes. So tell your mate his girls a dick arse crackah!!!! I know you have to compromise and let things slide in relationships, but I hate when one partner is so weak, they cant even identify when its time to stand up for themselves and say "I'm right". My friend does this and it pisses me off. I know its cliche but tell him to ignore her for a couple hours, when she asks why he's not talking tell him to say "I'm letting your mood pass, talk to me when you're ready". She'll come around and then they can chat about it. I bet if they had a proper chat she might see things different

Double post

Please tell me you're just going for a late entry into the "you think your funny" category with that post, and that you're not serious.

I dont understand please elaborate

Simple, first, it's not "what men do", decent men don't cheat on their girlfriends. If you aren't happy with the relationship, get the fuck out of it first, then look elsewhere.

Second, if any guy cheated on his girlfriend, and then told her that he wasn't talking to her until her mood passed, then I would highly expect her to slap the shit out of him and throw him out.

As it stands, from your post (which it would appear is completely straight being that you don't seem to be on a wind up) you come across as a tit who believes all women should just do whatever the guy wants, and if the guy cheats she should just deal with it.

He wasn't saying it's cheating that men do, it was looking at porn.

Okay... in that case I'll head off with egg on my face and have "read the fucking thread properly before replying" as my number 1 new years resolution.

When I said its what men do I meant lads mags and porn. not everyone cheats and so they shouldnt. i dont condone it at all. i agree with gettig out if its not working. He didnt cheat though as perving at pc monitors and mags isnt cheating. So now you've read it back are we all friends again? Do you understand I wasnt praising cheaters

Putting it bluntly, I was a tit and should've read before I wrote utter bollocks, apologies in your direction, and humble pie in mine, and a face shaped dent in my desk too.

You do tend to do that a lot no?

If you mean the writing utter bollocks, it's pretty much constant. I waffle too much for my own damned good.

right - heres my dilemna. Mates after this lass who's in our group of friends. We all kinda realise that she's a bit of a slag and cheats on her current boyfriend and what not but apparently the fella's just as bad if not worse. So my mates all crazy about her and apparently she ended up telling him the other night that she likes him and wishes that she got with him and not the boyfriend so know he's all excited thinking he's in there.

So here's the problem - do I tell him that since she's a bit of slag with the the current fella, she'll probably do the same to him OR do I tell him that she won't cheat on him and let him be ridiculously happy? Or in simple terms - can a leopard change their spots?

Bit of a tough one, as to be honest some people are just "slags" i know a few guys and girls who are, and cannot stay with one person. I personally have never found it something that is hard to do, or that ive ever thought about cheating since ive been with the misses.

So maybe she cheats, because he does.........but then again you cant really say anything, incase she really does like this fella, and would actually stay faithful. Only thing you can do is tell you mate to be careful, but in a mates way "just be aware shes cheating on her fella currently" is a good option, or there abouts but nothing massivly over the top.

If she leaves he fella to be with this mate of yours thats a good sign, if she doesnt.......then again it doesnt look good, but maybe she will get with him at some point.

Advise him only to get with her if she leaves the other fella, and otherwise just mention to keep an eye out, not in a crazy way.....but again jsut to be aware. If she cheats on him at this time and you know 110% for sure, then tell him and it'll take its course.

Don't force things, let him make his own way but keep a close eye on things in case things go wrong ( have a sly word with the girl if you are that bothered about it, but keep it informal. What are your intentions towards matey, and so on, but keep what is said to yourself and dont blag on to your mate that you have done it either). He has to make his own way, deciding for him could make things either brilliant or gloriously fucked up. Better to stay out of the in short term and let nature take its course