ROH – 4th Anniversary Show
So, ROH is four years old. It would be very easy for me to make a joke about deliberately mishearing peoples ages right now, but I think I’ll take the high road. Still, ROH after four years of TNA, ‘that’ scandal and booking Kevin Steen, they’ve survived for which they deserve at least some credit.
So the first match out of the bag is scheduled to be Kid Mikaze and Jason Blade Vs Sal Rinauro and Tony Mameluke and I’m already contemplating doing something else with my evening. Then we here the long forgotten strains of “Give Me Back My Bullets” and The Briscoes make their return to ROH, the crowd going quite literally banana. They add themselves to the match, and we end up with
Kid Mikaze and Jason Blade Vs Sal Rinauro and Tony Mameluke Vs The BriscoesTime before the returning Briscoes hit a head drop move: 25 seconds. Time before the returning Briscoes hot a double stomp move: 37 seconds. Time before the returning Briscoes hit a crazy dive to the outside: 104 seconds. Yep, they’re back folks. And so is 2002.
I expected a straight up squash here, and that’s what it should’ve been. No ROH fan is ever going to give a damn about Mikaze and Blade, and Sal and Tony flopped as tag champs and in almost every match they’ve had since. But ROH is obsessed with everyone getting the time to shine, so what could’ve been a red hot sprint to start the show turns into a bit of a meandering spot fest, where all the guys get to hit some glitzy moves before The Briscoes hit a ludicrous Cut Throat Driver/Leg Drop combo for the pin on Blade. The fan reaction is nowhere near what it would’ve been if Mark and Jay had just steamrollered all four guys; a reliance on booking for ‘workrate’ really took the shine off a big return angle here.
Wow. All is forgiven as the camera slowly pans up a white clad Alison Danger before a Chris Daniels promo. Daniels cuts a promo on Whitmer, saying he’s out for revenge after what Whitmer and Maff did to Danger while he was away. A-fucking-men, I’m with you on that one.
Adam Pearce Vs Claudio Castagnoli Vs Azriel Vs Jay FuryFuck’s sake. What a criminal waste of Pearce and Castagnoli. Speaking of criminal wastes, Azriel’s steal breathing oxygen, right? My god, this guy has got worse and worse as ROH has gone on, here he couldn’t even be bothered to hit his one nice spot with any fire. Fury is an athletic black man who takes massive bumps, he should really give TNA a call.
As you might expect, the most entertaining aspect of this was the interplay between Scrap Iron and Double C which was tons of fun, but the four way format leaves little room for story telling and this ended up as a very disposable match. Pearce picked up the win with a top rope splash on Azriel whilst Fury had wiped out Claudio with a flippy dive. Filler.
Samoa Joe Vs Jay LethalHmmm, one can’t help but wonder what happened to Jay Lethal and his push. He finally got his big win over Joe (Albeit a tainted one) and was launched in a new direction with his fresh heel character. Then…he’s jobbing to Jimmy Yang, a guy who hasn’t exactly been racking up the wins since his debut. And now this.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty to like about this match, Lethal plays a good heel, as evidenced by that oh so rare genuine heat from the ROH fans. And Joe is watchable in just about any circumstance, especially when he’s in a “Choke a bitch” mood, as he drags Lethal around the ring by his afro and (Unsurprisingly) kicks him very hard.
But the match is obviously third on the card for a reason, this isn’t going to be the blow away surprise that their Teacher Vs Student match at Manhattan Mayhem, or even one of the incredible under dog battles they’ve had in TNA recently. For a blow off match to a feud with a massive story behind it, this is curiously understated, and the fans react as if they can tell that Lethal will be out the door soon. There are a few good exchanges, but this was never going to be anything other than a unsatisfying end to a promising feud. Under whelming.
Christopher Daniels Vs BJ WhitmerYaarg…excuse my while I rewind and rewatch Alison Danger dressed as an Angel a few hundred times…Christ! Lacey’s out there as well! I love Indy chicks.
Daniels and Whitmer is the feud no-one wanted to see. Whitmer has improved a lot since his early days in ROH, but his biggest strength lies in his ability to have the shit kicked out of him and land on his head a lot. Daniels biggest strength is having Joe beat the shit out of him, or a genuine flair for bullying cruiserweight wrestlers. These guys are going to suffer from neither of them being able to give the other enough offence to work with.
Luckily, we don’t have to see it happen! OK, this is where all merry hell breaks loose and a lot happens at once-
While BJ and Daniels brawl unconvincingly in the crowd, Hero, Necro and some generic CZW douches jump in the ring so that Hero can sing “Happy Birthday, Fuck You” to ROH. This brings out the locker room to spark an enormous brawl with the yarders, climaxing with Joe finally poking his frighteningly large nose into the inter-fed feud by choking out Hero. At this point someone in the crowd sets off a confetti bomb. FOR GOD’S SAKE ROH FANS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU SOMETIMES!? ARE YOU DESPERATE TO BE NOTICED BY SOMEONE YOU’LL TRY AND CREATE THE FAN GIMMICK OF “CONFETTI MAN”!? PLEASE DIE SOMEWHERE.
As the brawlers start to return to the back, the Briscoes find themselves alone in the ring with Aries and lay a beat down on the ghey icon until his hetero life mate Strong makes the save. Somewhere in the midst of all this, the match between Whitmer and Daniels gets thrown out, so it makes perfect sense when Cabana and Homicide brawl FROM the back TO the front, and their match starts. Got all that? Tough.
Colt Cabana Vs HomicideOuch. I’ve not been that interested in this feud so far, but…Ouch. Cabana takes a hideous beating here.
One of the reasons I haven’t got a huge hold of this feud is Cabana. I like him fine as a worker, usually. But I just don’t buy him in a hate filled brawl, in a singlet throwing bionic elbows and butt-butts. It just didn’t seem to fit. Of course, he can’t be accused of not trying. Here, he takes some horrendous, unprotected shots into the metal rails, cuts a manly blade job, then doesn’t put his hands up for chairs thrown very hard at his head. It’s much easier to believe in a hate filled brawl when one guy is clearly dying. And Julius Smokes in great in this, as a sort of Minister Farrakhan on acid, screaming “BLEED you swine! BLEED you white swine!” at Colt.
As far as brawls go it’s average, bloody and one sided, but missing the one hysteric spark that makes these things occasionally great. It’s the booking here that makes the match. The match is I Quit rules (Apparently that’s what a ghetto fight is. I guess if you say ‘uncle’ in the ghetto they leave you alone and go do something else) but gets stopped when Cabana is about to get murdered with a coat hanger. Then Cabana gets on the mike and says fuck a lot to restart the match. This time he gets tied to the turnbuckle and has a chair thrown into his face with wince inducing velocity until the match stops again. Sure enough, Cabana is back on the mike and asking for more, until a Piledriver off the apron shuts him up for good. Perhaps because Homicide catches the table wrong, so it doesn’t break and Cabana looks like he might actually be dead. Surprisingly violent, certainly bloody enough to grab my attention to the program between the two.
Cornette cuts his trademarked awesome promo – “My mouth aint going to be writing no checks, that aint going to be signed, with genuine, Kentucky Pine!”
Bryan Danielson Vs Jimmy RaveFuck me, this was a bit good. I really didn’t know what to expect from a mid card title defence against Jimmy Rave, but this was main event quality and then some. Bizarrely, the main body of this match was an incredibly entertaining mat battle between the two. You don’t think of Rave as being a mat wrestler, but he was bringing the heelish holds and counters right to Danielson here. I also loved Rave’s constant filching of other peoples moves, because none of his are any good. His lame version of Danielsons’ cocky surfboard was brilliant.
Of course, Danielson is disgustingly talented for someone of his age, and we’re all very jealous. He manages to establish the fact he’s the better wrestler and still make Rave look more than competitive, and he knows how to tune his dick head heel persona up or down depending on the circumstances. Here he plays a more loveable dickhead, (his cheeky boy grin to the crowd when Nana asks him if he’s trying to kill Rave was priceless) allowing the Embassy to get the heat through their usual short cuts. He also wipes out Nana with a sweet as fuck tope late on, one of those awesome dives where the guy just doesn’t care where he lands. Nothing better.
Of course, the crowd are quite aware of how slim the chance of Rave winning the belt on the mid card of a show is, and they never quite get to the level where they’re willing to believe it’s true. Despite the slim chance of the upset, both guys do a masterful job of keeping the people involved, not by filling the time up with moves, but with shtick and spots.
In the end, Danielson gets the win with the crucifix lock/elbow flurry he beat Strong with one time. This gets a slight grumble form me, as it reeks of the injection of MMA type finishes into wrestling, something I’m very much against. Still, besides that, an outstanding match, far better than I expected, and proof that ROH are right to give this chance to Rave.
Ricky Reyes Vs Jack EvansJack Evans cannot die. I am now convinced of this. Find a way to watch the botch in this match, even if you don’t like ROH. The sight of the worlds biggest embarrassment to wrestling (Well, maybe second behind Steen) fluffing a double rotation moonsault and landing on his head on the cold, hard floor is one I’ll take to my grave. The match was quite fun as a result of that, an already jet lagged Evans almost dies, so he has an excuse for his sloppy offence that never seems to hit right for once. And it was loads of fun watching Reyes have no regard for Evans’ safety, powerbombing him three times mere seconds after he nearly painted the arena with his brains. Fun for a match with Jack Evans in.
AJ Styles and Matt Sydal Vs Austin Aries and Roderick StrongOdd choice for main event this. I guess it has more star power than the World Title match, and puts the Tag Belts over, but it’s a shame that the best match of Rave’s career didn’t main event, especially considering how awesome it was.
This was a damn good match as well, but it was all Aries and Strong. I really don’t like the way Sydal was booked in this match, he’s only been with the company for a year, he’s the junior member of Gen Next and has a mentor/student relationship with AJ. Yet in the match he was booked as an equal, in fact AJ took most of the heat for their team and needed Sydal to save him many times. I understand wanting to get him over as a legitimate threat, but it just made AJ look bad and made little sense considering their respective roles in the company.
Aries and Strong really shone here. I love the way ROH pushes these guys. From their entrance, someone who knew nothing about ROH could tell these two are the company elite. They looked assured and dangerous, their moves are state of the art and legitimate and they walk in the ROH ring as if they own it. Utterly fantastic as an ‘ace’ tag team.
It’s a long match, and I’d guess we’d call it ‘formula’, in the sense that it goes AJ gets isolated, makes a hot tag, Styles and Sydal take over on Strong, Strong makes a hot tag, closing sequence. It’s nicely done though, noticeably better when the champs are on offence. The closing stretch is one of the best you’ll see in this kind of environment, they’ve deliberately not blown their wads earlier on, unlike a lot of indy guys who feel like they need to pop the crowd every 30 seconds, so when the big stuff comes out at the end the fans are hot for it. The near fall from a Sydal SSP is immense.
I mentioned Gen Next’s state of the art offence, and normally I wouldn’t waste my time talking about someone’s move set being good. But I’m really impressed with how they’ve got over their flashy stuff as meaning death for their opponents. Strong in particular used to throw far too many things out in a match, but here he uses three backbreakers in a twenty minute match, two of which are in the closing stretch. And when Gen Next start up one their move combos; Aries creaming Sydal with a rolling elbow, Strong nailing the Half Nelson Backbreaker, Aries goes up for the 450…The fans know that these sequences mean the end and come to life.
I’m not sure if this match tops Danielson/Rave for me, but both are little treasures, stuff that wont get remembered but really shone on this card. All in all it was a decent show – Three excellent matches, some average to poor matches and one red hot angle. Not the blow away extravaganza you’d expect from an Anniversary show, but definitely on the top side of ROH shows this year.