Remember Me. My husband didn't wanna watch it because it has Robert Pattinson in it. He ended up in tears at the end of the film. It was one of the best films I've seen for a while, and it was nice to see him in something that wasn't Twilight or Harry Potter.

Tears of laughter I assume.

Bit of a long one but it features a double whammy...


What a day Saturday wasA As the day had been a literal roller-coaster of emotion, the good lady allowed me leave to go to the cinema. Myself, my goood friends Sam and Jumbo went, along with Sam's BFF Heva, with the intention of seeing The Expendables.

"Shall we watch another film in the wait?" I asked, as the current showing was full and we needed to wait. Piranha was the only one that fit the timings, so that was the choice.

This film was atrocious. It was so poor and unbelievable that it became AMAZING! We were literally sat there in fits of laughter at some points. It stank of cheesy B-Movie, which at premium prices (it was 3D!!) is not really what you want. Rent it on DVD with a load of friends around for a good laugh. Or rent it alone and use the pause facility for the hot-as-ever Kelly Brook in the nude. This is possibly my favourite-least-favourite-so-bad-its-good-nudey-titty-gory-bitey-fish-filled-fun film of all time.

0.5 stars...or 5 stars... depends how you view it.

So Saturday evening rolled on and after a short break for chow mein and kebab, it was back to the screens.

"This film is supposed to be amazing..." Sam said, almost uncontrollably excited. The Expendables, it turned out had amazing in excellus...

This is the man film of all man films. People literally grunted during several scenes with manliness. All it takes to make a film this good is explosions, violence, swearing, fighting, testosterone and car chases. Everyone of the main guys look like they could still kick ass and it features Sgt Batista from Dexter for crying out loud! The romance is minimal, the dialogue is simple. Switch your brains off, you manhood on and get ready for a wild ride. **PUMPS SIDE FIST**

Oh and FYI there is nothing after the credits...

4.8 stars

I watched My Last 5 Girlfriends last night. It was shit. The production values looked like the sort of sterile, soulless, "corporate video wanker gets feature funding" toss that I despise. It looked cheap, gimmicky and it just contained no momentum or heart. Some of the gimmicks were alright, like the flashbacks done as a fairground ride through a Barbie house, but that was about it.

I just watched Universal Soldier: Regeneration and I wasn't expecting much out of this film, so I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. JCVD can still go at his age. A few very brutal fight scenes and deaths within.

Also this week I have watched:

Watchmen
I will need to give this film a second viewing before deciding on how much I enjoyed it. On my first viewing I was in the mood for a film with lots of action, so not knowing anything about the graphic novels or the tone of the film did leave me dissapointed. The best part about it was the Silk Spe3ctre in that leather outfit. Now knowing what to expect I believe I will enjoy and appreciate the film more on second viewing.

Terminator Salvation
Just not the same without Arnie, but it was an enjoyable film. Some amazing effects, but at times it did seem too much like Transformers with the size and design of some of the Terminators.

Crank: High Voltage
Some great action and just none stop fun. Jason Statham is really enjoyable and Amy Smart prances about in next to nothing for the entire film. It is a shame that she looks too beat up and like a skank for most of it.

I watched Disturbia

When you read that something is a "remake" of a Hitchcock classic (in this case, Rear Window) you don't generally expect much but this film took the fundamental concept (person trapped in a house thinks he sees a murder) and then totally did their own thing in it. And it worked really well for the most part. Some genuine moments of creep/tension, some good performances including Shia LeBoef, and a wonderful psycho performance from David Morse, who is one of those wonderful B-list actors that always puts in a good showing.

The last reel suffers a little from what these sorts of films always suffer from... at the end, there has to be some running around being chased by the axe-wielding murderer, which often ends up spoiling the well-built-up tension. I'm not sure how you get round that as a writer though. Unless you're Hitchcock.

Universal Soldier was a nice surprise for me too, the fight scenes are pleasingly rough.
Watchmen is the best film ever made
Terminator Salvation is one of my worst films
Crank 2 is fucking awesome how can anyone not love a film where SPOILER - Highlight the black box to read
2 guys turn into fighting monsters in the middle of a fight scene?

Saw Piranha yesterday, was drunk and in the back row feeling up the girl I went with, that combined with the funny shitness and B-Movie feel made for a pleasant experience, plus 3-D Kelly brook!

Oh, come ON.

Steady on now.

I didn't even finish Watchmen, I thought it was genuinely the most boring film i've ever, ever seen. Just awful.

Watchmen should have been so much more. I was so fucking let down by that movie.

I loved Watchmen so much it's ridiculous, I thought it was the perfect film, I'm obsessed with superhero movies anyway (hence the fact that I've started about 10 topics on here about them, but Watchmen was a perfect combination of being true to the comic, visually spectacular, a great complex story and violent and sexy too.

I understand not everyone feels that way but I really loved it, I watched it on 3 consecutive days a few months ago... it's nearly 3 hours long!

How did it let you down repo?

Watchmen should never have been a movie at all. Alan Moore wrote it specifically as something that would only work in the medium of comic books, and the movie ended up being almost a frame for frame interpretation which just emphasized that and exacerbated that problem. Well, that a despite it being an almost word for word remake it still managed to completely miss the point and stripped away and semblance of 'character motivation'.
At least with V For Vendetta they at least tried to make it work in a more cinematic sense.

Jesus, I feel like Mr. Seven after that, I need a shower....

What were you expecting? It was translated to film about as well as it could've been. I'll probably never watch it again, but I was never expecting more than it delivered.

Visually it translated about as good as it was ever going to be.

I don't know. It's strange to say the storyline felt boring and monotonous, but it just felt like it could've been edited better I guess. It just needed that extra something. Maybe it's because I'd read it so many times before. Or maybe, as others have said, it was just never meant for film. It just managed to drag for me.

I sort of agree there. It wasn't a bad movie but its not a patch on Alan Moore's genius. It does some things well, the casting of Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson and Billy Crudup was all great to good, but Matthew Goode was horribly out of place and Malin Akerman, despite looking good naked, was way out of her depth.

But like CoreyVandal says there, its just not a story that makes an effective movie and as a result the movie seems very disjointed. It really does seem to split opinion quite drastically. Some people think its the greatest thing since sliced cheese, others think its the drizzling shits and other sit somewhere in the middle, I'm the latter. Nothing will ever take away from how much I am still completely in love with the book though.

In other news, I went to see Salt last night. It was quite good for the most part, even if I found the ending totally ridiculous. Like a lot of the films of its genre lately, its not entirely predictable which is nice and the action is good. Jolie is good in it, but it still falls short when its all said and done. Solid 3 stars, but nothig more.

You're almost exactly right with your argument. You'd be even more correct if you were arguing it in regards to Sin City than Watchmen though. A great comic does not a great film make (although I did enjoy both, they're just far from great movies). I also thought Watchmen had other problems too when it came to the distracting soundtrack and, although this is my personal opinion, the fucking terrible opening where they play that ENTIRE Bob Dylan song. Also SPOILER - Highlight the black box to read
the funeral part where the camera focuses on Adrian may as well have had an arrow pointing to him saying "I'm the villain". The song they played in the scene was incredibly cliche too.

So yesterday I watched The Departed and The Deer Hunter. The Departed was genuinely one of the best films I've ever seen. I absolutely loved it and thought that Matt Damon was brilliant in it, which is strange as I'm normally not a big fan of his. Nicholson and DiCaprio were great as always too and even Mark Wahlberg managed to be decent. The Deer Hunter...I just didn't get it. It was way too long. Pointlessly long. One of the same problems I have with 2001 is that it seems that the motives behind making it so drawn out would've still been effective enough if they were a tad shorter. There are some great scenes in there, for sure, but I had it hyped up as something amazing and was greatly let down. I almost considered turning it off after the first hour because I was so bored.

I think The Deer Hunter's problem is that so many people know about the Russian roulette bits that they expect it to be one ride along those lines. It is for the most part a relationship drama and I think that you need to be really in the mood to watch it and enjoy it. I think it is amazing, personally. I will agree about 2001 though, I hated it.

Yeah that's certainly a big part of it I think. Problem is if I gave it a second watch I'd probably still struggle to get into it as I'd be trying to get over my initial disappointment. I think it's a case of the hype ruining it for me (like with A Clockwork Orange too).

Yesterday evening, me and the good lady convened at home and were flicking through the channels.

"I'm going to make you watch this and you'll see how funny it is." she said, and she put on Monster in Law.

J-Lo is a very beautiful lady, isn't she? Unfortunately that was about the only investment I had in this chick flick. I wouldn't have said it was bad, it just did nothing for me. Guys watch it with a girl to earn brownie points. The good lady seemed to really enjoy it.

2 stars

Gordon, no disrespect to your old lady, but if I suggested watching Monster In Law to my wife she would probably divorce me.

Yeah, maybe I should have worded my last statement better. Something like "fellas, if the good lady is watching it sit through it and earn some brownie points. If not, just pretend it doesn't exist." I would not suggest suggesting to watch this film to your good lady.

I told you, this is some freaky Dennis Nielsen shit. You'll find Au under his floorboards.

Spent this rainy afternoon watching American Beauty, and it's even better than I remember it. Thought provoking, funny, wonderfully shot, great acting and plot...basically it's no surprise it won that many awards, as it's one of the best films I've ever seen.

Wes Bentley tearing up about a plastic bag hasn't aged well.

I watched a whopping three films last night as I couldn't get to sleep. I'd seen 'em all before but The Hills Have Eyes remake was on Film 4 so I found myself watching it again. It's easily one of the best remakes, horror or otherwise, out there. It's genuinely disturbing, makes no bones about its "Solve violence with much more violence" mantra and I'll be damned if I wasn't punching the air when geeky Aaron Stanford takes an axe to the mutants.

After that I stuck The Untouchables on. It's a weird one this, one of those "not as good as you remember it" films. It's very good and I love me some Kevin Costner but there's something a little amateurish about the whole thing that I can't quite put my finger on. Finally I wanted something short and fun I wouldn't have to think about so I opted for The Faculty, which is one of the more underrated self-referential late 90's teen horrors around, in my humble opinion.

I disagree, I found it suitably creepy and thought provoking.

I was so disappointed with Watchmen. Visually it looked fantastic, but a lot of the script and editing was terrible.

I'd read the comics twice before, but wasnt a crazed fan that was angry that it was being made into a film. The first thing with the comics is that the story is paced so much better. Everything in the film is rushed.
SPOILER - Highlight the black box to read
Laurie and Jons relationship fading, Laurie and Dans relationship growing etc. Even something like Bubastis dying was sad in the comics, but I didnt give a shit in the film because the poor lynx got no screen time.

It also features the most cringeworthy
SPOILER - Highlight the black box to read
sex scene of all time. In the comics it was sweet and nice that good old Dan got the girl, but in the film it was embarassing. The nudity wasnt necessary and with Leonard Cohen singing Hallelujah in the background I squirmed in my seat and made people in the cinema literally laugh out loud.

A lot of the violence was unnecessary too. Way too much squirting blood and axes to the head.

I saw it once in Imax at release and was disappointed, then watched it again six months ago and was disappointed again. I'm getting bummed out writing about it. It just wasnt very good. The film looked beautiful (which created an awesome trailer which got my hopes up) but the actual film was poor.


Watch more films. You're missing out.

Just finished watching Kickboxer.

Have had the dvd for a while and finally decided to stick it on. Very enjoyble , enjoyed the story and thought Jean Claude Van Damme was brilliant. Especially enjoyed his drunken dancing/fighting with Freddie Lee`s henchmen in the bar. Worth a look just for that lol.

The Hills Have Eyes is a cracking remake, I was really impressed by it. I had high hopes for Alexandre Aja because he directed Switchblade Romance, which I also enjoyed, but he's done Piranha 3D, hasn't he? Balls to that.

I watched The Untouchables again recently as well and I still love it. The scene in the train station seems a bit too contrived now but the rest of it still stands up well. But I'm a massive Brian De Palma fan anyway so I'll happily bum almost all of his films.

I know you probably meant that partially in jest but I'm almost certain I've seen more films than nearly anyone, I do have my own taste though, lots of people don't agree with my favourite films and I don't agree with lots of what are considered great films.

Like I said Watchmen was perfect for me, obviously saying one thing of anything is the best is impossible, especially something as subjective as film, I just wanted to say in a big way that I absolutely loved it.

By coincidence I watched Kickboxer yesterday as well. Way better than I remember it being. The druken dancing/clapping had me & my housemate close to tears. Genius scene.

Also watched the latest Universal Soldier as well. That film is about 100x times better than it has any right to be,

There's so many things that I love about The Untouchables that it's hard to be critical about it. Severely hammy acting at times. Especially that guy that gets smashed with a baseball bat when they find him in the factory and he's all "you got a warrant ?"

The Faculty is another one I like, although it's got Robert Patrick in it so I might be a little biased on that one.

I seen The Hills Have Eyes last night and I wasn't really that taken aback by it. I did feel a little uneasy when that guy at the gas store suddenly decided to send them into certain doom though.

Sean Connery really is awesome in Untouchables. He deserved that Oscar.

"What's the matter? Can't you talk with a gun in your mouth?"

I doubt he ment it any more than its his favourite. Which is perfectly aceptable, just as how to many the graphical novel is the 'perfect' comic.

Its awesome is my opinion. Both the comic and film are tremendous. This it should never have been a film stuff is nonsense. The different medium just makes it interesting in its own right. It really is a marmite movie though. I think it works perfectly well as a film particularly the Directors Cut.

Haven't seen the ultimate Edition though. I'd be suprised if the inclusion of the Black Freighter anime makes it a better film. Sooner or later I might give it a go.

I can understand the soundtrack complaint its about subtle as a brick but I think it complements rather than detracts. Whole heartly dissagree about the editing, pacing and writing.

Heres the thing, the graphic novel is open to much wider interpretation whilst being read. Some will claim theres no violence, some will claim theres no comedy and thats all subjective in the graphic novel in my opinion. The sex scene is pretty funny in the film but I can absolutely see why someone who was a fan wouldnt see it that way, or rather that it shouldnt be that way. If they didnt interpret it the same in there reading of the novel it could totally put a nose or two out of joint. The film is so faithful that interpretation becomes ever so more personal to the fan audience. After all its really not going to matter to those that don't know the subject as they will interpret and accept or reject soley on the viewing experience.

To me its as good as Watchmen film was ever going to be and as a fan of the graphic novel I was at the edge of my seat, sat next to non fans who also were at the edge of there seats. I certainly don't believe the film is to cinema what the graphic novel was to comics. But I do believe theres a lot of redunt 'its not as good as the book' talk that does the film a diservice. It happens whenever something is adapted and its yawn inducing.

EDIT - for stupid double post.

Might as well mention I watched Batman Gotham Knight last night on Blu Ray. I found the different animation styles often distracting and it felt disjointed overall. It has its moments but its not a patch on Batman the Animated series from the 90s. Thankfully there are 4 episodes of which as extra features along with a couple of cool docs about Batmans relationship with his villians and Bats creatotr Bob Kane.

Actually Piranha 3D is getting rave reviews with most saying it has the right feel for what it's supposed to be and offers nothing more than nudity and gore and isn't ashamed of it.

"How do you think he feels now ? Better or worse ?"

"They put one of yours in the hospital, you put one of their's in the morgue!"

Costner throwing Billy Drago off a building is a great moment. "HE SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT??"

I always thought Billy Drago had THE perfect bad guy face in films. I think Sean Harris could run him close though.

I seen him in some dodgy horror movie called Ghost Town where a bunch of students end up in a western town and he's a ghost of an evil cowboy or something like that.

Avoid that movie.

He was also in The Hills Have Eyes remake, funnily enough. And Pale Rider, which he was also great in. Shame that most of his career has been spent in straight to video action films, and not even good ones.

Do you see him in the back of the car when the dad goes back to the gas station ? I thought it was him but didn't see enough of the character to confirm.

I'm amazed anyone (watchmen fan or newcomer) who watched that scene found it anything but cringeworthy, and that it should have been done differently.


We'll have to agree to disagree. A better Watchmen film could certainly be made correcting my previous critiques such as the rushed/choppy feeling of the whole film and inclusion of some poor scenes.

But due to it looking so good, it'll be decades at least before someone has another crack at it. If at all.

Edit - Just noticed in my first post I called the film "poor", which isnt true. Thats just my disappointment seeping through. I thought it was a fine 6/10 film (a lot of that is the great look of the film.) But I was disappointed and didnt think it was anything special. Niether did most people, the hype died quickly for that film.

Fair enough. Agree'd on the hype but I think to the casual audience it was a different film to what they wanted altogether (Dark Knight 2). I've had non fans comment to me how funny they thought the sex scene was hence my thoughts that its taken differently depending on point of view.

Which scenes do you consider poor incidently? Other than the sex scene.

Hello Darkness, my old friend. I am the villain incase you didn't guess...

Here's Werner Herzog answering my question: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4tgZU5GgTU

WHAT NOW, BITCHES???

Awesome work. Stuff like that justifies the existance of the Internet. As does lots of other stuff but you get my meaning.

Speaking of Costner - I just watched Mr Brooks over the weekend, our Kev plays a serial killer with William Hurt playing his alter ego!

That's a win already but the movie is a very good watch.