UKFF Battle Rap 2012: Round 1, Feste The Jester vs Steve ‘Big’ Jobs / saxonsgb vs BigJ Options

[CuckedByMenry]

The deadline for any and all first round submissions is Saturday 21st January at 3:00pm. All future submissions to be no more/less than 16 lines. Good luck.

Feste The Jester vs Steve ‘Big’ Jobs

Steve 'Big' Jobs:
"Uncle Feste child molester; you're a gimmick poster- a total no-hoper
leave you in a room with a baby girl and you'll grope her.

I'm the rapping Vic Mackay, you're nothing but my lackey,
I'm writing this watching impact and smoking wacky baccy.

I have a reputation as the golden shower freak
but my rhymes are water tight and yours are piss weak

You're a Jester - a joke, try to face me- you'll choke
Totally inferior like you're Pepsi - I'm Coke!

Like Guerreo Fan you're fucking full of shit,
that's a dated forum reference for the old-school boys who get it.

Like Hogan's daughter - you oughta - get cream on your arse,
butt cheeks split apart where you've been taking it hard.

You're like Just Me or The Spelling Bee,
popping up occasionally - just a novelty.

You don't post very often, thank fuck for that,
'cause like Hulkamania Fan you're a fucking twat.

What do I win? "

This post has been edited by CuckedByMenry: Jan 21 2012, 17:50

[John Matrix]

SaxonsQB Vs BigJ

You call yourself Big as if im s’posed to be impressed.
When your rep round here is lower than Midas in a vest.
16 lines and I’m out, I don’t get paid by the hour.
If you were burning I couldn’t muster up a golden shower.

A ton of posts, not a single thing of any worth
It’s like you and Dangerously were pulled apart at birth.
Let me guess - your big, so that means you must be hard?
Better certify your status on a homemade business card.

Do the right thing, give back Michael Fox’ initial
And swap for his disease, that’d be super beneficial.
I know that’s outta line, no need to raise your fists.
You clearly possess a pair of frequently shaking wrists.

No need to swear or sound street as I finalise my ‘flow’
I’m Eminem motherfucker, you’re barely even Snow.
Ok, you got me, there’s always an exception.
I await a ‘sick’ reply from that waste of an erection.

[Feste The Jester]

Feste The Jester Vs Steve "PrittStick" Jobs

Feste The Jester

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Just as Apollo across the heavens makes his way
So Steve Jobs his foetid yellow rays doth spray
Alas! the poor maiden caught in th'affray.

From surly youth, a plague across the borde
Out of the eflluent thy jaundiced carcass crawled
A giante turde that rises to the rim
Nailed eyes blinded to the shite withine.
Un-dyinge love of comics and of metale maskes the fact
Majoritee attained, virginitee presumably intacte.

Prithee sir, despite the licking of the glue
Rumours around the courte oft ensue
A verie 'merry' fellow, with other fellowes much 'ado'
Thy love of Ryan Reynolds lends the clue!

Thy artless scrawlings naught but epic faile;
Take heart! Clasp knickers to thy nose! Inhale!

[MichaelScarn]

SaxonsQB Vs BigJ

BigJ

Relax yourself there kid, and just go back to masturbatin
The three 6's in this member's number shows you i'm the lyrical Master Satan
I appreciate your point dear boy, that my posts will allways bore you
When some of the crap you spout about involves Rebekah Elmaloglou

So you think its great to bash the Foxy one, and poke fun at his disease?
Fuck me your rhymes smell worse then dog shit, they fail to even attract fleas
It's time to take your chill pill now, you'll do yourself some harm son
You need a break, if rumour's true you've 'took more sausssage' than Worrall Thompson

The magic number is 16 then? Well i'll match yours line for line
Even though i'm now so sure your out, like Gordon Balentine
You seem really interested, so i'll certify my status for you homes
Your the poet Shogun Rua, i'm the lyrical Champion John Jones

I've left this right to the last minute, so my words mature (like a fine wine)
Don't take it personally or cry over it, now is just not your time
OK i'm gettin bored now, time to move on to round two
All that's left is to flip you all off, and give Mr saxonsqb the big Fuck You

[CuckedByMenry]

No more rapping! Voting will close at 10:00pm on Wednesday 25th January.

[kendal mint cake]

Fete the Jester and the Small Man In A Big Suit win it on this one.

[John Matrix]

Fete the Jester and the Small Man In A Big Suit win it on this one.

"You wouldnt let it lie, would you...."

[Steve 'Big' Jobs]

I was the first out of everyone to post their rap and Feste had like 5 days but I've still got to give him props, he killed it, I thought mine was not bad all things considered but who can compete with a rapping medieval jester?

Also he either has a great memory or did his research. Calling me a virgin was a bit weak though.

[John Matrix]

I was the first out of everyone to post their rap and Feste had like 5 days but I've still got to give him props, he killed it

I must admit, thought i was progressing by default at one stage. Glad BigJ got his reply in on time.